Calling his phone and leaving a message and calling again does make it look obsessive. He has dropped his phone over 5 times and sometimes tells me that he doesn't get voice mail, or that his phone doesn't ring at times, I have seen him turn it on and have to tap it a few times for it to turn on....(I don't how much of the above is true about his voice mail or ringing not working, I do try to give him the benefit of doubt)
I actually do enjoy him working nights, I think the whole angry thing comes from his up and downs....as you might or might not know it is hard to live with, I not only try to deal with living with the A but also the bi-polar thing is another issue. There are great times and very dark days for him. Like the alcohol or his consuming the alcohol changes his behavior, him not taking his meds for the bi-polar stuff changes his behavior. Not excusing me or me getting so upset, when I did talk to him I stayed calm. I found out through counseling this last year that the one thing that gets me going is when people say they are going to do something and they don't follow through. To be a person of their word is a hard goal to attain, I have tried my hardest this last year to follow through with what I say. To say what I mean and mean what I say. So it is hard for me to accept when anyone says one thing and does another. (I hope this makes sense) I do love my A. I still have a glimmer of hope that things will work out. I do believe things that he tells me to my face are for the most part the truth. I have only been working on the let go and let God for a couple months, this has been the hardest part of my journey so far. I don't want to become bitter towards him or have resentment, so I work hard at that too.
I searched the postings but couldn't find any topics started by you. No background as to your story, I was hoping to learn more about you.
Thanks again for your comments, I appreciate the help you gave and it made me re-examine my actions and words.
Hugs Mary
KathyS said
Sep 30, 2005
Mary,
I completely understand that you get frustrated when someone says one thing yet does another. My husband (the addict in my life) does this all the time and it is very hard to live with indeed. I've come to the point that whatever he says, I now just expect the opposite to happen. It's not just about drugs that he does this, it's in all areas of his life.
Ok, a little about me.........I'm 37, am married to a cocaine addict, live in Fla and have 5 children. My oldest is 19, then 9, 3 1/2 year old twins (boy and girl) and my youngest is 16 mos. I came to this program roughly 3 years ago because of my husbands cocaine addiction. I also belong to Co Anon (for family and friends of addicts). I was a complete wreck when I first got involved with the program and I can honestly say it saved my sanity. After much hemming and hawing, procrastinating, and refusing to accept that *I* had any issues, I finally gave in, got a sponsor and worked the steps. I don't think I could have survived the insanity of addiction had I not done this.
My husband has been clean from coke for roughly 6 months or so now. He still smokes pot and takes pain medication for an injury he suffered last year. So I can't say he's clean and sober or in recovery. Only that he no longer uses his drug of choice, and the one that was threatening to take his life on a daily basis.
As for me.....in the past I had a problem with drinking. I got that under control in my early twenties. After my last son was born they sent me home with a prescription of percocet for the pain. Very long story short I became addicted to it. I'm dealing with this addiction right now. It's very odd in my home lately because it's as if my A and I have switched roles. He is becoming more of the *anon* and for a while there I was becoming more of the A. In a way, this experience has opened my eyes concerning addiction and helped me to understand things that never made sense to me before as far as why he did many of the things he did when he was actively using.
Since I benefited so much from the Al Anon and Co Anon programs, I am trusting my HP that I will benefit just as much from NA and one day soon will be able to consider myself what's refered to as a *double winner*. Someone who has found recovery for their addiction through the NA program as well as someone who has a loved one with an addiction and has found serenity through the Al Anon program.
That about sums me up in a very small nutshell. :)
Thank you Kathy, it did make me sit and think.
Calling his phone and leaving a message and calling again does make it look obsessive. He has dropped his phone over 5 times and sometimes tells me that he doesn't get voice mail, or that his phone doesn't ring at times, I have seen him turn it on and have to tap it a few times for it to turn on....(I don't how much of the above is true about his voice mail or ringing not working, I do try to give him the benefit of doubt)
I actually do enjoy him working nights, I think the whole angry thing comes from his up and downs....as you might or might not know it is hard to live with, I not only try to deal with living with the A but also the bi-polar thing is another issue. There are great times and very dark days for him. Like the alcohol or his consuming the alcohol changes his behavior, him not taking his meds for the bi-polar stuff changes his behavior. Not excusing me or me getting so upset, when I did talk to him I stayed calm. I found out through counseling this last year that the one thing that gets me going is when people say they are going to do something and they don't follow through. To be a person of their word is a hard goal to attain, I have tried my hardest this last year to follow through with what I say. To say what I mean and mean what I say. So it is hard for me to accept when anyone says one thing and does another. (I hope this makes sense) I do love my A. I still have a glimmer of hope that things will work out. I do believe things that he tells me to my face are for the most part the truth. I have only been working on the let go and let God for a couple months, this has been the hardest part of my journey so far. I don't want to become bitter towards him or have resentment, so I work hard at that too.
I searched the postings but couldn't find any topics started by you. No background as to your story, I was hoping to learn more about you.
Thanks again for your comments, I appreciate the help you gave and it made me re-examine my actions and words.
Hugs Mary
I completely understand that you get frustrated when someone says one thing yet does another. My husband (the addict in my life) does this all the time and it is very hard to live with indeed. I've come to the point that whatever he says, I now just expect the opposite to happen. It's not just about drugs that he does this, it's in all areas of his life.
Ok, a little about me.........I'm 37, am married to a cocaine addict, live in Fla and have 5 children. My oldest is 19, then 9, 3 1/2 year old twins (boy and girl) and my youngest is 16 mos. I came to this program roughly 3 years ago because of my husbands cocaine addiction. I also belong to Co Anon (for family and friends of addicts). I was a complete wreck when I first got involved with the program and I can honestly say it saved my sanity. After much hemming and hawing, procrastinating, and refusing to accept that *I* had any issues, I finally gave in, got a sponsor and worked the steps. I don't think I could have survived the insanity of addiction had I not done this.
My husband has been clean from coke for roughly 6 months or so now. He still smokes pot and takes pain medication for an injury he suffered last year. So I can't say he's clean and sober or in recovery. Only that he no longer uses his drug of choice, and the one that was threatening to take his life on a daily basis.
As for me.....in the past I had a problem with drinking. I got that under control in my early twenties. After my last son was born they sent me home with a prescription of percocet for the pain. Very long story short I became addicted to it. I'm dealing with this addiction right now. It's very odd in my home lately because it's as if my A and I have switched roles. He is becoming more of the *anon* and for a while there I was becoming more of the A. In a way, this experience has opened my eyes concerning addiction and helped me to understand things that never made sense to me before as far as why he did many of the things he did when he was actively using.
Since I benefited so much from the Al Anon and Co Anon programs, I am trusting my HP that I will benefit just as much from NA and one day soon will be able to consider myself what's refered to as a *double winner*. Someone who has found recovery for their addiction through the NA program as well as someone who has a loved one with an addiction and has found serenity through the Al Anon program.
That about sums me up in a very small nutshell. :)
Kathy