Last night my "A" came to me and told me he wanted to contact his connection. I was so heart broken. I lost it, my emtions kicked in and no matter what I could not let my alanon kick in. Pain, anger, and disapointment were in the driver's seat, and they are reckless drivers. I lost my temper, and also tried to reason with him, all the things I know that don't work.
We had such a great weekend, and with my alanon in the driver's seat I realize that him using does not take away the beauty of the weekend, but shatters my expectations. And it is not his fault that I have expectations. they are not his, they do not belong to him. i own them, I I am resonsible for the pain that having them causes, because I allow them to.
I am not saying that he is innocent, but I am in charge of me. Just like I can not control him, he is not responsible for my emotions. His actions don't have to affect me as strongly as I let them last night.
Today is a new day. I can start over. And that is such a lovely thought. To let go what happened last night, and worry about only today. That is all I can do, and that is a great thing. I am going to apologize for losing my temper and tell him that my being upset is ok, but how I choose to react to him, that was not ok last night. I need to react clamly and come from a loving place, not the anger and pain. I say things I do not mean when I go there.
Just for today I will treat my "A" with the love and respect he deserves, Just For today I will do something to take care of me, Just for today, that is all I need to worry about.
Much Love,
nikkilou said
Aug 30, 2005
dolpihn,
Don't beat your self up over it. We all forget sometimes emotions take over we are human. Today is another day. God gave us a great thing TIME we have to use it the way he wants us to. Have a great day
NIKKILOU
confused said
Aug 30, 2005
Dolphin,
Your attitude about the way you acted last night is something I can certainly relate to. However what you did with that reaction and emotion after is something I can only dream of. I hope that one say I will be able to detach and deal with things the way in which your program obviously helps you to. You are an inspiration. :)
Thanks
marmare said
Aug 30, 2005
It's okay, we all slip back into old behaviors sometimes. Remember you are only human. Ya know, I work at a treatment center and one of the counselors said the coolest thing he learned years ago is that you can start your day over whenever you want. If you have a crudey morning, make an effort to just start over at noon. It's fun! It's good to remember we are only in charge of us. Hang in there! You're doing great!
Hugs Mary
sg said
Aug 31, 2005
Dolphin123 wrote:
Just for today I will treat my "A" with the love and respect he deserves, Just For today I will do something to take care of me, Just for today, that is all I need to worry about.
Much Love,
What a wonderful "goal" for the day! And yes, we have many "do overs"...it is all a learning process.
gardengal said
Aug 31, 2005
I concur with everyone who responded,,we are human we make mistakes, we error,,,and we need not beat ourselves up for it. We learn constantly from our mistakes. The most important thing I have learned in alanon that my well being cannot depend upon whether or not the A is drinking or not. His behaviour is not a relection of me, its a reflection of his disease. However "my" behaviour is a reflection of me ,, and I owe it to myself to pay attention to what it has to tell me. I have to take care of myself. I have to accept that alcoholism is a disease which can be arrested but not cured. No matter whether the A in my life is drunk or sober,,the time to put energy into my own recovery is ,,,,,"right now".......gardengal
sg said
Aug 31, 2005
You know, this actually is a good reminder for me, being that I accept that I (and others in Alanon) do make mistakes, recognize and try to correct them. I need to remember that my A. will also make mistakes. It is all part of his recovery too. Sometimes I place expectations of "perfection" on him. I need to remember that we are all human and if we are willing to better ourselvesit makes it much more manageable.
rosie light shines said
Aug 31, 2005
"Today is a new day. I can start over. And that is such a lovely thought. To let go what happened last night, and worry about only today"
isn't it wonderful when we can see that we ARE perfectly imperfect??? in my "BR" days (b4 recovery) days i wold have berated myself, told myself i was a total F$%$up and the works.....NOW i just say "ok, i goofed, what did i learn???" and its time to "begin again" that is why the program says ODAT.........yep, i am not tryin to be perfect without mistakes ANYmore.....thank you 12 steps..............peace/ rosie
Roomies,
Last night my "A" came to me and told me he wanted to contact his connection. I was so heart broken. I lost it, my emtions kicked in and no matter what I could not let my alanon kick in. Pain, anger, and disapointment were in the driver's seat, and they are reckless drivers. I lost my temper, and also tried to reason with him, all the things I know that don't work.
We had such a great weekend, and with my alanon in the driver's seat I realize that him using does not take away the beauty of the weekend, but shatters my expectations. And it is not his fault that I have expectations. they are not his, they do not belong to him. i own them, I I am resonsible for the pain that having them causes, because I allow them to.
I am not saying that he is innocent, but I am in charge of me. Just like I can not control him, he is not responsible for my emotions. His actions don't have to affect me as strongly as I let them last night.
Today is a new day. I can start over. And that is such a lovely thought. To let go what happened last night, and worry about only today. That is all I can do, and that is a great thing. I am going to apologize for losing my temper and tell him that my being upset is ok, but how I choose to react to him, that was not ok last night. I need to react clamly and come from a loving place, not the anger and pain. I say things I do not mean when I go there.
Just for today I will treat my "A" with the love and respect he deserves, Just For today I will do something to take care of me, Just for today, that is all I need to worry about.
Much Love,
dolpihn,
Don't beat your self up over it. We all forget sometimes emotions take over we are human. Today is another day. God gave us a great thing TIME we have to use it the way he wants us to. Have a great day
NIKKILOU
It's okay, we all slip back into old behaviors sometimes. Remember you are only human. Ya know, I work at a treatment center and one of the counselors said the coolest thing he learned years ago is that you can start your day over whenever you want. If you have a crudey morning, make an effort to just start over at noon. It's fun! It's good to remember we are only in charge of us. Hang in there! You're doing great!
Hugs Mary
"Today is a new day. I can start over. And that is such a lovely thought. To let go what happened last night, and worry about only today"
isn't it wonderful when we can see that we ARE perfectly imperfect??? in my "BR" days (b4 recovery) days i wold have berated myself, told myself i was a total F$%$up and the works.....NOW i just say "ok, i goofed, what did i learn???" and its time to "begin again" that is why the program says ODAT.........yep, i am not tryin to be perfect without mistakes ANYmore.....thank you 12 steps..............peace/ rosie