I am confused over what I'm actually feeling over a small event involving my husband. As many of you know he moved out in May, has gotten his own apartment, filed for divorce and has continued to use...even when he has the kids with him. He likes to take tranquilizers of what ever flavor he can get. Twice in the last month I have recieved late evening phone calls from a pharmacy...not the one I have used in the past...stating that the scipt he wanted refilled was denied. I told the pharmacist I will let him know. So I called him on both occasions and simply said...they called...denied. At that point both times he started to defend his "need". "I can sleep" blah,blah,blah. Both times I said "I was just passing a message on" and "I dont want to continue this conversation...I have to go". Trying to detatch with love and doing quite well I think. So apparently nothing change if nothing changes. What I cant figure out is why the heck is he giving a new pharmacy my number? Does he want me to know? Is he in some wierd twisted way out to agrivate me?...to bait me? I just don't know what to feel...I tryied a process of elimination to figure it out. Not angry...its his choice. Not worried...at least a fool Dr. wrote a script...not street drugs. Not surprised...he's done this before....so many Dr's...so many pills. And definitely not happy...that he is still at it. So here I sit feeling...as far as I can tell...absolutely nothing about it. How very strange.
thanks for being here
swolves
captcodee said
Sep 29, 2005
Hey Swolves!
Hmm, your post makes me think. I don't want to give advise, as this is not the way the program works, but man, I feel an overwhelming to lay it on ya! lol
When I sepearated from my husband I relished the fact that when people phoned, bill collectors, friends, work mates, the cops... I got to say, "I'm sorry, he no longer reside's here". I can't tell you the feeling of ownership to my life I felt for that. I was not taking messages, not giving information on where he was, not doing anything for him. Perhaps a little harsh, looking back, but that is what I had to do for ME. I had to let him go totally and completley, and it didn't take long for people to quit asking. I stopped talking about him at work, raging about him to strangers, and bitching about him in alanon meetings. By doing that, I kinda forced my attention onto myself.
Anyhow, I am starting to feel like I am babling...
Good luck, i promise it gets better. Work hard, and find a program person you can trust!
With love;
Aron
canadianguy said
Sep 29, 2005
Hi Swolves.... your question is an intriguing one, and I would like to offer two thoughts on it....
1. Yep, he likely "wants" to keep you in the loop, to keep you in chaos, to keep you in his mixed up world.... Even separated, he feels "safer" being in chaos and trouble, if you are there with him.... It is said that one of THE scariest things, for an active alcoholic, is the sight of US getting healthy!
2. You are worrying about a "why", as opposed to a "what".... My sponsor used to tell me to ask myself a simple question - "if you knew the answer to your question, would it really change anything?"... A more simplified form of detachment, in the example you shared, may to be respond to the pharmacist "I'm sorry, he no longer lives here. You can contact him at xxx-xxxx".
JMO
Tom
KathyS said
Sep 29, 2005
I will give you my opinion based on my experience. I'm in this program because my husband has a cocaine addiction. However over the past year and a half I have developed my own addiction to pain pills. From a pill addicts point of view? He gave no thought whatsoever to the phone number he gave. He didn't give yours because he wanted you to know or still be *in the loop* or anything like that. Theres no big deep premeditated thought behind his actions. Perhaps the number showed up through his insurance or else he gave it out of habit, something along those lines. The ONLY thing he was thinking as he tried to get those scripts filled was just that........getting them filled. So try to stop filling your mind with the whys and what ifs. Your thoughts can be put to much better use focusing on yourself.
I am confused over what I'm actually feeling over a small event involving my husband. As many of you know he moved out in May, has gotten his own apartment, filed for divorce and has continued to use...even when he has the kids with him.
He likes to take tranquilizers of what ever flavor he can get. Twice in the last month I have recieved late evening phone calls from a pharmacy...not the one I have used in the past...stating that the scipt he wanted refilled was denied.
I told the pharmacist I will let him know. So I called him on both occasions and simply said...they called...denied. At that point both times he started to defend his "need". "I can sleep" blah,blah,blah. Both times I said "I was just passing a message on" and "I dont want to continue this conversation...I have to go". Trying to
So apparently nothing change if nothing changes. What I cant figure out is why the heck is he giving a new pharmacy my number? Does he want me to know? Is he in some wierd twisted way out to agrivate me?...to bait me? I just don't know what to feel...I tryied a process of elimination to figure it out. Not angry...its his choice. Not worried...at least a fool Dr. wrote a script...not street drugs. Not surprised...he's done this before....so many Dr's...so many pills. And definitely not happy...that he is still at it. So here I sit feeling...as far as I can tell...absolutely nothing about it. How very strange.
detatch with love and doing quite well I think.
thanks for being here
swolves
Hmm, your post makes me think. I don't want to give advise, as this is not the way the program works, but man, I feel an overwhelming to lay it on ya! lol
When I sepearated from my husband I relished the fact that when people phoned, bill collectors, friends, work mates, the cops... I got to say, "I'm sorry, he no longer reside's here". I can't tell you the feeling of ownership to my life I felt for that. I was not taking messages, not giving information on where he was, not doing anything for him. Perhaps a little harsh, looking back, but that is what I had to do for ME. I had to let him go totally and completley, and it didn't take long for people to quit asking. I stopped talking about him at work, raging about him to strangers, and bitching about him in alanon meetings. By doing that, I kinda forced my attention onto myself.
Anyhow, I am starting to feel like I am babling...
Good luck, i promise it gets better. Work hard, and find a program person you can trust!
With love;
Aron
Hi Swolves.... your question is an intriguing one, and I would like to offer two thoughts on it....
1. Yep, he likely "wants" to keep you in the loop, to keep you in chaos, to keep you in his mixed up world.... Even separated, he feels "safer" being in chaos and trouble, if you are there with him.... It is said that one of THE scariest things, for an active alcoholic, is the sight of US getting healthy!
2. You are worrying about a "why", as opposed to a "what".... My sponsor used to tell me to ask myself a simple question - "if you knew the answer to your question, would it really change anything?"... A more simplified form of detachment, in the example you shared, may to be respond to the pharmacist "I'm sorry, he no longer lives here. You can contact him at xxx-xxxx".
JMO
Tom