Forgive me, I don't know if I am in the right place to be doing this or not.  I feel at the end of my emotional rope here and need to reach out.  They don't have Alanon meetings close to me and I am not sure what other resources are available to me.

My story, I met and fell in love with a fellow off a christian site. He is a ex-pastor, and has sustained many hard blows within the past 5yrs.  As a result of these, he began drinking and using Klonopin, and it has now taken over his life.

I began to realize the craziness of his life and his situation, and reached out to a friend of his that is currently a Pastor and is in recovery from his own addictions, for the last 15 yrs.  This friend was his best friend.

We both confronted him, with the truths of what we saw happening. He has affectively cut us off from his life, and is becoming increasingly paranoid, as a result of this botched intervention.

I know that we did the right thing, and I also know that I could not, nor do I want to have a relationship with a Man that is a substance abuser.  Why does this hurt like hell?

He has already replaced me with a new lady, and we were to be married last mth!  This intervention happened 3 wks ago, we last saw each other 4 wks ago.

I don't know what to do, I don't know who to turn to that would understand. I am feeling pretty isolated and alone.

 

Candace M

Candace you have come to the right place, but please do not expect any of us to give you any advice on how to get him back. You tried to help, not knowing that the only person who can help him is himself. Look at it this way: You are no longer with him, and that is probably the best thing that could have happened to you. This guy is flying red flags all over the place. Your broken heart will heal when someone deserving of you comes along. Chalk this one up to a bad experience and go on. He has cut you out of his life because he is not yet ready to face his own demons, and you tried to force him to do that. Believe me my dear, your HP was looking out for you. With care and concern, Diva

 

Thank You, Diva,

I wasn't asking for advice on how to get him back, just how to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and how to understand all of this.

Would it be appropriate for me to use a 12 step program?  Where I am currently living, there are no Alanon meetings.

Can someone direct me here.

Thank You,

Candace

Of course dear. The 12-step program is what we follow. There are on-line meetings here on this site. I do not attend them, but I think there is a link to the meetings and times and days of the week are given. Look at the top of th page. Take care of yourself. You'll make it. Diva

 

 

Thank You!

This program may be helpful to you, as it will help you to focus on yourself, rather than on him. If you really work it, you can find out what in you drew you to someone with these problems; if you don't come to understand this, you may just do it again. One thing to remember - of course you feel bad. You are grieving the loss of the future you thought you had with him. Even though many of us have had to leave the A's in our lives in order to save ourselves, it doesn't mean that we didn't ( and don't) love them. There's nothing wrong with feeling bad when you see him going downhill, it's a heartbreaking sight. Give yourself time, and permission to grieve.

Hi Candace - yes, you have come to the right place, and these types of online groups are the next best things to face-to-face Al-Anon.

I would also encourage you to read and educate yourself.... If you pick up some good books (Getting Them Sober, by Toby Rice Drews, is at the top of my list), you will begin to comprehend some of the craziness that you have been going through.

He is feeding his addiction right now, and since you weren't making it comfy for him to use, then he left you and found somebody who will allow him to...

Your intervention may have been "botched", but it sounds like it was done with the best of intentions, and I love the saying: "I did the best I could with what I knew at the time".

Read what you can, share your feelings, and you will start to feel a little better.  Alcoholism is an awful thing, and very difficult to fully understand.  You have taken a great first step by saying hi on this site....

I wish you health and serenity

Tom

Welcome Candace

Yes you are in the right place.   The meetings in chat are a great place to start if there are no meetings in your area.  I have never personally shared in a chat, but I get a lot out of seeing what others have to say.  This program works, without a doubt.  Keep coming back, we've all been there in one form or another, and we all understand where you're coming from.

Bonnie

 

  Thanks to all of you that responded to my post.  I appreciate the words of wisdom and encouragment.  I continue to take it on a daily basis, because, right now, thats all I can do.  There is a sense of freedom in that as well, because right now, I know that I don't know, and thats O.K.!

 

Blessings,

Candace M