I spent a good part of the evening speaking pn the phone with my younger son in Seattle who is celebrating a birthday tomorrow. Upon ending the conversation I came into the den where my A was asleep in his easy chair. I tried to wake him. Not easy to do. When I finally did, he staggered off to bed. I could see it in his eyes, I could hear it in his voice, and I could smell it on his breath. Oh God I hate this. I made it clear to him after he got his sobriety back nearly a year ago that I would not tolerate any more drinking. I told him I would divorce him. Oh I hate to see it end this way. But I'll stick to it. My world is falling apart once again. I had such hope for us. So sad.
With a heavy heart, Diva
TonyinSD said
Sep 16, 2005
Diva,
I'm going to "keep it simple". Remember your Dos and Dont's!
best,
T
debilyn said
Sep 16, 2005
My heart goes out to you so much diva. I know how you feel.
So sad he relapsed. Did you have a plan in force when he did
relapse?
When ya do split I hope you can give yourself lots of time to heal some.
I was fortunate to have a month to rest and nap and get over the
horribleness of it all.
Now I don't think about if he uses or not. It is nice to see him but not have
to live with him. I could not live with him.
sending you love and serenity. debilyn
abbyal said
Sep 16, 2005
hi Diva , are u sure that whats u want to do ? divorce ! I hope you are attending Al-Anon f2f meetings for yourself . This is a l ife altering decission there are worse things than a slip. He is not drinking at you this disease is more powerful than either of you. Only you know what is right for you , I wish you luck. Louise
chrissy said
Sep 16, 2005
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL I AM IN THE SAME BOAT I FEEL SO LOST IT'S NOW 2:35 AND HE IS NOT HOME AND HE TURNED HIS PHONE OFF I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE & HE IS SLOWLY KILLING ME AND OUR DAUGHTER.:(
GOOD LUCK TO YOU & your family
chrissy
tea2 said
Sep 16, 2005
Diva, so sorry to hear this news. Almost a year of sobriety? The pain you must be in. Please do get to a meeting -as many as possible. You always offer such kind words and support to others in here. Many wishes, T
megan said
Sep 16, 2005
Hi Diva
I am very sorry to hear this.
When my alcoholic husband went back to drinking after 5 months of sobriety I was devastated.
Please be kind to yourself. Maybe it is just a slip and he will get right back on track.
relaspe is part of recovery.
(((Diva))) Take care of YOURSELF
in recovery
megan
nycbt said
Sep 16, 2005
My husband has had a couple of slips. He has been sober for 6 months and then he just stop going to his AA meeting. I am hoping that he is just taking a break and then he will go back. Maybe your husband will go back as well.
-- Edited by nycbt at 09:16, 2005-09-16
browneyes said
Sep 16, 2005
hi Diva
I am so sorry you are going through this. (((((((((Diva))))))))))). I am praying for you and thinking of you and hoping for an outcome that will make you the happiest. let me know if you need to talk.
Love Browneyes
jessi said
Sep 16, 2005
Diva,
I am sorry to hear of your pain. I know you know this but I will say it anyway: whether you divorce is entirely up to you. If that feels like the right choice for you and your HP, know that there is lots of support in and out of this board for you.
I am not in a relationship right now but I often wonder how I would respond if my partner was sober when we got together and then relapsed. Relapse is a very real possibility for the A's in our lives and for us too! That is why I find it so comforting that Al-Anon can help us "whether the alcoholic is still drinking ot not."
Alcoholism is a powerful, cunning and baffling disease. Don't wait around for your husband to find recovery again if that doesn't feel like what you should do. Alcoholism does not discriminate. It is a disease of perception and could lure you into your own relapse.
Take care and know you are loved no matter what you decide and how you do it.
Love in recovery,
Jessi
canadianguy said
Sep 16, 2005
Sorry to hear of his relapse.... Just another reminder that we soooooo badly need to learn how to become LESS dependant on the alcoholics, and MORE dependant on ourselves.... I really DO hate this disease, and all the damage that comes with it...
Tom
rosie light shines said
Sep 16, 2005
diva........Oh I hate to see it end this way. But I'll stick to it. My world is falling apart once again. I had such hope for us. So sad.
rosie>>>>> yeah, i did to hate to see it end when i was married.....i drew a date on the calandar and told him *recovery by this date or i am GONE* well he was still drinking and verbally abusing me, so i packed up my stuff and i left....i did not look back....when he sobered up, i met him in a park, my wedding ring was OFF....and he wanted to come back....i told him EVERYTHING he said and did to me that hurt me so/ how he broke my trust/ lied to me/ abused me with this nasty mouth...i really confronted him, and i said *too much pain...too much hurt...and with an "A" mother, i knew his chances of slipping were great* we sat there and i just went through my *list* to him, and than i walked away...it was awful, but i knew i was right.....i just wish i had gotten into recovery...i had no idea of alanon/ et al, so i just kept my dysfunction until years later when i ended up in recovery....but even then, before i got into recovery....i knew i was not *going there* again (drinking/ abuse/bullshit promises never honoured, etc) i am afraid of adicts of ANY kind!!!! i am still alone, had a long term b.f. after my marriage and he drank too much too, but at least he was good to me....i just coudn't deal with the *unsafeness* of his drinking.......i am sorry you are experiencing this....i hope you take care of you....because in the end, all we got is US and our higher power....that is it....once i learned that i must look *within* for my love/ validation/ approval/ needs being met, i felt much more free....it sux being alone, but it beats the hell out of living with a drunk.,good luck, and prayers to you/ rosie
ctymom said
Sep 25, 2005
Diva wrote:I spent a good part of the evening speaking pn the phone with my younger son in Seattle who is celebrating a birthday tomorrow. Upon ending the conversation I came into the den where my A was asleep in his easy chair. I tried to wake him. Not easy to do. When I finally did, he staggered off to bed. I could see it in his eyes, I could hear it in his voice, and I could smell it on his breath. Oh God I hate this. I made it clear to him after he got his sobriety back nearly a year ago that I would not tolerate any more drinking. I told him I would divorce him. Oh I hate to see it end this way. But I'll stick to it. My world is falling apart once again. I had such hope for us. So sad.
With a heavy heart, Diva
I'm right were you are. My husband was sober for many years. 9 I think? And he started up again a couple of months ago. I told him that if he EVER drank again, I'll leave. I'm not going through all that again. He is mostly verbally abusive when drinking and just before he quit years ago, he was abusive a few times...ending up with a cracked cheekbone once. I'm not doing it again... I cant. Things were finally moving forward in our life and now this.
I'll find the strength to post my story soon. I'm just sitting here with anxiety and hurt and cant face it yet.
Pam
Diva,
I'm going to "keep it simple". Remember your Dos and Dont's!
best,
T
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL I AM IN THE SAME BOAT I FEEL SO LOST IT'S NOW 2:35 AND HE IS NOT HOME AND HE TURNED HIS PHONE OFF I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE & HE IS SLOWLY KILLING ME AND OUR DAUGHTER.:(
GOOD LUCK TO YOU & your family
chrissy
Please do get to a meeting -as many as possible. You always offer such kind words and support to others in here.
Many wishes, T
Hi Diva
I am very sorry to hear this.
When my alcoholic husband went back to drinking after 5 months of sobriety I was devastated.
Please be kind to yourself. Maybe it is just a slip and he will get right back on track.
relaspe is part of recovery.
(((Diva))) Take care of YOURSELF
in recovery
megan
My husband has had a couple of slips. He has been sober for 6 months and then he just stop going to his AA meeting. I am hoping that he is just taking a break and then he will go back. Maybe your husband will go back as well.
-- Edited by nycbt at 09:16, 2005-09-16
hi Diva
I am so sorry you are going through this. (((((((((Diva))))))))))). I am praying for you and thinking of you and hoping for an outcome that will make you the happiest. let me know if you need to talk.
Love Browneyes
Sorry to hear of his relapse.... Just another reminder that we soooooo badly need to learn how to become LESS dependant on the alcoholics, and MORE dependant on ourselves.... I really DO hate this disease, and all the damage that comes with it...
Tom
diva........Oh I hate to see it end this way. But I'll stick to it. My world is falling apart once again. I had such hope for us. So sad.
rosie>>>>> yeah, i did to hate to see it end when i was married.....i drew a date on the calandar and told him *recovery by this date or i am GONE* well he was still drinking and verbally abusing me, so i packed up my stuff and i left....i did not look back....when he sobered up, i met him in a park, my wedding ring was OFF....and he wanted to come back....i told him EVERYTHING he said and did to me that hurt me so/ how he broke my trust/ lied to me/ abused me with this nasty mouth...i really confronted him, and i said *too much pain...too much hurt...and with an "A" mother, i knew his chances of slipping were great* we sat there and i just went through my *list* to him, and than i walked away...it was awful, but i knew i was right.....i just wish i had gotten into recovery...i had no idea of alanon/ et al, so i just kept my dysfunction until years later when i ended up in recovery....but even then, before i got into recovery....i knew i was not *going there* again (drinking/ abuse/bullshit promises never honoured, etc) i am afraid of adicts of ANY kind!!!! i am still alone, had a long term b.f. after my marriage and he drank too much too, but at least he was good to me....i just coudn't deal with the *unsafeness* of his drinking.......i am sorry you are experiencing this....i hope you take care of you....because in the end, all we got is US and our higher power....that is it....once i learned that i must look *within* for my love/ validation/ approval/ needs being met, i felt much more free....it sux being alone, but it beats the hell out of living with a drunk.,good luck, and prayers to you/ rosie