Hi I'am a newbie, hope I can ask this question, with out going on & on, sometimes I want to shut myself up. We have been battling with my 28yr. old son about his pot use & his drinking, since he has been 13-14. The man who started him & many other kids in the neighborhood on the pot, was an Disabled Man, who had his 'midley retarted. son living with him, at his Mothers house. So the son had the 'Friends' for his 'Dad' to deal to,'Don[the dad] wanted to sell his Gov. Alloment, to make extra money,plus he had friends who grew it, we live where their are many hills & moutians,so growing it was easy. We have had to get restraing orders on him, to get him out of the house,most leave when asked, but not my son, had to get the Sheriff for him. Durning the time we went to parent/teen meetings, so he knew we wanted him sober. Well 'Don' dies over 2yrs ago, my Son agreed to go the 'Salvation Armey' Program, while he was their it was like every 2-3 wks one of his friends would show up at the program. The 'Captian' asked me why all these 'Boys' were joining & all coming from our area, I just told him...'Well their concention died.' He was on his best behavier,the perfect person you would want to meet.
Ok after all that, he came home at first proud of being clean for 3 mons. but back with the same people, well you know the story. So out came the Sheriff, he keep ome of his stuff in the back yard, we didn't know where he went at night. OK were on our 3rd. order, cause he founf 'Meth' & one night took a bat & starting breaking up everything in his room, we call the cops, they take him away for the night. A few days later he goes fishing with a few friends,but on the way home, he starts causing trouble, the girl that went likes girls,so he was 'teasing' her, they got home in 20 mins. when it should take them 45mins. the next night he was in his bed,like nothing happened,so we threw him out. We got the Order but haven't served him yet, hes been living in the back yard, my Dogs sleep inside...hes out...LOL. Now does anyone now know why hes so much sober,then he was when living here...WHY? I'am sure he spent days drunk, but he has keep his job. showed up sober,its only 3 days, but they have ben calling him in...but why is he seeming to stay sober? If I left him back in he would come home drunk or high, Mommies heart is talking now, but why is he sober now,I got his bank Stament & he has close to 6-7 hund. dollors in his account. Why when hes sleeping on the ground he is sober,if he has his bed hes a drunk & drug user? Any ideas?..Mail me Please if anyone has any ideas...yellmouth@adelphia.net. I hope you get in touch with me soon. Thanks. Pegi
abbyal said
Sep 19, 2005
Hello Peg ,why ? simple he has lost his enablers he has to show up at work. Until we stop doing for them what they should be doing for themselves nothing changes. I hope u will consider Al-Anon meetings f2f for yourself it will help to clear up some of the confusion you are experiencing now. You need support from people who understand exactly how u feel and can share thier own experiences with you. This is a disease it is progressive it only gets worse never better. Until he says " enough " it will continue . good luck Louise
nikkilou said
Sep 19, 2005
Pegi,
He hit bottom outside. Lost his enabler(YOU). When he was inside he had it all you were their to pick up the peices food on the table and so on. Looks like your doing the right thing. I know it is hard. Try to get to some meeting and read the post hear they will help you. Nothing you can do will stop him from picking up again. That is his choice. keep coming i think this site will help you alot.
NIKKILOU
Karilynn said
Sep 19, 2005
Hi Peg,
Welcome. Glad you found us! I agree with what Nikkilou and Abbyal have said about you enabling them.
Here's another thought: you said that he was seemingly sober. Ever think that he might be what I call a "functioning addict"? My A would go to work and he wouldn't touch a drop. You wouldn't even guess by all the success he had in his industry that he had a problem. But when he would come home at night, he would drink. (This was before him and I were married, and he was still with his exwife and when he was divorced.)
There are plenty of people who can hold down a job and yet when they come home are out of control.
It's great that you've stop enabling him. Keep that up. But remember the 3 C's: You didn't cause it. You can't control it (even if you've stopped enabling him). And you can't cure it.
Please try and find some meetings to get to. It's also wise to read the Blue Book. They have it online. Just go to the AA website. Keep coming back to us! Take good care of yourself.
Live strong,
Karilynn
rosie light shines said
Sep 19, 2005
i have a daughter who is drug abuser.....right now as we speak she is on another **sabatical* and now??? i let her suffer the consequences of her deeds.....maybe myabe maybe if i **get out of the way* the karma she keeps making will drive her into recovery.....i hope so....so i am in serenity prayer mode, and doing the **detachment* thing....it goes on and one but you know what??? i am not going nuts anymore worrying about her!!! i let the feelings fly when she goes **away* but then, i work the hell out of the program....focus on me.....take care of me........i feel for you...this sucks having an *a* in your life...that is why i will never again marry one....its just too much drama for me.........rosie
Hi I'am a newbie, hope I can ask this question, with out going on & on, sometimes I want to shut myself up. We have been battling with my 28yr. old son about his pot use & his drinking, since he has been 13-14. The man who started him & many other kids in the neighborhood on the pot, was an Disabled Man, who had his 'midley retarted. son living with him, at his Mothers house. So the son had the 'Friends' for his 'Dad' to deal to,'Don[the dad] wanted to sell his Gov. Alloment, to make extra money,plus he had friends who grew it, we live where their are many hills & moutians,so growing it was easy. We have had to get restraing orders on him, to get him out of the house,most leave when asked, but not my son, had to get the Sheriff for him. Durning the time we went to parent/teen meetings, so he knew we wanted him sober. Well 'Don' dies over 2yrs ago, my Son agreed to go the 'Salvation Armey' Program, while he was their it was like every 2-3 wks one of his friends would show up at the program. The 'Captian' asked me why all these 'Boys' were joining & all coming from our area, I just told him...'Well their concention died.' He was on his best behavier,the perfect person you would want to meet.
Ok after all that, he came home at first proud of being clean for 3 mons. but back with the same people, well you know the story. So out came the Sheriff, he keep ome of his stuff in the back yard, we didn't know where he went at night. OK were on our 3rd. order, cause he founf 'Meth' & one night took a bat & starting breaking up everything in his room, we call the cops, they take him away for the night. A few days later he goes fishing with a few friends,but on the way home, he starts causing trouble, the girl that went likes girls,so he was 'teasing' her, they got home in 20 mins. when it should take them 45mins. the next night he was in his bed,like nothing happened,so we threw him out. We got the Order but haven't served him yet, hes been living in the back yard, my Dogs sleep inside...hes out...LOL. Now does anyone now know why hes so much sober,then he was when living here...WHY? I'am sure he spent days drunk, but he has keep his job. showed up sober,its only 3 days, but they have ben calling him in...but why is he seeming to stay sober? If I left him back in he would come home drunk or high, Mommies heart is talking now, but why is he sober now,I got his bank Stament & he has close to 6-7 hund. dollors in his account. Why when hes sleeping on the ground he is sober,if he has his bed hes a drunk & drug user? Any ideas?..Mail me Please if anyone has any ideas...yellmouth@adelphia.net. I hope you get in touch with me soon. Thanks. Pegi
Hello Peg ,why ? simple he has lost his enablers he has to show up at work. Until we stop doing for them what they should be doing for themselves nothing changes. I hope u will consider Al-Anon meetings f2f for yourself it will help to clear up some of the confusion you are experiencing now. You need support from people who understand exactly how u feel and can share thier own experiences with you. This is a disease it is progressive it only gets worse never better. Until he says " enough " it will continue . good luck Louise
Pegi,
He hit bottom outside. Lost his enabler(YOU). When he was inside he had it all you were their to pick up the peices food on the table and so on. Looks like your doing the right thing. I know it is hard. Try to get to some meeting and read the post hear they will help you. Nothing you can do will stop him from picking up again. That is his choice. keep coming i think this site will help you alot.
NIKKILOU