I'm so tired of the same games and it makes me angry that I get sucked into it.

In a nut shell: He gets drunk, I get emotional (sad, angry, ect.), he passes out, I'm up half the night with anxiety, mulling over the events, our future, ect., in my mind. The next morning he might have a hang over, but he also has the luxury of not remembering anything that happening the night before. He gets up and goes about his life and I am still bitter, angry and hurt.

I know I am pretty hard on him, maybe I'm just extremely selfish, but sometimes I wonder... Who does this disease hurt more, him or me?

I understand he is in his own pain. I'm just really frustrated (and lacking sleep over last nights events). Probably because I'm new at this taking care of myself business and I'm not very good at it yet. My emotions are still tied up in his behaviors.

I hope after venting a little I will be able to sleep a little before work!

Thanks for being here! Jersey

Hi Jersey~ I can relate so well to what you are saying. You are feeling just how I used to feel and how I sometimes allow myself to feel. When my A comes home having had anythinkg to drink I try to leave the room. I try not to talk to him because he only will irritate me. I try to make sure I do something for myself during those time. The more I remind myself I did not cause this nor can control him the better I feel. I realize I can control how I feel by what I do... so I focus on ME! It is hard but keep on trying and keep on coming back! Good luck Linda

I too get sucked in.  Last week while reading the postings, someone said they refuse to talk to the "disease" I am trying to remember this.  I will talk to my A but I don't want to talk to the disease.  I heard for years you can't argue with a drunk, but I have.  I too have been up half the night so upset and hurt, while he snores.  Sometimes when he gets to going, which gets me going, I lay quietly and imagine my perfect place, the ocean.  The waves coming in, I repeat the words, "Let go and Let God" it seems to help most times.  I fall asleep peacefully.  The times that are the toughest for me are the nights when he just doesn't come home, which in the last couple months have been more then in the past.  I have a hard time going to sleep and if he hasn't called to say he's okay I am up on and off all night.  I have to work on those times more.  I have to also remember I am a work in progress.  Hope this helps.

Hugs Mary

I understand he is in his own pain. I'm just really frustrated (and lacking sleep over last nights events). Probably because I'm new at this taking care of myself business and I'm not very good at it yet. My emotions are still tied up in his behaviors.

 

####ROSIE....jersey i can so relate,  i was married to an "A" a swell  and i did not have this program,  had i had, i would have gotten into as many meets as i could  and devoured the literature  done it ALL...."taking care of me"  is a   habit i must learn....i have to *practice*  to do it and now it is comming more natural.....i also do self talk   * i love me, i accept me   i am enough*    and i also am learning to look within for my emotional needs being met.....i used to , in the beginning of recovery  yearn for another mate.....NOW???  i am yearning to get strong/loving with ME first,  so i don't keep getting the losers....AS i love me/  take care of me/ i will *repel*  the ones who are not keepers.......please take what works and leave the rest.....my heart goes out to you...keep talking and keep  working the program,  it DOES work!!!!    peace / rosie

"The next morning he might have a hang over, but he also has the luxury of not remembering anything that happening the night before. He gets up and goes about his life and I am still bitter, angry and hurt." This is what we mean by become sicker than the A. My A is exactly the same. He never remembered the unkind things he said nor how upset I became. He went along his merry way while I became more and more unhinged. One fine day we wake up and decide our raving, crying, threatening, and cajoling are having no positive effect whatever. This is the time at which we decide to take care of ourselves before we completely lose our minds. Just remember the three Cs, and take care of yourself. With caring, Diva

Thanks everyone. I finally am beginning to feel like I am really in the right place! I cherish your experience, strength and hope! Thank you for sharing!

Jersey