"It was painful to give up trying to control my life, even though success eluded me, and when life got too rough, I chose to ... escape.
########ROSIE....oh for me it was terrifying , to give up the "control" i thought i had, clinging on..thinking i am my ONLY "god" it was awful, KNOWING that my life was NOT working, that there HAD to be something higher than me to help me and being too scared to "cast my burdens" and align myself to my higher power.......never mind sucess...my life was one failure after another...disappointment was my constant companion....in the past it was the "short end of the stick" when life was passing out actions......when my life got too rough, i escaped....fantasizing....drugs...alcohol....sometimes all three....when things got unbearable, i "numbed out" anyway i could and i was fooled into this "illusion" that when i was doing my drugs or alcohol, things didn't seem to be so bad.....its because i was in my "high" condition, kinda releasing it whether i knew it or not, getting high caused me to just say "F$%$ it" and let it go, when i decided to face life "straight" in '92 boy did things begin to suck!!! i mean i still had the fantasizing, but it was still hell, i couldn't WAIT to get home/ isolate/ go into my "other world" cause this one was so unbearable......finally when the pain got SO bad, and i was working on my NEXT suicide attempt, i got into recovery....i DID find that its OK to be powerless its OK to relinquish control over to the universe, my world is OK, to accept that someone/thing bigger than me can help me.....and lastly it is now VERY OK to "align" myself to this higher power its OK to be in complete cooperation with this "bigger than me energy" i am NOT alone, i am NOT fighting the darkness...rather i am doing what i can...and "casting the rest" over to my HP.....doing this CLEARS the energy , releases the karma, and i can have peace....life is NOT out to get me......i was my own worst enemy, and now with the program tools i can apply to my life, things are SOOO much better.....
Accepting life on life's terms will be mastered through the humility I experience when I turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him. With my life in God's care, fear, uncertainty, and anger are no longer my response to those portions of life that I would rather not have happen to me. The pain of living through these times will be healed by the knowledge that I have received the spiritual strength to survive."
########ROSIE....awareness.....acceptance......action..... being AWARE that "this is the fats" being able to ACCEPT the facts, whether i like it or not THESE are the facts, and what can i do????? ACTION may be to take care of it/ get help/ OR DETACH and "cast the burden" to my higher power.....knowing that i am perfectly imperfect and NOT in charge of the universe, that i am good but not the "source" of all things, makes me more peaceful...relieves the stress of my used to be "having to be perfect".....i "align" myself with my higher power .....oh i still allow the feelings, and i STILL get fearful/ frustrated/ angry, yes, i feel the feelings, but THEN, i can apply the tools of the program even if my only recourse is DETACH/ release unto my "christ within" the bad times, don't last forever, neither do the good times, so i savor the good while i have it, cause i know everything here is non-permanent...so when bad happens or i am not in circumstances i am crazy about???/ i just say "nothing lasts forever" "this too shall pass" sometimes my ONLY action is to "take care of me Xtra, as i 'cast the burden' to my higher power---and WALK away---DETACH"...thank you -- done / rosie
"It was painful to give up trying to control my life, even though success eluded me, and when life got too rough, I chose to ... escape.
########ROSIE....oh for me it was terrifying , to give up the "control" i thought i had, clinging on..thinking i am my ONLY "god" it was awful, KNOWING that my life was NOT working, that there HAD to be something higher than me to help me and being too scared to "cast my burdens" and align myself to my higher power.......never mind sucess...my life was one failure after another...disappointment was my constant companion....in the past it was the "short end of the stick" when life was passing out actions......when my life got too rough, i escaped....fantasizing....drugs...alcohol....sometimes all three....when things got unbearable, i "numbed out" anyway i could and i was fooled into this "illusion" that when i was doing my drugs or alcohol, things didn't seem to be so bad.....its because i was in my "high" condition, kinda releasing it whether i knew it or not, getting high caused me to just say "F$%$ it" and let it go, when i decided to face life "straight" in '92 boy did things begin to suck!!! i mean i still had the fantasizing, but it was still hell, i couldn't WAIT to get home/ isolate/ go into my "other world" cause this one was so unbearable......finally when the pain got SO bad, and i was working on my NEXT suicide attempt, i got into recovery....i DID find that its OK to be powerless its OK to relinquish control over to the universe, my world is OK, to accept that someone/thing bigger than me can help me.....and lastly it is now VERY OK to "align" myself to this higher power its OK to be in complete cooperation with this "bigger than me energy" i am NOT alone, i am NOT fighting the darkness...rather i am doing what i can...and "casting the rest" over to my HP.....doing this CLEARS the energy , releases the karma, and i can have peace....life is NOT out to get me......i was my own worst enemy, and now with the program tools i can apply to my life, things are SOOO much better.....
Accepting life on life's terms will be mastered through the humility I experience when I turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him. With
my life in God's care, fear, uncertainty, and anger are no longer my response to those portions of life that I would rather not have happen to me. The pain of living through these times will be healed by the knowledge that I have received the spiritual strength to survive."
########ROSIE....awareness.....acceptance......action..... being AWARE that "this is the fats" being able to ACCEPT the facts, whether i like it or not THESE are the facts, and what can i do????? ACTION may be to take care of it/ get help/ OR DETACH and "cast the burden" to my higher power.....knowing that i am perfectly imperfect and NOT in charge of the universe, that i am good but not the "source" of all things, makes me more peaceful...relieves the stress of my used to be "having to be perfect".....i "align" myself with my higher power .....oh i still allow the feelings, and i STILL get fearful/ frustrated/ angry, yes, i feel the feelings, but THEN, i can apply the tools of the program even if my only recourse is DETACH/ release unto my "christ within" the bad times, don't last forever, neither do the good times, so i savor the good while i have it, cause i know everything here is non-permanent...so when bad happens or i am not in circumstances i am crazy about???/ i just say "nothing lasts forever" "this too shall pass" sometimes my ONLY action is to "take care of me Xtra, as i 'cast the burden' to my higher power---and WALK away---DETACH"...thank you -- done / rosie