This has been a short week at work, but it has been a long week at the same time.
On Tuesday I found out that a co-worker of mine slept with another co-worker's biyrfriend. Last night the girl who was cheated on tried to kill herself. I found out that this is the third time in less than 3 weeks that she has tried to end her life.
I don't understand. She is such a beautiful person, inside and out. She is funny, intellegent, and just wonderful. And has been sucked into a DV relationship.
And I am so angry, angry because I can not do anything for her. She has been hospitalized for an unknow period of time. I went and saw her today, and it hurts so much to see her like this. I held her and told her that I loved her, but God I want to fix this, it hurts so much, and I am not even the one who has been wronged.
I am a very loyal friend, and heaven help the person who hurts a friend. This guy who she is with was at the hospital, and I wanted to hurt him, but I just ignored him.
I know I cannot fix this, I know this! But my codependent is running wild right now. My mind is racing. Yet I know I cannot fix this.
The reality is that this is not my problem. This is not my issue. I can be a good and supportive friend, and that is it. I can hold her if she needs a shoulder to cry on. I can listen to her. I can tell her that I love her, and I know this is enough even though it doesn't feel like it. It feels like nothing.
Yet I know that love is the most powerful gift you can give. And I have very few friends outside of alanon that I can say that I love, actually 5 that I can think of.
This is new to me, I have never had to face something like this. My "A" is here, but as active as he is he can not be the support that I need, thank you, because I know I have you all to lean on! I need that now! As I am bawling, struggling because I know I cannot fix this, but I am not accepting it right now, so there is why I am struggling.
Thank you all for being here!
Much Love,
Karilynn said
Sep 8, 2005
Dolphin,
You are much stronger than you realize. You'll get through this. Sometimes you just have to let the bad feelings be there and recognize that they are there. It's a Taoist approach. It took me years after I lost my Mom to figure this out. You may not be able to "help" her in the way you think you should. She has to make that choice about living, like the A has the choice wether or not to take the first drink. It may very well be in God's hand. You know all this.
All you can do is let her know how much you love her. (I suspect that she already knows this.) You'll get through this. I have faith in you, even though I hardly know you. When faced with great adversity people surprise each themselves with how much strength they have in them. Other people may see it, but we never see it in ourselves.
Take care of yourself.
Live strong,
Karilynn
I'm sorry your going through this. Being there as a friend is all you can do it is up to her.
Take care of yourself and feel the feelings you have. Best to get them out not keep them inside.
Your Friend NIKKILOU
Jersey said
Sep 9, 2005
Dolphin,
What an awesome friend you are! She is very lucky to have your love and support. It sounds like she could use a cheerleader in her life.
I know suicide is hard to understand. I have been hospitalized myself for the same thing and had several attempts prior to that. I believe your friend is all the wonderful things you say she is, sadly, she is not able to see those things in herself. The pain she suffers is too great. The one thing I can tell you about suicide is something you have probably already heard. The person doesn't really want their life to end as much as they just want the pain to end. The person doesn't have any other skills of coping than "running away". I would guess this great pain for her is not just about this horrible relationship.
You are doing everything you can for her right now. Even though it might not feel like much to you, your love and strength is a wonderful gift to her.
I hope this helps, if not, as always, take what you need and leave the rest. I hope you feel better and don't forget to take care of yourself in all of this!
Hugs, Jersey
jessi said
Sep 9, 2005
Mandy,
I am sorry you have to go through this pain. I know you must be scared and feel alone but you aren't -- your Higher Power and everyone here are right here for you. It's okay to feel your feelings. I think you are handling this with a great deal of compassion and perspective.
Your friend has an HP too. She is in good hands between her HP and people like you.
Love and hugs,
Jessi
Dolphin123 said
Sep 9, 2005
((((((((((((Roomies))))))))))))))),
Thanks to those who have replied to my post, it has helped more than you could ever know.
The release of emotion was what I needed last night, and probably again later today. If I need to release I know where to come.
I was supposed to facilitate a class today, but that has changed. Now I can go see my friend at the hospital on my lunch break. I wanted to go see her today, but the visitng hours in the metal health unit are strict here so I was not going to be able to go see her if I was in my class. As much as I love to facilitate, I am extremely grateful that I can go see her instead.
Another grateful I have is that my supervisor has been told a few details as to what is going on with my friend by the director, so he is understanding and letting the three of us who are close to this girl take a longer lunch to go visit her. He doesn't have to do that, but I work with an extremely compassionate supervisor who understands that our co-worker needs support and also the fact that his staff needs to be able to give that support, is a truly wonderful thing.
Thank you all for being here. I am so grateful to have a place to come.
((((((((((Roomies)))))))))))),
This has been a short week at work, but it has been a long week at the same time.
On Tuesday I found out that a co-worker of mine slept with another co-worker's biyrfriend. Last night the girl who was cheated on tried to kill herself. I found out that this is the third time in less than 3 weeks that she has tried to end her life.
I don't understand. She is such a beautiful person, inside and out. She is funny, intellegent, and just wonderful. And has been sucked into a DV relationship.
And I am so angry, angry because I can not do anything for her. She has been hospitalized for an unknow period of time. I went and saw her today, and it hurts so much to see her like this. I held her and told her that I loved her, but God I want to fix this, it hurts so much, and I am not even the one who has been wronged.
I am a very loyal friend, and heaven help the person who hurts a friend. This guy who she is with was at the hospital, and I wanted to hurt him, but I just ignored him.
I know I cannot fix this, I know this! But my codependent is running wild right now. My mind is racing. Yet I know I cannot fix this.
The reality is that this is not my problem. This is not my issue. I can be a good and supportive friend, and that is it. I can hold her if she needs a shoulder to cry on. I can listen to her. I can tell her that I love her, and I know this is enough even though it doesn't feel like it. It feels like nothing.
Yet I know that love is the most powerful gift you can give. And I have very few friends outside of alanon that I can say that I love, actually 5 that I can think of.
This is new to me, I have never had to face something like this. My "A" is here, but as active as he is he can not be the support that I need, thank you, because I know I have you all to lean on! I need that now! As I am bawling, struggling because I know I cannot fix this, but I am not accepting it right now, so there is why I am struggling.
Thank you all for being here!
Much Love,
((((((((((((((((((((((Dolphin))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm sorry your going through this. Being there as a friend is all you can do it is up to her.
Take care of yourself and feel the feelings you have. Best to get them out not keep them inside.
Your Friend NIKKILOU
((((((((((((Roomies))))))))))))))),
Thanks to those who have replied to my post, it has helped more than you could ever know.
The release of emotion was what I needed last night, and probably again later today. If I need to release I know where to come.
I was supposed to facilitate a class today, but that has changed. Now I can go see my friend at the hospital on my lunch break. I wanted to go see her today, but the visitng hours in the metal health unit are strict here so I was not going to be able to go see her if I was in my class. As much as I love to facilitate, I am extremely grateful that I can go see her instead.
Another grateful I have is that my supervisor has been told a few details as to what is going on with my friend by the director, so he is understanding and letting the three of us who are close to this girl take a longer lunch to go visit her. He doesn't have to do that, but I work with an extremely compassionate supervisor who understands that our co-worker needs support and also the fact that his staff needs to be able to give that support, is a truly wonderful thing.
Thank you all for being here. I am so grateful to have a place to come.
Much Love,