hey all,  called my sponser this am and she said that  she could see the  hate/anger too,  but THIS time i was in control of it...(read my post about my attacking brother).   i thought about that and i realized...  ....after ALL i went through,   i may *never*  completely get rid of the hate/anger for some people in that family.....but i learned THIS as well!!!   i can manage it!!  i can *control*  it....it does NOT control me!!!!   when i pray to my HP,  i realize that not ALL my  shortcommings/ or character undesireables are "magically" going to go away,   but i can  manage them!!!  least case scenario i can *manage*  them....like i know now that *progress* is a very very important word and it removes the  thought that i have to  *get it all right*  otherwise the sky is falling in on  me   my sponser asked me  "how do you feel  now that you wrote the letter?"   and i said  "great!!! i had some crap i had to get off my chest....i said it....*now*  i can turn over to my hp...and its done"    but thinking about that,  i realize that i *did* have something stuff to say to this man whom,  yes, i confess,  i  *loathe*......   i want to thank those of you who responsed to my post.....and also tell you all that i learned something in this..... and its sobering....i may never  ever  get rid of *all*  the hate/anger,  but  i am *grateful*  than i can  *now*  manage it!!!!    my lesson learned???  management may be the best i can expect with some issues.....i went through so much,  suffered  more indignity/ humiliation/abuse  than any human being should....i am *grateful*  i am comming out of it as good as i am.....   thank you,  done ,   rosie