Being new to this whole world of alcoholism, I have many questions. I love a good, rousing discussion, so often write from the challenging side. Please remember that my A had 25 years sober, and slipped about 5 years ago. After two awful years, he got sober again, but has had two slips since then, each lasting only a couple of days. He is sober now, and I live one day at a time. I gave up on f2f meetings (although many of you will believe I need them badly) because I found them to be a group of needy people who seemed to want to drag me down. That is not to say that I do not agree with the majority of Al Anon tenets, otherwise I would not be here. It IS to say, however, that I have issues with Al Anon. I found this site one night while my A was drunk and I couldn't sleep. Knowing the people here has done wonders for me. Really it has. I still have a different way of dealing with things than most of you, but I am trying to "take what I like and leave the rest." So please do not ever think that I am disrespectful, discourteous, or disliking. I am blunt, and I say what I think. Do not be offended. I would be very hurt if you were. With very kindest wishes to all. ..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:- ¸.·´ ..·´¨¨)) ((¸¸.·´ ...·´ Diva-:¦:- -:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*

 

Diva

I remember you being one of the first persons to reply to me when I first started posting here.  And I'm pretty sure that I thanked you for your perspective and had a lot of respect for you.  And I still do and I value everybody here for being themselves.  What I guess i am trying to say is that you are you and that is great!  So thanks

 

Love Julie D.

Diva, You keep doing what you're doing! You were the first person to reply to me, and it was very sweet. I'm incredibly greatful for everyone's insight into this disease. I may not always agree with what is said. But I always hear you. Glad your A is sober. So is mine and we are living moment by moment. ((((Hugs))) and prayers to all of you. Live strong, Karilynn

Hi Diva,

You are always thought-provoking, insightful, and frank and your posts show a great deal of intelligence, wisdom, and humor.  You have been the first person here to befriend me and you have been supportive of me.  Personally, I agree with the majority of the things that you say.  You are not easily lead, Diva.  Keep being an iconoclast, the world needs more people who question.

(((Diva))) I too enjoy your posts. Though the views may be different, it'd be pretty boring if we were all the same wouldn't it? Luckily, we aren't required to take everything as gospel. I believe "Take what you like and leave the rest" also includes Alanon. It can only work for everyone if we mold it in to what we can use. Take care Christy

Like the others Diva, I respect all other points of view, including those that oppose my own, as I find that I can learn much more in this way....

As for the Al-Anon thing, I would hope that you could find your way back there one day....  The meeting you attended may well have been "needy" people who were stuck - or that might have been your perspective with where YOU were at during the time...  Maybe you could try another meeting, if need be?  I believe in Al-Anon, as it has done wonders for me.... I walked away from it for years, before returning, as I had thought it was "not for me".  I'm glad I went back.

Take care

Tom

Dear Diva, You are a tonic to me. You have helped me when I am down, and, you haven't just talked back at me- you know what I mean, sometimes, with best of intentions, alanon people do that. Take what you like and leave the rest? Believe it or not, only thing I took from f2f alanon was Just For today card. It is a miracle I am still here, but, it was what I needed, for me, it was Alanon, for nearly 2 years. We are all different, it would be a much smaller place without you. I hope, you will find some recovery in alanon, you have helped in my recovery. One day at a time!!!! Lots of love to you Flora xxx

((((((((((((((hugs to Brava Diva!)))))))))))))))))))))))))

This slogan is my least favorite, because when it was said to me, I felt the person was saying it as a brush-off, like "Your problems are so enormous that I'll give you this simplistic answer so I don't have to spend any time with you." So, I hesitate to use it!!!! BUT...it's a good slogan!!

KEEP COMING BACK.

I felt really good when I came back to the board and noticed you had been here all along, Diva. The people that post here are regular people, some are exceptional people, some are extrordinary people and not so extrordinary. It's all good, and we all share a common thread. Some have lived with alcoholism before and hide it from others, some are new to alcoholism and discuss it with too many people outside of Alanon. In desparation, I reached out for help outside of Alanon and got no help and bad advice. So, I learned my lesson.

I went to 7 months of near daily AA meetings with my A in that small town I was in (as I have posted before), and AA's are really smart, capable, sometimes highly skilled people. They are interesting people and fun to be with. The AA's had parties and luaus, get-togethers, etc., all the time. Even now, when I go to an Alanon meeting in this larger city, and I see the AA's gathering in the same building for their meeting, I wish I could go to their meeting instead. It looks like more fun than our drippy Alanon meeting. But, I do know from going to their meetings and hearing them spill their guts out in honesty, that they have a hard road in this life, and they are sick. Really and truly sick.

I honestly, believe that if an alcoholic is sent into my life, that it has happened for a purpose. For ME to heal. In the literature it says that we can give the alcoholic "understanding and encouragement." Period. I can be understanding, and I can encourage them to attend AA. I can act with grace and dignity. That's it. It's not possible for me to help further because I'm not a recovering alcoholic. They can help because there's this divine magic that happens when recovering alcoholics get together.

I also think that when the suffering alcoholic is living with us (me), that it's the Universe's way of MAKING us (me) do whatever it takes to heal ourselves (myself). I'm not living with an alcoholic, but I know I need the healing of Alanon and I want it for the rest of my life. I also am noticing an alcoholic pattern in my family of orgin that I never noticed before. We were raised to be charming, fabulous, original and exceptional. Our family had gobs of family pride. It's something for me to look at now with new eyes.

I'm probably being too forward, but for some reason, I'm getting the feeling that you would probably like going to one of those big conventions where they have incredible Alanon speakers.

I just found this speaker site, and I'll listen to some of these tapes soon. I noticed Mary Pearl, and I know some people who love listening to her. I love listening to Father Tom, and want to find more of his shares.

http://www.xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php?action=category&id=16

 

Here's another site I found when I was looking for Alanon conventions on Google. There's one coming up in November in Houston. It looks like a gay focus so don't know if that would appeal to you or not. It sounds fun. Alanon conventions are usually connected with AA conventions. I've only been to Soberfest in Lake Isabella, Ca. It's great if you like camping or live there. I haven't been to a large convention yet, although I would like to go as long as there are plenty of Alanon speakers. I think it would be fun to go to Las Vegas for a convention, and make a vacation out of it.

http://www.anonymousone.com/activities.htm

TAKE WHAT YOU LIKE AND LEAVE/HEAVE/TOSS THE REST.

(((((((((((((HUGS TO DIVA NO MATTER WHAT))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))