Hi everyone,

     Sorry I have been away for so long, I just can't seem to take my recovery seriously or help wanting quick fixes.

     I totally understand that I have problems that need addressing as well as my a, so I know I can't blame my a for my life or situation.  He is a part of it not the cause of it.  But with that said I am facing another dilema and it is adding to my confusion.

     It would appear that my a is now involved with pot and I don't mean just smoking it, I mean possibly selling it.  I don't know what to do, I think he needs to leave my home but unfortunetly I can't afford to lose his paycheck.  I wouldn't take money from drugs even though I could use the extra money he spends it on his alcohol.  I assume he is selling it because he brought home a big bag and I found it, confronted him, he gave me the teenager answer of it's not mine, I don't smoke that, and I said so you are a drug dealer and he said I don't see it that way.

     I have 2 kids and I don't want anyone to think that I have anything to do with drugs, I barely drink, I certainly don't need people to think that.  I am so upset I don't know what to do.  If I throw him out I may have to become homeless and that would be good either.  I work hard every week to earn what I get but it is no where near what I need to live.

     I want to get serious and I want clarity about my life and the path I should take.  I know working the program will get me that but that brings me back to my failure to commit to anything that I have to work at.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings

Holly

Keep this in mind Holly: If, perchance, your home is raided on suspicion and any drugs are found, you both get carted off to jail. The laws concerning drugs are unforgiving now, and you would be seen as in possession as well as he. This is nothing to sit and ponder about. Several years ago I purchased a lovely home out of town with several acres, after which I heard that the builder, from whom I had bought it, grew marijuana in the yard!! I found a picture of a plant and went on a hunt for evidence. I did not find any, but a friend suggested I have the Sheriff's department search the grounds, which I did. There was nothing, but if there had been, I could have been held for it had I not alerted the law. Funny feeling. Holly have you checked out any state agencies or local agencies that could possibly help you? I am sure you and your dear children would not end up homeless. Of course, in the end, it is your decision, and I do wish you well, and will hold you in my prayers and positive thoughts. With caring, Diva

I haven't gone to any state agencies or anything like that, I have made it clear that this is not tolerated in my home and have no problem searching his stuff to be sure it doesn't come in.  He doesn't like it when I go through his stuff but I simply tell him, don't have anything to hide and there won't be a problem and if you don't like it get out.

I have no proof since I found the bag that he is still involved in this type of dealings and he hasn't had any extra money that I know of, so I am playing it by ear and that is why I haven't booted him out.

Clearly I am a proof kind of a person and unfortunely am to afraid to act and find out that I am acting rashly but you certainly give me something to ponder.  I did know that they would automatically assume I was involved.  I know that I am probably down playing a very serious issue but I'm just so concerned that if I act rashly, I may pay for it even more that letting him stay.

thanks for your experience and advice, it isn't taken lightly believe me

Holly

(((Holly)))

omgoodness! I usually don't reply to posts in great length for fear of not sounding correct or what I may say sounds silly.

My ex husband the A, I loved with all my heart. I felt he was my true soul mate, 11 years of divorce and still single, I feel the love I had for him in the beginning before things got crazier was real true love. Now I am lead to believe it was perhaps only young love who knows? I met him at 18 and was married by 20, our son came soon after. Anyway the drinking and pot use I knew of and was sooo naive. He soon was dealing large amounts. He would hide them in our son's diaper bag while transporting (very smart huh?) Mind you he was a functioning A on the job made a very good living but by dealing his weed he was able to support his habit and stash his extra cash.

No matter how much I pleaded with him and many arguments over this -it was his way or NO way, period. Sad to say he is still active and many years later I am in al anon finding ways to deal with the weekend visitations my son has with him and all the other things that goes with it. His family either uses too or condones it, s i g h. He also has smoked it w/ his nieces and nephews at my sons age (15)

I soo agree with Diva. Shortly before I left my ex the second time (I tried 2 year reconciliation) he made a drop off of a rather large amount to a local friend of his. His brother showed up two days later asking did you hear what happened to "Joe?" My ex went into full paranoia mode, hid his scale at his parents and laid low for a "short while" What happened was immediately after my ex A dropped off this large amt they (the authorities who were given info given by someone who was busted) showed up at his friend's house and had everyone (inc the guy's parents) up against the walls, kicking down doors and rifles drawn. Again s i g h.... Did he learn, no… At the time he was relieved that this friend did not give him up. My ex would only do large dealings as "not" to get caught, smaller amounts meant more people. Even as I used this as an example he would not listen, I so feared "everyday" even before this happened that I would be guilty by association. I did not partake, there for I also was no fun, I was the witch the nag. But now I worry now knowing our son is still in this environment every other weekend. Especially when I know when he picks our son up later on Fridays because that’s dealing day. I mean and yes I am projecting here, but the "What If" our son is there one weekend and the doors get kicked down, Is a warranted concern! I've been to court, his high priced lawyers let him get away with it all, and all his family and current girlfriend the “enablers” help. He's been caught on the job smoking it but got away w/ it by bringing his other brothers urine in for the test, that was when it was easier to do a decade or so ago. I also went to the local authorities to tell the story, I insisted it all remain as an anonymous tip. Yes he did get caught (only a small amt, the rest, his paraphernalia was at the g/f's house) again when a judge had ordered supervised visitation and they did a search only to become more angry with me, get away with it and ultimately take it out on our then 4th grader, still to this day my son is not allowed to mention my name "mom"

So (((Holly123))) I feel your pain and I have sooo been there. I thank you for sharing because by having my bit of rant here I just worked out that bit of "love" (LOL!!!) I had for him in my heart at this time.
Many sincere wishes to you, T~

Hi Holly I was wondering what had happened to you....as I hadnt seen you in awhile. I am glad you are ok. Sometimes we tend to veer away from Alanon , but it is always nice to know you are welcome back anytime. Working the program is something everyone does at their own pace and time. So hang in there your answers will come , and remember there is always hope.,,Take care,,,gardengal