We'll i made it though the night and here I am today. I am thinking that my HP must be yelling at me by the way I feel. I still feel terrible but have talked to a bunch of poeple, both here and elsewhere. I keep coming up with the notion that my internal pain will go way once I deal with the problem. The problem being my A. I've been trying to follow the steps, say the prayers, use the slogans... But it seens my pain is getting deeper as the days go by. I must not be working on things hard enought or I must be off the corect path. Maybe it is time to let go of my A for awhile to get myself back together. I don't know if he would willingly leave the house.. even though a few months ago he said he would if that is what I wanted. He puts the guilt on me about our relationship but i know it is both of us. I have not helped it lately. I am not perfect... no where near! I do want to make the right decision for the kids,15 &17. They are suffering too and that isn't right. I will continue to battle my internal urges and try to take things slowly I am trying hard to listen to my hp for guidance. Life is too short to feel like this and I am the only one who can really change how I feel. I need to take the focus off him and all the crap that is going on and put it on me and my kids. I need to let go of yesterdays feelings and look for the good in today. I need to regain my strenght that I have gotten (and lost) while being here and focus of little steps. I will not think about long range right now.... its WAY TO HARD AND SCARRY! I will focus on the kids soccer games, trying to get a job, and something fun for me today. I need to get the me back so I can effectivly move onwards and upwards. Thank you all who got me though last night! I really needed a friend and I know I have many here. I have to keep remembering that!! Tomorrow I am going to try to get some sort of a sponsor, from my f2f meeting, who I can call. I know I was told i can call anyone on the list at anytime... but that is even scarier for me... what if they don't know who I am??? I m not sure this meeting is the right one for me but it is what I have right now and I have to use what I have! Time will tell but I know i really need to focus on me right now to get back in the ball game. I can't deal with thing feeling like this so I need to work on making changes within me. "Give me the courage to change the things I can" I repeated that over and over in my head last night as I was trying to stabalize myself and get to sleep. I did get a few hours of sleep and today is a new day. I will take it for what it is and try to make it better than yesterday. And thanks again for everyones support and help. Thanks for showing me the way and getting me to the point I'm at, or was at and will be at again! There is a lot of hope and suppoet in this group... something I have never seen before. It makes me feel good knowing there is a place I can go for support or when I am stronger to support others. Thanks for being here Greatfully~ Linda

-- Edited by sandie123 at 11:40, 2005-09-20

.I will continue to battle my internal urges and try to take things slowly I am trying hard to listen to my hp for guidance. Life is too short to feel like this and I am the only one who can really change how I feel. I need to take the focus off him and all the crap that is going on and put it on me and my kids. I need to let go of yesterdays feelings and look for the good in today. I need to regain my strenght that I have gotten (and lost) while being here and focus of little steps. I will not think about long range right now.... its WAY TO HARD AND SCARRY! I will focus on the kids soccer games, trying to get a job, and something fun for me today. I need to get the me back so I can effectivly move onwards and upwards. You got it!!!!!! One day at a time, yesterday is gone and you don't have to go back or stay there. :) I'm sure you got a lot of prayers last night w/o knowing it.... Christy

Linda, you are doing great--I find that when I am having a rough time, it is time for me to start doing things to draw me closer to my HP.  The fact that you are seeking peace and working on you means you are going in the right direction.  Keep working on you.  Love and blessings, Annie

May i invite you to do something? NOT advise. instead of saying need, put in I choose, and instead of try put in i will do. I need to take care of me or I choose to take care of me. Which feels better to you? i will find a job, not I will try to find a job. Just little changes can help us to work better. it helps me to say, I believe instead of i think. and use I am concerned, not i am worried. Just stuff from my 105 and 6 mo. old grama Ahart. love to you hon, debilyn just j