Thank you Wallsal for admitting to searching. I talk a with a big Al Anon voice on the subject of searching, but I haven't convinced myself I wouldn't do it again. And your "reasoning" is "reasonable" as it can be. I like to know what I am having to deal with at all times. The TRUTH, which I know I am not going to get from my A when he's drinking (He's been sober a year now.) While AlAnon teaches me I must detach, I have never been able to do that. Maybe it takes longer than I have been with an A. (About three years.) Of course none of us are perfect, but when I hear others talk about successfully and completely detaching, I am amazed as I have never been able to do it. But what you say makes perfect sense to me; reality has to be better and easier to detach from. Again, thanks. Your words have made my day. Very best wishes, Diva