He called back this evening to see how I was doing. "not well" was all I could muster.  "me neither" is all he could reply.  I said that I think it's better that he leaves me alone for a good while.  I hung up the phone. I'm just too tired.  The other day mar posted about Fridays and how she hates them.  I had responded back saying I too hate them b/c it reminds me I'm alone. This weekend was an eyeopener. Many of my weekends in the past month have been ruined by my A, beginning with my vacation back in August when I orginally asked him to leave. Silly me I thought him leaving would relieve me. It has in the day to day but God, my weekends have been a b**** and for now I'd rather be alone.

Hang in there and be strong.. I wish i could have.. About 2 months ago I took my children and left ( my A wont leave the house ). I remained gone for about a week and on a FRIDAY night, he called me and ask how I was.. I replied almost EXACTLY what you did " NOT GOOD" he said the same.. We talked and cried for over an hour and Saturday he called me before 7am and said "come home " .. I did .. That was 2 months ago and well, you guessed it NOTHING CHANGED.. We are still very distant and he is still drinking.. We are back on this rollercoaster of alcholoism.. My point ?? I wish I would have stayed strong, stuck by my boundries.. Today would be different.. I keep remembering " NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES" and "ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS ".. I think they want to change and they are as addicted to drinking as we are to them.. Stay strong. This is just my view... Take what you want and leave the rest . Tammy

Well Kim, at least you managed to get a sanity day, which is a positive..... Do you journal?  I used to find that journalling helped keep ME in a better balance, as I would ride the rollercoaster along with my (then) active wife - going through all the ups and downs, etc.....  Then when she would be nice to me for five minutes, I would forgive & forget everything, and the cycle would start again.....  Writing down my thoughts and feelings in a journal everyday became a big help - I could refer back to my own words when I was feeling lonely, or weak...

Just a thought...

I wish you peace and serenity

T

I am so proud of you and a little jealous.  I have done a lot of thinking lately.  It's the promises and me wanting to believe them so badly that has kept me on the ride for one more spin around the park.  I would give anything to get off.  It's making me a little dizzy.  I did make a step this morning and called an attorney I think will help me.  I know for sure, 100% that this is now wht i want.  I just need to find an attorney I can afford.  Someone should have made it more difficult for us to marry!!!  Good luck to you.  Loneliness on the weekends and in the evenings is certainly a b%#$@!!!!

Hi there

I am really sorry you are having such a hard time..  I know how it feels b/c I left my A last August and he did everything possible to get me back or be an asshole, etc.  I(t really sucked!!!  It was easier for me to just give in to him again to make the whole thing stop.  And I really believed him this time, ha ha.  I hope you can stick to your guns b/c it can only get easier with time and him accepting that you really mean what you say.  I think that is part of the rollercoaster-Us being so confused on where we stand that we are always going back and forth and round and round that when we really mean what we say, they think we're just bluffing again.  Be proud of yourself, you are doing GREAT. Otherwise he wouldn't be putting up such a fuss.

Love Julie D.

Tammy,

Just an addendum :)

Remember every day we can start over.  Just because you went back, it does not have to be a life sentence.

Make the best decision for you and your kids.

Yours in recovery,

Maria123