we've been married almost 2 years.my A told me last night he does not know what he wants.he wants keep me and laso he wants more pussy at the same time. how can i accept this? he has been sober 4 years. but being in a new country he got new problem which is much worse than alcohol. i love him and he said he loves me .. make sense? i do not know how to work on myself can fix our marriage i just am too tired. i wanna leave. then he is happy to enjoy his new wonderful .....life. i doubt even if i had a surgery i do not need anaesthetic cuz i get hurt too much to know what pain it is. i blaim myself and hate myself and laugh at myself. what's wrong with my brain to make my marriage so horrible. what am i going to do? where will i live? how to tell my kid? how to tell my parents and other family members? will they forgive me? will they make fun of me? how my workmates react when they know i divorce again? i was packing alone tonight and missing my mom so badly. i hope someone is beside me and give me a hug i need help please. i can not talk to my friends ,i dare not tell my parents .....i am afraid they get hurt and they are not so healty. i keep telling myself. mary u have to be strong ..u have a kid..she needs you. you will be fine since you see the sunrise next morning. am i going to be ok?

Sorry to hear about all your pain - remember, though - even though he of course blames you for everything, you don't need to beat yourself up for HIS behaviour. You are a worthwhile person, there is nothing wrong with refusing to accept the unacceptable. His behaviour is his - don't take the blame for things that are not your fault.

Looked at answers, they are right, and have been there. Alanon is worldwide, ask on here, you will find a f2f meeting, or, friends who will support you. When enough is enough, when the pain so bad, you have to save yourself. You are worth more than this. Lots of love, thinking of you, Flora xxx

hi thanks for supporting and help. i feel better now.i need calm down and rearrange my life.the bad thing is my thoughts are getting weird and weird. i wanna run instead of manage, i prefer irresponsible like my A so much easier.that's the only thing he effects me alot. so anyway my brain does not work well i did not sleep well last night. i go take a nap ..thanks again

Hugs to you...and I hope you are feeling much much better.  It doesn't matter what others think about your leaving your A--you must take care of you and your child.  I am certain that those who love you, want what is best for you and your child.  We all have made mistakes. 

Perhaps, you could find a women's shelter to go to who take women and children in and help you get back on your feet.  Do not do anything that you know is not right for YOU.  YOU are most important.  Remember that you didn't cause his problem nor can you control it.  Keep coming back here and posting.  Love and blessings, Annie

thanks Annie. tonight i had dinner with my A.i am sure that i still love him. i could not help crying when i see him i do not know why. i am addict with him!!! i feel very very sad and upset. i can read his love on me is gone.i am kinda too pushy and crazy.man does not like that. the more space he gives to me the more suspicious i have.so we keep doing the circle.maybe i am new here and not doing the step works and i do not have the higher power tell me what i should do?i still do not know if i did a right thing even i got the divorce certificate.i hate that!i hate that!

Am I to understand your husband is also a sex addict? Oh dear, so much pain you must feel. I wish you strength and serenity. You are a worthy person and his addiction is not your fault. You can only control your own reactions and make your own decisions based on what you and HP tell you. I wish you future happiness as I do for all of us who are now suffering with an active addict.