Hi Everyone, I am not sure if I am doing this right but here goes. I found this website last night and just wanted to say thankyou to everyone who has already posted. Just reading the messages has helped me enormously. I have contacted a counsellor today for me to heal and find out obstacles that lay ahead. My husband is the A and hit rock bottom about a month ago. Drinking has always been a problem in our marriage but this time he admitted he was an A and asked for help. I feel like I always have to be the responsible one and I am sick of being the glue that holds the family together. My father had a drinking problem and died of cancer at age 47 years when I was 21 years old. I feel like history is repeating itself and the only person I can rely on is me. I would like to know how others handle discussing your spouses problem. I live in a small country town and I am intensely private about his drinking. I socialise only when I want to and find it difficult to open up to workmates etc about this. I am great at giving and helping others in need but very closed when it comes to my own issues. I am definitely a control freak in my home and I guess that is because I have made it my haven. I have lots more I'd like to share but that will do for now. Thanks for letting me unload. Leo

Thanks for the reply. Healing process has just started for me thanks to you. Stay safe Leo

Welcome, Leo! I'm a newbie too. I have been attending Al-Anon meetings in my community for the past 2 or 3 months, and they have helped tremendously. At first I thought they were unusual -- there is a format that is repeated each time, lots of "Hi (insert name)!" and clapping after each person speaks. But I knew something had to change and the only person I could change would be me. I was miserable and needed help. (I'm still miserable and need help, but I do feel a little better.) At each meeting I hear a few nuggets of 'good stuff' to take home with me. I read all the newcomer literature, and some of those have become my favorite pieces. The one on detachment is good, and several others. And I bought a few books. One is the Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions, which is meaning more to me as I attend meetings. I already had one of the daily reading books, One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, that I got at a garage sale awhile back. So far, the one I've bought that is most helpful, however, is Al-Anon Works. That one has brief stories from many different people about their A, their lives, and how applying the Al-Anon principles is working for them. As I read through, I can relate to much of it. I don't talk at meetings much yet, I don't have a sponsor yet, but I'm doing better. Drama all around me, but I'm staying out of it most of the time. I'm starting to think about how I can take better care of me. What would that look like? Anyway, welcome again. Keep coming back.

-- Edited by WakingUp at 09:25, 2005-09-28

Hi thanks for the info and names of the books. Because I live in a small country town I won't be able to have meetings with others in the same boat but there is a counsellor here and a Drug and Alcohol counsellor who comes into town once a month. This forum I know will become my lifeline when I am feeling frustrated. I guess the worst bit is not knowing when you have given everything and walk away. I get the feeling that most of us seem to be self-sacrificing and put our own needs last. I hope that I can be a help to you in some way as the days go on. Thanks so much for caring. Leo

hi LEO, Welcome to alanon. I would not be so sure that in your small town their is also not poeple in your boat. Once i got into alanon I found so many people in my boat I was surpised. Must of us are intensly private people but once you open up other will also. I found three people where i work. Ones husband been sober 20 years, one is an A who is sober 15 years. Once i opened up they said welcome to the fellowship. I almost fell on the floor. then they told me their stories. It was nice to have then at work. Ask the counsellor their many be meeting your don't know about. I'm sure he doesn't go to your town for one person. Please keep coming to this site there are online meetings at 9am and 9pm on weekdays not sure about weekends. You are not alone we are here for you. Everything you said made sense. Be their for others, control freak, being very private it is all part of it. Keep coming. A new friend in recovery NIKKILOU

Hi leo and welcome. As others have said, you are not alone. But your post tells me you are strong and capable. A "leo" myself, I see the qualities in you that matter so much. Please continue to come back. You will find friends here who are genuinely caring and kind. All best wishes to you, Diva

Keep coming Back! You are in the right place. I too, live in a small country town and anonymity is so precious! I started out on the board. Then when I felt I could I drove to alanon meetings, 25 minutes and 40 minutes away. Worth every dime in gas money! And my mental health cost? $1 in the basket if I wanted to! I have more friends and people who understand me than I had before! Keep on truckin'!

Welcome! I have found it amazing that when I started here just a few short months ago that just reading some of the posts made me realize that other people were living a life so very similar to mine. I am a secretary at a treatment agency (a job that literally fell in my lap, there is a reason for everything) and my husband is my A. I have attended a few face 2 face meetings, have done a ton of reading on his disease and work hard on my own issues, co-dependency etc. Hope this helps. Hugs Mary

Hi Leo, Are you aware that there's an alanon chatroom and meetings, too?..look for them...sorry can't help more....am in Europe.... toto12

Leo.... first of all, welcome and glad you found us....  As for the privacy thing, I think you will find that Al-Anon, even in small country towns, exists, AND your privacy and confidentiality will be respected and honored.  Places of recovery, such as these online boards, F2F Al-Anon meetings, are where we should feel safe to share our feelings and what is on our minds, and that is where our healing begins....

Most of our "stuff" is too awkward or difficult for our friends/family who are not in recovery, so it is typically better to utilize US as your sponsors....

Hope that helps

Tom

Hi everyone and good morning .  Thanks so much to all of you for your messages of support.  It was a great way to start the day off and already I feel like a burden has been lifted.  So much information and help out there if you know how to access it. Stay safe and take care all of you.  Luv Leo

Welcome Leo..

Welcome .. I have only been apart of this board since July .  It has really helped put my life into perspective.  Keep posting , keep reading, attend f2f meetings (small town or not )  and join the online meetings they are great too.  My first f2f I was so embarrassed.  Then I looked around and found a girl I went to high school with.  We hugged each other .. There are so many people in the same place we are all looking for the same thing.. Comfort, understanding, and guidance. 

Good Luck and keep coming back

God Bless, Tammy

 

Hello leo..

You have found a great website. I am only a teenager but I have been through alot. My mother is/was a alcholic and I got token away from her when I was 9. It was very hard. I to feal that the only one that I can count on is me, I am so tired af being strong. It hurts to see someone that you love ruin theirs and their families lifes. If you ever need to talk you can send me a message. Much love...

Hi Princess,

What a great kid you are.  Already thinking of other people.  You don't have to be strong on your own either.  I would be so proud of you if you were my daughter.  Hang in there sweetie and it is okay to still be a teenager and have some fun. Thanks for thinking of me.