Recently a friend of mine became very angery at me for reasons I was unsure of, said some things that were not very nice and it really upset me very badly, I shared my story with someone who told me I am an addict because I let people abuse me. Well I have never heard of this term before. I know what co-dependency is but to be an addict to abuse from other people I have never heard of this before.
This person told me not to write to me, not to talk to him every again. because that would be the same as useing , (like useing a drug)
well for awhile I agreed with him , then it suddenly hit me How in the world is that considered addiction when I am a christian and belive in turning the other cheek? So I emailed this guy and appologized to him for what ever I had done,, which it seems that I talk to much, or tell him about some of my problems, too much,,,
So now this other person insist that I used and am a addict I say, well when I am a teacher and get my own class I will not teach an eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth,, He replyed, then your teaching abuse..
yes, Iv been in some abusive relationships, I don't see this one as being the same,,
I need some comments here please I am very confused,,,
Thank you!
camra
cedarpines said
Sep 13, 2005
Hey Camra,
I'm no expert, but I agree with you. I don't know what your "friend" is talking about. I know because of growing up in a dysfunctional A family, I subconsciously sought out unhealthy relationships. Now that I'm in Alanon I can see that and am learning about boundries, not accepting unacceptable behavior (including abuse). I'm not sure I was "addicted" to the abusive people in my life, maybe codependent. Whatever it's worth, this is my 2 cents worth. I'm in Alanon now to work on me so I will learn how to be in healthy relationships hopefully. My picker sure was broken for a long time. I'm learning to evaluate who I want to be in my life or not. You're doing great. Keep taking care of you. I'm also learning to consider the source and trust my gut.
Take Care,
Cedarpines
holly123 said
Sep 13, 2005
Camra,
I'm not sure completely on the details of this relationship, sounds like you friend may be frustrated that you are not progressing as fast as they may think you should. I don't think it is up to them to tell you that you are a addict but you maybe addicted to this kind of friendship. What this person is saying certainly sound abusive to me and yet you want to apoligize for something when you don't think you have done anything wrong.
I think it is important for you to work on you, and I agree with you that codependent may be more of what you are, I think being addicted to the caos is all part of being codependent. I am reading co-dependancy no more, this is my second time but I first read it about 1 1/2 years ago so it all seems new to me now, I have more of an understanding of what they are saying. I would recommend the book if you have never read it or recommend re-reading it.
Obviously I don't know you and I certainly don't know what you are or aren't or what is best for you but I know that I have learned a lot from reading books. And keep coming back it will get better.
Holly
canadianguy said
Sep 13, 2005
Hi - sounds to me like your friend is quite "off-base" with their assessment of you.... Hopefully your friend is saying it from a good heart, hoping that you work on yourself more....
The only relevance I can draw from it, is that when WE are sick, we DO tend to be drawn to crisis and drama... Before we work on ourselves, it is NOT uncommon for us to be "sucked into" the thrill, drama, etc., of what comes with living with addictions around us.... We may hate them (the addictions), but for inexplicable reasons we are drawn to them...
Al-Anon, and similar recovery groups, is the answer, as it is for most of us....
Take care
Tom
camra said
Sep 13, 2005
Wow thanks guys , I think you guys are all right. This guy just became I rate with me because I would not let him send me a book he thought I needed, well I wasn't about to give out you address over the internet to someone I don't even know. this only made him angery.
I think this guy was up to something, just looks that way anyway, why would anyone get angery over something like that??? doesn't make sence does it .
Need some input here please..
Recently a friend of mine became very angery at me for reasons I was unsure of, said some things that were not very nice and it really upset me very badly, I shared my story with someone who told me I am an addict because I let people abuse me. Well I have never heard of this term before. I know what co-dependency is but to be an addict to abuse from other people I have never heard of this before.
This person told me not to write to me, not to talk to him every again. because that would be the same as useing , (like useing a drug)
well for awhile I agreed with him , then it suddenly hit me How in the world is that considered addiction when I am a christian and belive in turning the other cheek? So I emailed this guy and appologized to him for what ever I had done,, which it seems that I talk to much, or tell him about some of my problems, too much,,,
So now this other person insist that I used and am a addict I say, well when I am a teacher and get my own class I will not teach an eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth,, He replyed, then your teaching abuse..
yes, Iv been in some abusive relationships, I don't see this one as being the same,,
I need some comments here please I am very confused,,,
Thank you!
camra
Hey Camra,
I'm no expert, but I agree with you. I don't know what your "friend" is talking about. I know because of growing up in a dysfunctional A family, I subconsciously sought out unhealthy relationships. Now that I'm in Alanon I can see that and am learning about boundries, not accepting unacceptable behavior (including abuse). I'm not sure I was "addicted" to the abusive people in my life, maybe codependent. Whatever it's worth, this is my 2 cents worth. I'm in Alanon now to work on me so I will learn how to be in healthy relationships hopefully. My picker sure was broken for a long time. I'm learning to evaluate who I want to be in my life or not. You're doing great. Keep taking care of you. I'm also learning to consider the source and trust my gut.
Take Care,
Cedarpines
Camra,
I'm not sure completely on the details of this relationship, sounds like you friend may be frustrated that you are not progressing as fast as they may think you should. I don't think it is up to them to tell you that you are a addict but you maybe addicted to this kind of friendship. What this person is saying certainly sound abusive to me and yet you want to apoligize for something when you don't think you have done anything wrong.
I think it is important for you to work on you, and I agree with you that codependent may be more of what you are, I think being addicted to the caos is all part of being codependent. I am reading co-dependancy no more, this is my second time but I first read it about 1 1/2 years ago so it all seems new to me now, I have more of an understanding of what they are saying. I would recommend the book if you have never read it or recommend re-reading it.
Obviously I don't know you and I certainly don't know what you are or aren't or what is best for you but I know that I have learned a lot from reading books. And keep coming back it will get better.
Holly
Hi - sounds to me like your friend is quite "off-base" with their assessment of you.... Hopefully your friend is saying it from a good heart, hoping that you work on yourself more....
The only relevance I can draw from it, is that when WE are sick, we DO tend to be drawn to crisis and drama... Before we work on ourselves, it is NOT uncommon for us to be "sucked into" the thrill, drama, etc., of what comes with living with addictions around us.... We may hate them (the addictions), but for inexplicable reasons we are drawn to them...
Al-Anon, and similar recovery groups, is the answer, as it is for most of us....
Take care
Tom
Wow thanks guys , I think you guys are all right. This guy just became I rate with me because I would not let him send me a book he thought I needed, well I wasn't about to give out you address over the internet to someone I don't even know. this only made him angery.
I think this guy was up to something, just looks that way anyway, why would anyone get angery over something like that??? doesn't make sence does it .
Anyway thanks you all for the replys...
camra