Hi to all, I am a grateful member of alanon for 2 years but I am having the hardest time of letting go. My son is an addict. he is 24 years old and seems to be going on 16. I love him dearly but the saying that they are addicted to drugs and we are addictedd to them seems to fit me to a t. I am so upset. I honestly can not be around him, it like imediate reaction to the pain and resentment I feel toward him just comes flowing out of my mouth. Today I told him I cannot be around u. He said I am trying to quit u will see, said he had not done anything in a week and he was high yesterday. I don't know why I keep letting him in the house He lives across the street from me and i know he is not working so I do want to make sure that he has food. Other then that i just want to let go. I love him but I only hurt him and myself when we are together. I don't want to not see him but right now I am not strong enough to have a conversation with him. Detach with love----I just don"t know how to do that at this point. Anyone that can help I so would apreciate it. He has 2 boys that I love dearly. they are with their mother and truthfully I don't know how to handle the situation when they are with me and he comes over. i do not him to take the kids but don't know how to stop him when he just takes them.
Dolphin123 said
Sep 19, 2005
((((((((((Mama)))))))))),
My children are young, my "A" is my husband.
I know the pain of watching someone you love slowly kill themselves. I am not in your situation, but I can understand your pain.
I just wanted to say hello, offer a big hug, and I know there is here. And I know that soon someone who knows your situation will post.
you are not alone, and you are in the right place.
Much Love,
abbyal said
Sep 20, 2005
Hi Mom so sorry your going thru this , best help I can offer is to go to our ODAT and read July 14th evry day til u can do what it says. Watching someone we love destroy them selves is not easy. something that helped me alot was Allow them the dignity to live thier lives the way they choose. Your not the reason he is doing this and you probably won't be the reason he quits , our detachment pamphlet also has some great tips for letting go. keep going to your meetings and working on you . goodluck Louise
Tammy said
Sep 20, 2005
Hi,
I think any mother can feel your pain.. My a is my husband but I have two teenagers and worry everyday about them and the effects alcoholism has on them. I am new to alanon so I dont have any advise but I hear detach with love and although I have tried it is HARD.. VERY HARD... Just take one day at a time, read all you can about the disease and keep posting here . There are so many GREAT people here all willing to offer a kind word, friendly advise or just listen.. It helps..
God Bless
Tammy
lin0606 said
Sep 20, 2005
You're right, if you can't see him without having those hurtful and useless conversations, it's better not to see him at all. This is not about punishing, it is about protecting yourself. It is also good for him to see that his behaviour has consequences, that he an actually lose relationships that are importatn to him, through his addictions.
About your grandchildren, although I know you are concerned with the emotional aspects of letting or not letting him take them, there is also a legal aspect to this. It depends on what the situation is between him and the mother, but chances are you do not have the legal right to deny him his children. I work at a daycare, and if a parent were to show up reeling drunk, we would still have to release his child to him; refusing to would be, legally, kidnapping. You might want to talk to the kids' mother, if your relationiship with her is good, and discuss some ideas about the best way to handle this.
The A in my life is my husband, but, like Tammy, I have teens. I know that this disease may grab them, as it did their father, and can't imagine the pain. Just take it one day at a time, we are always here, and so is your HP.
mama said
Sep 20, 2005
thanks for replying to my post. I can relate to your situations also. My husband is also an alcaholic and it is very hard when children are involved. I was not in to the program at the time so I wasted a lot of time worrying about him instead of allowing my children to have a full life. The truth is one day at a time and enjoying what I could with my children would of had better returns then what I did. However, knowing what I know I still fall into trying to control the uncontrollable. I thank you both for sharing and will keep your family in my prayers. I found the answer to why I can not be around my son. I think I need to set boundaries just trying to figure out what they are. Thanks again
((((((((((Mama)))))))))),
My children are young, my "A" is my husband.
I know the pain of watching someone you love slowly kill themselves. I am not in your situation, but I can understand your pain.
I just wanted to say hello, offer a big hug, and I know there is here. And I know that soon someone who knows your situation will post.
you are not alone, and you are in the right place.
Much Love,
Hi,
I think any mother can feel your pain.. My a is my husband but I have two teenagers and worry everyday about them and the effects alcoholism has on them. I am new to alanon so I dont have any advise but I hear detach with love and although I have tried it is HARD.. VERY HARD... Just take one day at a time, read all you can about the disease and keep posting here . There are so many GREAT people here all willing to offer a kind word, friendly advise or just listen.. It helps..
God Bless
Tammy