HE IS STILL NOT HOME SINCE SAT SHOULD I FILE A MISSING PERSON. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I AM SO TIRED AND LOST. .HE DRAINED THE BANK ACCOUNT THE BANK CALLED TO SEE IF HIS CARD WAS STOLEN

-- Edited by chrissy at 21:54, 2005-09-27

Chrissy, as one who has been there, done that, bought the tee shirt, etc., I don't think you need to call missing persons. He's doing what As do--drinking. Your job now is to focus on yourself and take good care of yourself. {{{{{{{{{{Chrissy}}}}}}}}}}}}

((((Chrissy))))) I can't give you any advice... but follow your heart. And be good to YOU! You are the one who you need to worry about. Take care of yourself!!!!!

Ah, crissy, so sorry to hear that things are so out of hand. Don't know what you should do, but one thing - really think about what you want to do, and think about what you expect from it. For instance, if you report him as a missing person, what do you expect to gain from that? You know him best - is it likely that he is in some sort of trouble, or is it more likely that he is on a binge? Focus on yourself, make decisions based on your own best interests. If he comes back and is not pleased with what you have done, well, that's the chance he took by taking off. You can't keep your life on hold, waiting for him to come take care of you. I hope you are getting to face to face meetings, they really can help.

THANKS, I AM SO TORN I JUST WANT TO HEAR HE IS OK. I NEED TO HEAR HIS VOICE I TRULY MISS HIM. BUT I CANT TRUST HIM THATS WHAT HURTS.

Chrissy, Man, what a tough situaton. (((Chrissy))) Please try to focus on you and what you need to do from here. As painful as it is you must consider that you may be on your own for a while. It will do you good to take whatever steps are needed so you can survive. You may want to take this time to do what you can for yourself. What agencies can help you? What are the steps that need to be taken? Is his check direct deposit by chance? I know your feelings are all over the place right now, but it's a great time to show yourself (and your daughter) what you are made of. Do the footwork so HP can do the rest. Take care Christy

oh hon I am so sorry. i do know how ya feel. once i did not know where mine was for 10 months!! his mom lied to me and told me she did not know. nice eh? This is how come we have to focus on us, on what we can do. if you don't have a job the things i would do is check into food stamps, welfare, food banks like salvation army. Find out what is available in your area. it is ok to ask for help. they can pay your power once a year, some pay for scrips and other things. This is just the reason i have my own income, vehicle and home and more. I don't depend on him for anything!! if i did it would be setting him up to fail. It is not his fault he is sick. do you have family that can help? you are sure in my prayers. And i gotta say I am so so glad you keep coming back and telling us what is going on. And hon I for one would love to hear more how you are feeling and what ideas you have. What is YOUR situation. Did you say you have kids??? love,debilyn

YES I HAVE A VERY ANGRY 13 TEEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. SHE IS SO NASTY TO ME IT KILLS ME . I FEEL LIKE THERE IS NO HOPE FOR HIM. I AM AFRAID THAT HE IS IN TROUBLE & NOW THAT HE WENT THROUGH ALL THE MONEY HOW IS HE GOING TO SURVIVE. I ALSO FEEL HE BELIEVES ITS OVER FOR US BECAUSE I TOLD HIM IF YOU DO IT AGAIN ITS OVER. I AM MORE CONCERNED WITH MY DAUGHTER AND MY HUSBAND I HAVE NOT SLEPT MUCH MY EYES ARE BLOOD SHOT AND HURT SO MUCH. MY HEART IS ACHING AND ALL I DO IS PRAY TO GOD FOR HIS SAFETY AND OUR SURVIVAL.

chrissy wrote:

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. I AM MORE CONCERNED WITH MY DAUGHTER AND MY HUSBAND I HAVE NOT SLEPT MUCH MY EYES ARE BLOOD SHOT AND HURT SO MUCH. MY HEART IS ACHING .

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Chrissy, Again..take care of YOU. If you get sick it will only make matters more difficult. Try to do what you need to do to make it. Maybe you can set some boundaries with your daughter if she is being mean. She's probably hurting and confused too but it doesn't warrent unacceptable behavior. You don't need that right now. All the worry in the world isn't going to change things.. so focus on what you CAN change. Put yourself first!! Christy

As difficult as it may be, what you NEED to do is get some help for yourself to help you through this time. You say that you are worried about your husband, your daughter... What about you? Do you have a counselor or doctor you can call, as it seems to me that the circumstances around you are overwhelming you and you cannot look at it all calmly and with good intention for yourself. When I read your posts, I feel the anxiety and tension-- just from your words. I can relate because I was EXACTLY where you are right now with two smaller children, who I could barely take care of for 8 years of their young lives because I was too busy being extremely emotional, hurting deep inside because my ex husband (husband at the time) would get off work on Friday and rather than deposit his check in the bank to cover the bills I had just mailed out that morning (as he told me to do) he would go out with his boss and everyone from work. In turn, all the money would be spent, checks would bounce, etc.., etc.. I couldn't even begin to count the number of times this had happened over a 12 year period. Checks would bounce, then I'd be frantic trying to figure out how to cover the funds because I didn't work. Instead of spending my years focused on myself and my children, I lost so much precious time WITH my children and probably WITH my health because of how consumed my thoughts were with anger towards my husband at the time. The ONE thing I would change if I could go back--- if not for myself, for my children, as I see the effect my response, particularly with the extreme anxiety as a result of not knowing how to control my emotional state has contributed to some of my childrens issues. The longer I didn't take care of myself, the more I taught my children not to take care of theirselves and so the cycle repeats. However, I have been out for 9 years now-- diagnosed with anxiety disorder and PTSD. Of course, this also comes from a childhood of abuse, which my marriage was only a continuation of... Chrissy.... if not for yourself, for your daughter-- take your focus off of your husband and get some counseling for both of you if you haven't done so already. As long as you continue to be obsessed with your husbands actions, you will not be able to see what it is you or your daughter needs to survive, be healthy and take care of you and her. If you cannot afford counseling, look around, as there are some places that offer a sliding scale fee, which bills you only according to what you can afford. Of course, you always have the additionally support of Alanon. But seeing how you are still so focused on his behavior even though it continues and are so angry, counseling with a professional should be a first priority. My prayers are with you and your daughter. Hang in there. Many of us were where you are at, including myself. I can say that my recovery ONLY BEGAN when I looked at my response to the situations around me. Take Care!

Chrissy I have only just joined and I am miles away in Australia but please know I am thinking of you and your daughter. It is so hard to have a cut off point from love but I wonder if your husband is as focused on the well being of you and your daughter. Is he going to be there for you when you get sick from the stress?

Oh Chrissy, I am so very sorry this is happening to you. One sentence you wrote stuck me... "NOW THAT HE WENT THROUGH ALL THE MONEY HOW IS HE GOING TO SURVIVE." Believe me, Chrissy, he'll survive. You must tale care of your 13 year-old and yourself. You can be not help to her or anyone in your present condition. You'll be ok sweetheart. Take a deep breath. Now to this 13 year old who is disrespectful to you. Please put an end to that now. The problem will only escalate more the longer you allow it. I know at this time it is not easy, but please do try to reach her. Corral all that energy you are using on worrying about him, and give that energy to her. You'll be glad you did. With love and caring, Diva

THANKS , I PUT HIM UP IN A HOTEL SAVED HIS JOB , AND MADE HIM CALL HIS MOM I FEEL HORRIBLE THAT MY FAMILY IS FALLING APPART WHEN HE WENT TO SLEEP I LEFT HIM TO BE WITH MY DAUGHTER AND I DID NOT SAY GOOD BYE  OR LEAVE A NOTE HE WAS DEVISTATED I JUST WANT MY NORMAL HAPPY FAMILY BACK