My meeting this morning is on the topic of "Living in the Present" and last night I was reading/journaling and this page came up:
(Hope For Today, p.317)
Serenity? What's that? For years I was like a weather van that spun around according to the air currents that other people generated. My husband criticized me, and I lost my serenity. Before Al-Anon, I attributed these mood swings to nervousness, lack of self-assurance, and whoever else occupied the room at the time. Serenity always seemed beyond my control. I was convinced I needed quietness to feel serene, so I retreated to my room and napped frequently.
Today I don't need to withdraw to quiet places nearly as often. I don't need to run away from life. Sometimes I can even stand in the middle of a frenzied atmosphere and let it swirl around me, while I remain unaffected. I can tell myself to hush when my mind enters the muddy waters of "what if". I can sit still in the present moment and feel grateful for the sound of falling rain on my roof and for the purring cat curled up next to me. In my gratitude I experience serenity that I never knew before.
Where does this serenity come from? It comes from trusting that everything in my life is exactly as it should be. I feel it when I apply a slogan rather than panic about something. It comes when I chose to care for myself rather than fix someone else. It surrounds me when I seek God's will in prayer and meditation. It envelops me whenever I walk into an Al-Anon meeting, see the familiar faces of those who accompany me on my journey, and know, once again, I am not alone.
My serenity can be "disturbed" when I doubt or question why certain people are in my life or why certain events happen. Even when I am uncertain about why I am feeling a certain way, I need to remind myself everything is where it should be. Sometimes that is difficult because I have been faced w/somethings that I wonder why is this in my life right now-and how that relates to my future. I am reminding myself not to question it. My life is right where it needs to be. I only have TODAY to work with..and today is the only day my HP can help me with.
The weather vane anaology I can relate very well too, especially w/my A. My feelings and preoccupations w/future decisions often change in different directions due to me focusing on HIM and not me. I need to remember to care for myself and not fix him, and at this point, focus on self and not this marriage. I want to be steady and sure in my decisions based on my growth and being healthy and put that responsibilty in my hands NOT in his. Plus, it is tiring changing directins all the time!
Tammy said
Sep 25, 2005
ANOTHER GOOD ONE SQ... Thanks... I needed that .. Tammy
sg said
Sep 25, 2005
Tammy, my meeting is at 10:00 at Embers! hehe..want to come?
This is actually an offshoot of a meeting set up by my sponsor and my sponsor's sponsor and one other woman in the Progam. We had this need to have a private, very intense meeting...which we meet every other sunday.
We each take turns picking a topic out of the Hope For Today book, and then we journal w/each page that is read. The nice thing is we are in a very small situation where we can really delve into personal growth and share it between the four of us. I have found that I feel more comfortable being totally honest given that there is more time for us to share and that the four of us girls are working towards a goal of really bettering ourselves thru the program.
It is very intense and it is very honest...sometimes almost raw. Of course, we still go to our other meetings weekly. This was just an idea to something that was a great need for the four of us. Between us girls, there is a lot of years and work in Alanon. It has literally been a lifesaver to me.
ANOTHER GOOD ONE SQ... Thanks... I needed that .. Tammy