Thought my A was sober for a year and a half. Went out tonight for a much needed break and left him home with my 3 kids. Came home to find him passed out, naked in one of my kids bed. (Luckily all 3 were asleep).
Don't know what to do - Can't threated to leave because I work and can't handle the kids myself but now I can't trust him alone. He doesn't acknowledge the problem. Its 4 AM, I can't get him out of my son's bed and I just want to cry.
megan said
Sep 15, 2005
Hi NJmom
Welcome to miracles in progress.
I am in NJ too. Morris Plains.
Do you attend face to face meetings for alanon? We have online meetings in the chat room here at 9am and 9pm.
Here are the 3 c's, we didn't cause it, we can't cure it and we can't control it - it being our loved ones alcoholism.
Keep coming back.
can you just roll him out of bed, leave him on the floor and throw a blanket over him? I left my husband on the floor many times, just tossed a blanket on him and went about my business. he is over 200 lbs and I got tired of trying to drag him to bed or the couch. Just a thought
Megan
Tammy said
Sep 15, 2005
I am so sorry for your pain.. It is such turmoil living with an alcoholic. It is just too bad the kids have to go thru this.
You have come to the right place. This is a safe place to talk with people who truly understand where you are .
I have spent more nights than I care to remember waiting for my a to come home.
It is such a dissapointment knowing that you believed he was in sobriety. You cant get hung up on that. Someone once told me that a's drink, that is what they do.. I know that doesnt make it any better.
Focus on you and your kids, as hard as that is to do.
Just a thought....
You say you cant leave because of the kids.. If you cant trust him with them how is he helping them ?
Tammy
sanddie said
Sep 15, 2005
I just have to make a comment about anyone having to go through this...... NOBODY has to go through this-- it's all a choice.
I think that an A lying in a bed with children passed out naked is absolutely ridiculous and should not be tolerated-- it's just my opinion, but that is WAY OUT OF LINE. It's one thing to have an A affect our own personal relationships, but to subject our children to this abuse only teaches them to live the same way OR if not, makes it a struggle throughout a majority of their life to overcome the learned behavior and being taught what is acceptable that truly isn't of these abusers. Sleeping naked in a bed with children can have such a HUGE impact on a child. Sorry, I tell it like I see it and clearly, this is not a healthy relationship. What was he doing naked anyway? And if he doesn't remember (like they all say), I'd definitely have some concern.
My prayers are with you and your children. May God protect and guide you in knowing the direction you need to take in your life.
-- Edited by sanddie at 07:49, 2005-09-15
canadianguy said
Sep 15, 2005
Hi there.... first of all, welcome, and hope you find all kinds of good reading and input from this site...
I had similar things happen, as my wife was a stay-at-home mom, and her alcoholism reached the point where she was truly NOT capable of being in charge of the kids... I let WAY too many scenarios like you described, happen, in the naive hopes that "next time she would act smarter". I finally had to bite the bullet, and got the kids into fulltime daycare, so I would get up in the am, get the kids to daycare, go to work, and then pick them up on the way home.... It was tough financially, but there really was NOT any other option.... My kids are worth much more than leaving with a drunk, which is what I was doing...
I would encourage you to find a plan, whether it be family, or daycare, or whatever.... I know I took too long to act, and wish now that I had been quicker....
I wish you all the best, and know how tough all this is...
Take care
Tom
nycbt said
Sep 15, 2005
Hi NJ MOm I live in Garwood, NJ. my husband after 6 months slip and it was very upsetting to know. He has refused to go back to AA. I hope your husband realizes what happens and gets help.
Diva said
Sep 15, 2005
Sanddie, whose post is above, has it just right. Your A's behavior is way beyond tolerable limits. Your children do not need to be parties to this nonsense. Your decision is clearly up to you, but I'd have a stop put to this immediately. Passed out drunk and naked in bed with my child???? I don't think so.
Good luck, Diva
abbyal said
Sep 15, 2005
Hi there, get yourself to al anon meetings as soon as possible , you need support . You don't have to deal with this alone anymore. There s nothing you can do about him but alot u can do for yourself and children. Al-Anon will help. good luck Louise
bcanuck said
Sep 15, 2005
welcome NJmom
Firstly, go ahead and cry. No point keeping it in. Glad you're here.
If he's passed out in your son's bed, you son can sleep in your bed. Enjoy some time with your son where he's safe. I agree with the others that you shouldn't leave them alone with him if you can avoid it. I missed out on many evenings as I didn't want my kids alone with a drunken dad, but my kids are worth it.
Thought my A was sober for a year and a half. Went out tonight for a much needed break and left him home with my 3 kids. Came home to find him passed out, naked in one of my kids bed. (Luckily all 3 were asleep).
Don't know what to do - Can't threated to leave because I work and can't handle the kids myself but now I can't trust him alone. He doesn't acknowledge the problem. Its 4 AM, I can't get him out of my son's bed and I just want to cry.
Hi NJmom
Welcome to miracles in progress.
I am in NJ too. Morris Plains.
Do you attend face to face meetings for alanon?
We have online meetings in the chat room here at 9am and 9pm.
Here are the 3 c's, we didn't cause it, we can't cure it and we can't control it - it being our loved ones alcoholism.
Keep coming back.
can you just roll him out of bed, leave him on the floor and throw a blanket over him?
I left my husband on the floor many times, just tossed a blanket on him and went about my business. he is over 200 lbs and I got tired of trying to drag him to bed or the couch. Just a thought
Megan
I just have to make a comment about anyone having to go through this...... NOBODY has to go through this-- it's all a choice.
I think that an A lying in a bed with children passed out naked is absolutely ridiculous and should not be tolerated-- it's just my opinion, but that is WAY OUT OF LINE. It's one thing to have an A affect our own personal relationships, but to subject our children to this abuse only teaches them to live the same way OR if not, makes it a struggle throughout a majority of their life to overcome the learned behavior and being taught what is acceptable that truly isn't of these abusers. Sleeping naked in a bed with children can have such a HUGE impact on a child. Sorry, I tell it like I see it and clearly, this is not a healthy relationship. What was he doing naked anyway? And if he doesn't remember (like they all say), I'd definitely have some concern.
My prayers are with you and your children. May God protect and guide you in knowing the direction you need to take in your life.
-- Edited by sanddie at 07:49, 2005-09-15
Hi there.... first of all, welcome, and hope you find all kinds of good reading and input from this site...
I had similar things happen, as my wife was a stay-at-home mom, and her alcoholism reached the point where she was truly NOT capable of being in charge of the kids... I let WAY too many scenarios like you described, happen, in the naive hopes that "next time she would act smarter". I finally had to bite the bullet, and got the kids into fulltime daycare, so I would get up in the am, get the kids to daycare, go to work, and then pick them up on the way home.... It was tough financially, but there really was NOT any other option.... My kids are worth much more than leaving with a drunk, which is what I was doing...
I would encourage you to find a plan, whether it be family, or daycare, or whatever.... I know I took too long to act, and wish now that I had been quicker....
I wish you all the best, and know how tough all this is...
Take care
Tom
Hi there, get yourself to al anon meetings as soon as possible , you need support . You don't have to deal with this alone anymore. There s nothing you can do about him but alot u can do for yourself and children. Al-Anon will help. good luck Louise
welcome NJmom
Firstly, go ahead and cry. No point keeping it in. Glad you're here.
If he's passed out in your son's bed, you son can sleep in your bed. Enjoy some time with your son where he's safe. I agree with the others that you shouldn't leave them alone with him if you can avoid it. I missed out on many evenings as I didn't want my kids alone with a drunken dad, but my kids are worth it.
Keep posting whenever you need, we're here.
Bonnie