I always say I don't know how you guys who live with an A can do it. I wish I could. I chose to get my A his medication. pay for it I mean, and i also got his truck registered and title in his name for him. NO strings. He was going to come out this morn and bring a ton of hay, help me fill the dumpster and take down two fences and t posts so the rock could be delivered. He called at one pm. Mom had to be taken to get a shot. I am sure she new he was coming out so faked a headache or whatever. So of course he calls asks me what i want him to do. I said nothing I can do it myself. If he had said, well I got the canopy off the truck so I will at least come out later w hen it cools down and bring some hay and get the t posts out, or just said anything about what he would do.... I hate it when he treats me like his mommy. i won't play the game> I don't have time for it. He was all whiney and sounded like he was tired and crabby. oh yea I wanted him out here. So I iced my stiff neck all day and took lotsa naps. got up when the sun went down and got the fences down, started to fill the dumpster. (I learned you can not burn in summer even if you get up early and stand there with a hose) so anyhooo A calls and asks what i want him to do. I said I want you to do what you want. His disease said a bunch of dumb things. I decided to take care of me and not listen and said goodbye. ´He kept saying he was more important than my pigs...lol I always say, hmmm well who is still here at Eden? Who is always there for me? He said are you telling me you are kicking me to the curb? blah blah. shaking head. I did not want to talk to a disease. I thought about you guys a lot. I mean they are so insane. Ya cannot talk to them or reason or share anything. He repeated everything, said things that made no sense. I would take my husband first anyday. But like i have said he died years ago. This pod person is a real drag. All I know is my life is nice. I believe the disease is trying hard to stay nice to me becuz he knows i am in a good position now financially. It felt good to do all the work myself. He asked me if I needed him. I said no. I don't. Have not needed him for a long time. There were times and will be times i want him. But if he is controlled by the disease I choose not to be around him or talk to him. I wonder if you guys get that too. How they try to be all nice and concerned when ya have some extra money or have something they want. Its true. I don't need him at all. That is what saved me. To finally have everything in my name and do everything myself or hire someone to help me. I am getting 24 yards of rock tomorrow if not more. NO more mud here. They are suppose to spread it as it comes out of the truck. Then I will cover it with fir shavings.....Lotsa work. but it will get done. Anyhow thank you for listening. I tell ya, I felt crimany, how fast the disease can get you down, i mean it was just a phone call!! I can see how come we go insane living with them. sending love and hugs, debilyn who, well, does need her animals and they never ever let her down.

He asked me if I needed him. I said no. I don't. Have not needed him for a long time. There were times and will be times i want him. I can totally relate to those feelings. I love my A terribly, but thru the years I have become very independent. I had to to survive.

 

You know what?  Yes my A does get all nicey nicey when he wants intimacy.  Afterwards it's same ol same old stuff.

Anyways, just wanted to tell you something also.  On Wed., my life tragedies became his perfect excuse to get out of trouble, the bast@%&.

He got in a crash, he was supossed to test for his P.O. and he got picked for random drug testing at his work.  Well I called him crying b/c I had to go to my sister, who is dying.  He says "I'll be right there" and proceeds to take this opportunity to use my situation to get out of his "commitments".  After waiting for three hours, I left on my own, thinking "do I really want to deal with him too?"  NO WAY so I left with my kids to see my sister.

So he got out of trouble because he worked it that way, not fair.  They do what they do to the bone.  And if it works for THEM that's all that matters

Sorry for your neck problems and for your own little pain in the neck lol

Julie D

Debilyn,

My "A" went through a seperation a few years ago, we were seperated for a year. During that time I discovered that I do not need my "A", I can live without him.
Today I choose to be with him, and I still do not need him. He knows this and so do I. I can only be with him because of alanon. It all comes down to what each of us chooses to live with, and nothing is wrong with choosing to leave or choosing to stay. Just a choice.

Good for you taking care of you and your needs. Keep it up!

Much Love,

(((((((((((((debilyn)))))))))) I loved the way you talk about the disease as if it is a seperate person than the A... I will use that the next time my A is drunk and starts to say those things that do not make sense.  I do not want to talk to the disease either.  I have wanted my husband that I married back for almost 5 years now.  I don't think he is coming back but the disease is always there.  Thanks for a new approach.

Hugs Mary