I don't know what to do, I've never done this online thing so forgive me if this is inappropriate. I met my boyfriend at AA three years ago, him with 7 years of sobriety. He was the last person I would have ever thought would drink again. The nature of the beast. On a cruise in 01/05 he started again and has not stopped since. At first it was controlled and now eight months later our lives are completely out of control and I am despite!!! I've done everything wrong. I've yelled, cried, threatened, even packed my bags last week, but here I am and he was drunk again last night. I don't want to leave, this is my home too, my life too and he is destroying it. We had plans and goals for a future. I am angry, hurt, depressed and obsessed and disgusted with his drinking behavior. Any suggestions, experience, strength and hope anyone is willing to share I welcome!!!
megan said
Sep 2, 2005
Hi newbie and welcome
Welcome to alanon.
It is for people affected by someone elses drinking.
How is what you are doing to get him to stop drinking working for you?
Here are the alanon 3 c's - we didn't cause it, we can't cure it and we can't control it.
There are alanon meetings that you should attend, similar to AA meetings.
In my local meeting are 2 AA/alanon "double winners"
Welcome to your recovey
megan
PS are you from NJ - your nick...
Jersey said
Sep 2, 2005
Thanks Megan, for responding. Obviously what I am doing IS NOT helping, or I would not be in this situation. I agree, I didn't cause it and I can't cure it, but I am apparently stuck on the "controling it" part. I guess because I so badly want things back the way they were. I'm so frustrated that I am just reacting on emotion without thinking. I have completely lost myself in this. I did attend one Alanon Meeting and it was a bust. I won't go back to that one again, but I am willing to keep trying other meetings.
I'm not from Jersey....it's my puppies name!
nmike said
Sep 2, 2005
Ditto on the 3 C's from Meagan. It's the disease taking control and we are powerless and they are powerlless. The AA Big Book says that they have to work a 12 step program and gets some help from their higher power. We need to go to Alanon f2f meetings and become more knowledgeable about alcoholism and work our program. It really isn't about right or wrong!
In support,
Nancy
nikkilou said
Sep 2, 2005
Not sure if this wil help. My A has put his sponser name and number on the frig. told me if he ever came home drunk or didn't come home to call that number. Maybe call his old sponser ask him to take him to a meeting. Or call a friend form aa to ask if he will take him to a meeting. I know we should not get involed but maybe one phone call. Some times A relates better to other A's. Well just an idea. Other wise i agree with the three c's.
Take care of your self NIKKILOU
agatha said
Sep 3, 2005
((((Jersey))))
Execellent idea nikkilou!! If my A came home drunk that would probably be one of the first things I would do. His AA buddy can't hurt and it would also be some added support for you.
Agatha
Jersey said
Sep 3, 2005
He says he isn't going back to AA and I know if I called his sponsor he would NOT be happy with me!! I did call another friend from AA last week that agreed to call and talk to him, and it seemed to have done some good...for a few days anyway. I'm at the end of my rope. I have really consentrated on the "three C's" today and it has eased my anxiety and calmed my spirit. Thanks everyone, I had never heard of them before.
megan said
Sep 3, 2005
coping was the topic at my face to face alanon meeting
an unusual topic for our group suggested by a newcomer.
So we put aside our plans to talk about step 9 and shared on coping.
One of the best tools is detachment.
One lady told of the alanon lady whose husband kept dalling out of bed (mine does too, last time i saw him he was all cut up from it). before alanon she would haul him back into bed. then he would wake up and be mad. Through her work on alanon she learned what was hers to fix and what was not. The next time he was drunk and rolled out of bed she left him there, and the, put a blanket on him. That is deatching with love.
In alanon we learn to detach from the alcoholic and his problem. His problem is his not ours. We become very sick trying to cope with the situation.
If we step back, work on ourselves and our lives and stop getting on their case, OUR lives improve.
keep coming back
megan
Jersey said
Sep 3, 2005
Thank you Megan. That was just what I needed today!!!
Hi newbie and welcome
Welcome to alanon.
It is for people affected by someone elses drinking.
How is what you are doing to get him to stop drinking working for you?
Here are the alanon 3 c's - we didn't cause it, we can't cure it and we can't control it.
There are alanon meetings that you should attend, similar to AA meetings.
In my local meeting are 2 AA/alanon "double winners"
Welcome to your recovey
megan
PS are you from NJ - your nick...
Thanks Megan, for responding. Obviously what I am doing IS NOT helping, or I would not be in this situation. I agree, I didn't cause it and I can't cure it, but I am apparently stuck on the "controling it" part. I guess because I so badly want things back the way they were. I'm so frustrated that I am just reacting on emotion without thinking. I have completely lost myself in this. I did attend one Alanon Meeting and it was a bust. I won't go back to that one again, but I am willing to keep trying other meetings.
I'm not from Jersey....it's my puppies name!
Ditto on the 3 C's from Meagan. It's the disease taking control and we are powerless and they are powerlless. The AA Big Book says that they have to work a 12 step program and gets some help from their higher power. We need to go to Alanon f2f meetings and become more knowledgeable about alcoholism and work our program. It really isn't about right or wrong!
In support,
Nancy
Not sure if this wil help. My A has put his sponser name and number on the frig. told me if he ever came home drunk or didn't come home to call that number. Maybe call his old sponser ask him to take him to a meeting. Or call a friend form aa to ask if he will take him to a meeting. I know we should not get involed but maybe one phone call. Some times A relates better to other A's. Well just an idea. Other wise i agree with the three c's.
Take care of your self NIKKILOU
((((Jersey))))
Execellent idea nikkilou!! If my A came home drunk that would probably be one of the first things I would do. His AA buddy can't hurt and it would also be some added support for you.
Agatha
He says he isn't going back to AA and I know if I called his sponsor he would NOT be happy with me!! I did call another friend from AA last week that agreed to call and talk to him, and it seemed to have done some good...for a few days anyway. I'm at the end of my rope. I have really consentrated on the "three C's" today and it has eased my anxiety and calmed my spirit. Thanks everyone, I had never heard of them before.
coping was the topic at my face to face alanon meeting
an unusual topic for our group suggested by a newcomer.
So we put aside our plans to talk about step 9 and shared on coping.
One of the best tools is detachment.
One lady told of the alanon lady whose husband kept dalling out of bed (mine does too, last time i saw him he was all cut up from it). before alanon she would haul him back into bed. then he would wake up and be mad. Through her work on alanon she learned what was hers to fix and what was not. The next time he was drunk and rolled out of bed she left him there, and the, put a blanket on him. That is deatching with love.
In alanon we learn to detach from the alcoholic and his problem. His problem is his not ours. We become very sick trying to cope with the situation.
If we step back, work on ourselves and our lives and stop getting on their case, OUR lives improve.
keep coming back
megan
Thank you Megan. That was just what I needed today!!!