I have been with my husband for 17 years, I have three children, 20, 17 and 15.  My older two children are from my first marriage and my 15 year son is from my current marriage.

I currently support the entire family as my husband has not had a steady job in two years.  My job is very demanding and extremely stressful.  But not as much stress as my home.

My husband has always drank but it has gotten much worse since we both lost our fathers in 1998.  I struggle each day to keep my job going, watch over my kids and worry about my husband.

We argue constantly and he tells me that I am crazy, paranoid and "need to be stuck up his butt" because I expect him to take care of things at home(he is a carpenter and started many projects but not finished any). He tells me that I am a bad mother.

I am starting to believe him.

I guess I am looking for help and guidance and don't know where to turn.

I have been up all night looking on the internet for guidance and I came upon this site.

I no longer feel attactive or able to control things.

I am sorry that this is so unorganized, but I just can't get my thoughts straight.

Any words of support or guidance would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

((((((((((((Gottago))))))))))))),

So glad you found this room and chat.  In open chat, please just jump in and talk with us.  We are here for you. 

We who live, or have lived with the problem of alcoholism understand as perhaps few others can. We too were lonely and frustrated, but in Al-Anon we discover that no situation is really hopeless, and that it is possible for us to find contentment and even happiness whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not.

A few special words to those of you who haven’t been with us long: whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them, too.  If you keep an open mind, you will find help.  You will come to realize that no situation is too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened.

I hope to see you again soon and get a chance to chat with you.

((((((((((((((((((((Gottago)))))))))))))))))))))))))) <-------hugs

Maria123

Hi Gottago

 

((((((Gottago))))))))

 

Welcome to Miracles in Progress

 

I found this site last july. My husband has not worked in 3 years and my life was miserable.

I did EVERYTHING. Worked andextremely demanding and stressful job, did the shopping, the cleaning everything. He drank, called me names and made horrible messes.

One thing I first learned at my first face to face alanon meeting is that I was living with insanity.

Living with an active alcoholic will make US, the sober ones insane.

This is true. I was CRAZY. My life was wildly out of control.

Alcholism is a disease. A disease that affects the whol family.

here are the 3 C's, you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it.

It being an alcoholic's drinking.

Alanon will teach you what is yours and what is not.

One of the first things I was told was to do was something nice for myself.

So I bought lipstick, small but I hadn't bought any in years. I started small and am now writing this to you from a vacation BY MYSELF, and I am doing well.

This is all thanks to the strength that I have learned from the alanon program.

This room and the online meetings have saved me from a life of despair and misery.

Thank you all and welcome to YOUR recovery gottago

Megan

Gottago, First of all welcome. I know it seems like your life is spinning out of control. I'm glad that you've found us. These people are smart and strong. If you can find a local Al-Anon meeting, I think that would be very helpful to you. Your children would probably benefit from the Ala-teen programs as well. Megan is absolutely right. None of this is your fault. Once I realized about the 3 C and started to believe in it, a great burden was lifted off me. Of course I didn't cause his disease. Of course I can't cure it (he can't cure my blood pressure) and I can't control it. But I can control what I do. I can control my blood pressure. I control how I handle my recovery. I will not let his disease kill me. I have to be strong for me. We have no children and yes the situation is different. But the underlying issues are the same. The goal is the same: to be as emotionally healthy as we can possibly be. To live strong. Nobody says it's going to be easy. But it's worth it. It's learning to be comfortable in our own skin, as my A says. I'm sorry if this sounds cold to some people out there, but I'll be dammed if I'm going to let his disease kill me. I'm too stubborn and too old to let this get me down. You can try if you like, and I may stumlble along the way. But I promise you this (I made this promise to myself this last time he relapsed) that as much as I love him, I will not be dragged down by his alcoholism. Now he's back in a program and there have been some hiccups. Things do get better. I told him that I would not die with him if chose to do so. This has to be about you. You have to get healthy. You have to recover. Don't be like my sister who uses the excuse that she doesn't have the time. Make the time. You're worth it. The children will see that their mother is taking back her life, and they'll want to get better too. There is great beauty in all of us, even if we don't feel it at the time. Look at your children. You had a hand in that. You can and will do this. There will be plenty of people here to support you. Sending you lots of positive thoughts. Remember: it's your life. You will have it your way. Take no prisoners. Live strong, Karilynn

Welcome, "Gottago."  Before I found this site, I was "beating" myself up because I could not get my A to do what I thought he should do--stop drinking.  I felt guilty and thought my sons thought less of me because I could not control him and make things right.

Knowing the three Cs, didn't cause, can't conrol or cure it, gave me soooooooo much peace.  I quickly began to detach, set boundaries, and began working on me--reading and strengthening my relationship w my HP.

I soon realized no matter how much I asked, my A will do what he wants when he wants. 

I have to admit I am still not at peace because our family is missing one important person--my husband--who has become someone who has lost his spirit and has taken his life to the bar for around 12 hrs. a day now. 

But our lives go on and we all try to deal w it as we can.  Keep coming back and posting.  Love and blessings, Annie