Well, as you know yesterday was my birthday. My A had been calling for a week about our anniversary and my birthday to see me. I passed on our anniversary. After this weekend and his being there for me, I gave in on my birthday. I was having a horrible day all day, and he called several times to see how I was. I had been disappointed with my friends and quite honestly was having a bit of a pity/birthday party for myself when I was crying I blurted out "and you probably didn't get me anything either." "of course I got you something too" he said....he was working late and didn't get to my house until 10:30. He gave me a bag with a pair of jeans (not my size or taste) the receipt said 8:31 pm and I had spoken to him at 4:00! Now, this is not the issue. Most men do shopping the last minute. It was the LIE. Any deviance from the truth is like a knife in my heart. The look on my face must have been priceless. He knew immediately. We had a discussion about it and of course he was upset with himself and immediately brought up the fact that I'm not perfect either and the hpone call to my mother in law. Like I wasn't feeling bad enough already. I know that I was being a bit unreasonable about the gift....I was just upset about the LIE. Stupid lie, small lie...but a lie nonetheless. I just felt like that plus the comment about my mother in law made me realize that he has not changed. How could he...it's only been two weeks. My expectations are way too high. But it hurt. It was a reminder. We finally ended the conversation well. But wow! What an eye opener. It is so much easier to be away and not deal with that. I need to work harder at this.
megan said
Sep 27, 2005
Hi Kim,
We all slip it is part of the recovery process.
Alcoholics lie, it is what they do.
I don't know why, but after over a year of reading shares I found out they lie.
My birthday was Saturday. My alcoholic husband of 14 years called me. I have not lived with him since May.
He wanted to meet for lunch. he was drunk, I declined.
He then called me at 6pm and wished me a Happy Birthday, said he was sorry he forgot.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
So on my day I paid my bills, did wash, spoke on my phone to family and friends, opened my birthday cards and presents and spent 4 hours in the woods riding my bike. I could have: had lunch with the disease and become caught up in the crap but I said no, and I am proud of myself for doing so.
And I had a nice day.
Stay strong, work your program and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
In recovery
megan
marmare said
Sep 27, 2005
A few years ago on my birthday, oh now that I think of it, it was more then a few...LOL anyway, my A left for work, never said "happy birthday" just went on his way. My four sons got up, readied for school and off they went.......not a word of my birthday....(if your waiting for a huge surprise party and lots of gifts in this story....that didn't happen either) I was devastated....hurt, lonely, angry.....I can't explain the feelings I went through....I just thought how horrible, my day, my very special day, the one day a year that is mine and mine alone, after all I do for these guys....well needless to say, they all felt horrible later on about how they just simply forgot....Since then I have had ok birthdays, great birthdays, and wonderful birthdays, not all in that order either. This year was very special, as it was probably my last consecutive birthday where I awoke with all four sons sleeping in my house on my birthday. My one son came home on leave, went and picked up his older brother and brought him to my house....it was wonderful.....my whole day was wonderful...my co-workers remembered, my family remembered, my friends remembered, and my A remembered and bought a very nice gift....so with all that, I just wanted you to know that I could appreciate exactly how you felt.....and Happy Belated Birthday......Hugs Mary
canadianguy said
Sep 28, 2005
Yes, it was a lie.... but doesn't the whole experience remind you of just how crazy WE become with all this addiction stuff?? I mean, who reads the time stamps on their gift receipts, to check out what time the gift was bought!!?? Just another example of the devastation of this disease, and it drives us to doing stuff like this.... I hate this disease...
Tom
Hello all:
Well, as you know yesterday was my birthday. My A had been calling for a week about our anniversary and my birthday to see me. I passed on our anniversary. After this weekend and his being there for me, I gave in on my birthday. I was having a horrible day all day, and he called several times to see how I was. I had been disappointed with my friends and quite honestly was having a bit of a pity/birthday party for myself when I was crying I blurted out "and you probably didn't get me anything either." "of course I got you something too" he said....he was working late and didn't get to my house until 10:30. He gave me a bag with a pair of jeans (not my size or taste) the receipt said 8:31 pm and I had spoken to him at 4:00! Now, this is not the issue. Most men do shopping the last minute. It was the LIE. Any deviance from the truth is like a knife in my heart. The look on my face must have been priceless. He knew immediately. We had a discussion about it and of course he was upset with himself and immediately brought up the fact that I'm not perfect either and the hpone call to my mother in law. Like I wasn't feeling bad enough already. I know that I was being a bit unreasonable about the gift....I was just upset about the LIE. Stupid lie, small lie...but a lie nonetheless. I just felt like that plus the comment about my mother in law made me realize that he has not changed. How could he...it's only been two weeks. My expectations are way too high. But it hurt. It was a reminder. We finally ended the conversation well. But wow! What an eye opener. It is so much easier to be away and not deal with that. I need to work harder at this.
Hi Kim,
We all slip it is part of the recovery process.
Alcoholics lie, it is what they do.
I don't know why, but after over a year of reading shares I found out they lie.
My birthday was Saturday. My alcoholic husband of 14 years called me. I have not lived with him since May.
He wanted to meet for lunch. he was drunk, I declined.
He then called me at 6pm and wished me a Happy Birthday, said he was sorry he forgot.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
So on my day I paid my bills, did wash, spoke on my phone to family and friends, opened my birthday cards and presents and spent 4 hours in the woods riding my bike. I could have: had lunch with the disease and become caught up in the crap but I said no, and I am proud of myself for doing so.
And I had a nice day.
Stay strong, work your program and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
In recovery
megan
A few years ago on my birthday, oh now that I think of it, it was more then a few...LOL anyway, my A left for work, never said "happy birthday" just went on his way. My four sons got up, readied for school and off they went.......not a word of my birthday....(if your waiting for a huge surprise party and lots of gifts in this story....that didn't happen either) I was devastated....hurt, lonely, angry.....I can't explain the feelings I went through....I just thought how horrible, my day, my very special day, the one day a year that is mine and mine alone, after all I do for these guys....well needless to say, they all felt horrible later on about how they just simply forgot....Since then I have had ok birthdays, great birthdays, and wonderful birthdays, not all in that order either. This year was very special, as it was probably my last consecutive birthday where I awoke with all four sons sleeping in my house on my birthday. My one son came home on leave, went and picked up his older brother and brought him to my house....it was wonderful.....my whole day was wonderful...my co-workers remembered, my family remembered, my friends remembered, and my A remembered and bought a very nice gift....so with all that, I just wanted you to know that I could appreciate exactly how you felt.....and Happy Belated Birthday......Hugs Mary