I feel very empty inside. I put my guard down and then something happens. I don't know what to do any more. I am at a stop right now that my trust is no more. I love my husband and I guess at this time I am not ready to leave. But it is hard to let my guard down knowing that he is going to turn around an take my car without telling me. If he gets a DWI I don't know what am I going to do. I am very angry that he wouldn't go to AA and get better. I was so proud of him and now I can't trust him at all. Every time he leaves the house I am wondering is he taking my car, do I have to worry that he will be gone for hours. I just feel like my nerves are very shot.

Hello, Taking it moment by moment is all that you can do. As hard as this, Let Go and Let God. Remember the serenty prayer? I too am newly married, and my A is in halfway house. The one big lesson to learn is that you can't control what happens. All you can do is if he takes the car, is to pray that he's safe. He may be drinking, but hope that he doesn't drive. Feeling empty? I understand that. There were times when I would feel nothing. But at least feeling something is better than nothing. Try and get to some f2f meetings if you can. Read the AA book online about wives. I found it very enlightening. Keep the focus on you. Be good to yourself. Sending you ((((hugs))) and prayers. Live strong, Karilynn

Hi I am new to this forum but I hope I can help in some way.  First of all whatever your husband does with the car it is not your responsibility.  My husband lost his licence about one month ago and I honestly did not realise how much his drinking had escalated.  I had detached myself from checking on his drinking and eventually he got a wake up call by being pulled over by the police.  I was angry that he could put others lives at risk, to make matters worse I am in a small country town and the police officer who picked him up said I think your wife teaches my daughter.  I managed to hold my head up high and go to work and greet the police officer on the Monday as normal.  I had done nothing wrong.  Every action has a consequence.  My husband asked for my support (which was not immediately forthcoming I can tell you) and organised a meeting with a counsellor.  This was a huge step as he is very anti those sorts of things.  Today I am in the same boat as you.  I want to TRUST he  is not drinking but I constantly am looking for signs that he is.   I wonder whether the trust ever comes back.  I know I feel that I am making myself emotionally vulnerable if I do instantly trust so the barriers for now are up.  You have to have a cut off point.  Every one keeps talking about the HP.  Things happen in life for a reason.  We learn from this as there is something better around the corner. Look after you for now and let the universe determine the rest.

NYCBT; BIG hugs to you.  Being married to an alcoholic is a tough job!  Especially when we are raised to think that they are doing such nasty things, and they are such terrible people.  After time, even the most desirable qualities start to become hinderances, and we start to examine for ulterior motives behind the smallest things.

I love to have control! (ick, tough confession )  I wished and wished for a bottom for my husband.  He got thrown in the psych ward, lost his license, and even got a fine for driving while suspended!  No matter what I wished for, it came true, but he is STILL not sober.

So I tried a new approach.  I asked God to give me guidance, strength, and the ability to let go, and let him live his life!  Now, he drinks no less than he did before, however, it is no longer an "issue" with me.  By  not making issues out of his drinking and bad behaviour, it leaves room to express my feelings of importance with the real issues, like helping with homework, taking me for a date.  We can actually have a beer together now, cause i know that i can't stop him from drinking, or make him hit the wall that will make him sober, so i might as well accept him the way he is today.

For me, that works, for you it might not.  We were seperated for over 3 years in order for me to come up with that position.  I needed to really find myself, and evaluate what I was doing to contribute to the nasty nasty relationship we had created.  Through alanon, prayer, and TRUST in not only my higher power, but in myself, i have found a beautiful place of serenity that i pray i will never ever lose.

I wish you confidence in your own judgement, and the courage to listen to your Higher Power's guidance, and mostly, I wish you the peace that i feel with my active alcoholic.

With Love:

Aron

Thank you guys for helping. I learn some stuff.

I know exactly how you feel.  My A leaves with the statement "I'll be back in a bit" or "I'll be home after golfing."  If he's golfing, he says it takes 3 1/2 to 4 1/2 hours to play, he may stop for a drink afterwards, sometimes he does what he says and then comes home, sometimes he doesn't return until midnight.  I find things to occupy my mind, because if I don't the whole day is spent on him and what he is doing.  Crocheting and crafts help me.  Maybe you too can find something, the letting go and letting God is the hardest part for me.  Hang in there....I love my A too.....it's hard to explain when they hurt us so bad...

Hugs Mary