Hello roomies.

Tonight I had a wonderfdul night with my stepdaughter.  We went to a movie and stayed up late watching TV. It's so nice to have her in her room and with me.  At the same time it just breaks my heart. You see, I know that although I have a good relationship with her mother, things will not remain the same.  I will not have her every other weekend and her mother wanted to come tomorrow to pick up some of her stuff.  I'm just not ready to let her go, nor do I feel I should have to.  My A called again tonight and left a message asking"when I'm going to speak to him again and that he loves me". How?  I am so angry and sad that I had to let everything in my life go b/c of him.  I know it was my choice and one I had to make but I feel like I'm losing so much.  I made a home for her here.....I redecorated her room as a surprise for Christmas it took me two weeks everyday after work and on weekends to have it ready for her for Christmas Eve. It was such a joy to me.  Today I can barely go in there. I asked that they leave her things here for now.  Was that wrong, was it selfish?  Please pray for me.....

Hang in there ((((((kim)))) i am sure this is very hard on you!! Your in my thoughts and prayers!! no you are not being selfish you have ever right to your feelings about your stepdaughter! Just take one day at a time and focus on you sweetie!! Love bubbles123

Kim,

I know it doesn't help much--but I learned in alanon that their behavior does not mean that they don't love us.  I'm sure he does love you, but he's an addict.  They are not trying to hurt us, and in fact, hate themselves for hurting people.  I once asked my A--"why do you continue to do this to us" and he said "I'm not doing it to you, I'm doing it to me".

in support,

mom to 2

Kim, You're not being selfish. You're grieving that's all. That's part of the healing process. It's also natural to feel overwhelmed. Anybody would be. The stress alone of just moving drives me crazy! Add to it all the other issues! Holy cow how does one do it? But you are. Allow those feelings to be there. By all means have a good cry, you're entitled to it. You'll get use to all the changes. Don't rush it. Don't let anyone tell you what you should be feeling or how long it should take you to "get over it." This is your recovery, and nobody else's. You will always be kept in our prayers. Live strong, Karilynn

(((((Kim)))))),

A wonderful book regarding loss.  It has beautiful poems in it that will make you cry and laugh and help you deal with your emotions because if you don't deal with them now and let them ebb and flow, they will always be there on the surface.

How to Survive the Loss of a Love (Mass Market Paperback)
by Peter McWilliams, Harold H. Bloomfield, Melba Colgrove   yours in recovery, Maria123

Hello all:

thank you all for your words of encouragement. It is so sad and I am grieving.  I have had many a good cry and last night as I was writing my post was one of them.  My problem is three fold, 1) since my stepdaughter's mother will not allow my A to see her right now, I don't feel it is fair to HER to take everything away from her. Her mother doesn't have the best of circumstances and I feel that she shouldn't lose her room and my family who in essence have provided her with much more of a family than my A's family. 2) My family.  My parents (mostly my stepmother) have been putting an incredible amount of pressure on me about seeing her as well as constantly judging the situation I'm in and asking why I can't give it another chance and how my marriage will never work out with us living apart. I have explained ad naseum about addiction/alcoholism to them ,however, they are SO naive to it it goes in one ear and out the other.  and 3) My A:  his calling about my anniversary and having my stepdaughter makes me feel as if I should see him although I do not want to go back on my word (Get Sober, then we will talk).  As i said in my original post I AM SO CONFUSED. At any rate please help.  

(((((Kim))))))),

You are in my prayers!

Much Love,