(One Day at a Time) ...."If I remember the kind person I want to be, I won't forget myself and yield to an angry surge of temper.....quiet always sets the stage for calm." Anger is a scarey thing for me. I know what I am capable of. Growing up w/an angry mother, I absorbed a lot of her unhealthiness. Years ago I had an episode of anger that resulted in me putting my fist thru a glass gun cabinet, being taken to the hospital and having a scar on my hand that reminds me daily of what can happen if I allow the anger to get the best of me. My anger stems from me stuffing my feelings and not dealing w/them when situations arise. I am grateful for my HP's help for me to be able to see where my anger stems from. Soooooooo w/that being said I decided that today I am going to deal with my emotions/feelings as they arise in a healthy and timely manner, address what needs to be addressed w/out being short tempered and accusitory. Here's how it went.....:O) Last night we had an incident where I felt disappointed at a lack of intimacy from my A. It bothered me but I didn't say anything. Just went to sleep. Woke up this morning w/a feeling of distance from him. Knowing that I was ignoring my feelings and wanting to run, hide and bury what I was feeling I decided to trust my HP, my Program and myself to honestly sit down and talk w/him. I asked him to come w/me. I told him that I am not angry, not accusing. I don't want apologies, I don't want it fixed. How I am trying to deal w/feelings as they arise so that they don't result in anger down the road (he was subject to that last Monday night). I explained what happened and how I felt. Suprisingly he listened! He just sat there and listened. He agreed w/what I was saying on my perception of the situation that I was talking about and said that he will try to work on it. I felt validated. I felt heard. I honestly could let it go. :O) Apparently my HP wanted me to try this new approach again! lol I picked up my son from his dad's house and he told me something his step mother said to him regarding the situation in our home. I could feel the anger starting to swell because it was said in confidence (which, btw, was another good lesson today..that I will not vent to anyone outside the Program anymore). I found some time away from my son, said a silent prayer and called her on the phone. I was very calm. I explained that I did not appreciate her telling my son what was told and that I expect from now on that he not be brought into adult situations. That I would like them to focus their attention on their home, and allow me and my husband to deal w/issues in our home. She tried to give me an excuse that he was upset and she was trying to let him know what was going on. I took a deep breath and said I understand but she is in no position to fix anything. She is there to listen and let him vent. We ended the phone call okay. No one yelled, I spoke my mind, set my boundaries and feel okay with it.

 

Wow!  That is quite an accomplishment and give yourself a pat on the back for taking care of business without anger.  I too have a problem with stuffing anger and it leads me to depression and regret.  Thank you for sharing and giving me inspiration.

Julie D.