Well, I don't know what to think or what to do. I have been married to him less than a year and I find out more and more things that upset me and scare me. He is secretive. I have found bills that are in his name that are not being paid. Generally we keep our finances seperately. We have a joint checking account that we fund 50/50 to cover the household expenses. These include rent, utilities, telephone, food, etc. There is never much of a balance remaining in the account because its only purpose is to pay the joint bills. I make sure that every bill I know about is paid and I know about all the bills that are in my name. He signed up for cable TV. I just found bills hidden all over the house demanding payment. He hasn't been paying those bills. The bill is in his name. He had signed up for water delivery at his apartment. When we moved to this rental house he didn't take the water cooler with him. He said that the water supplier would pick it up and that his contract with them had expired. I just found bills from them showing that they have been deducting money from his deposit all of these months. I'm wondering what will happen when his deposit is used up and he doesn't have the cooler to return. All of this is very upsetting to me.
I've tried talking to him about money and bills. Whenever I have brought up the topic he becomes defensive. He will blame me. He will storm off and refuse to discuss it. He will tell me lies. He will tell me that he handled it. It doesn't matter how I broach the subject, he will simply not cooperate.
He has also done things to harm me. He did something that got me in trouble with my licensing board. It was by pure luck that I had kept proof that I was innocent. When I confronted him about his actions he refused to accept responsibility for his actions. He told me that nothing bad had happened to me. He told me that I was blowing it out of proportion. I cannot trust him.
We own a business together. I am terrified he is buying things I might not know about or that we have bills he is hiding that I don't know about. I am terrified he is going to try to harm me through this business.
I told him that I thought we should put the business up for sale in December. He said that we should also get divorced in December. I told him I was agreeable to that. Two hours later he came crying to me and told me he loved me too much and he would never divorce me. If he loved me so much, why is he doing these things?
I'm wondering if I should try buying him out and then put the store up for sale and take whatever losses I incur. I can't handle the store on my own. But, it will probably take at least a year to sell. I'm not sure what I should do. I should probably seek the advice of an attorney.
Does anyone else have to deal with this kind of stuff? How can you detach from a situation that is causing you harm?
Tammy said
Aug 27, 2005
I havent had that experience so really dont have any advise but this.. Talk to an attorney. prepare for the worse, hope for the best. Protect yourself..
God Bless, Tammy
browneyes said
Aug 27, 2005
Hi Ditto
I am very sorry you are feeling this way, not nice at all for him in his disease to be behaving this way.
My mother always tells me "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PROTECT YOURSELF" by going to a lawyer and having everything separate, even being "legally separated" if you have to.
If the things that he does get him in trouble they wil get you in trouble also. And if something goes wrong, you will be left to pick up the pieces!! I think this is true for the most part....
I think you already know what to do for YOU, take care of yourself FIRST. You sound like a very hard-working and responsible person and won't let yourself go down if you can help it.
Good luck to you and I pray things go well!
Julie D.
wallsal55 said
Aug 27, 2005
Ditto, to everyting browneyes said. Getting as many things in your name as possible, your own cash flow, savings, so you have a roof over your head, etc. Also, praying about finances always helped me. The next right thing seemed to come up or happen. Sounds odd, but I do not think my HP wanted me on the street. For that, I am grateful.
mom to 2 said
Aug 27, 2005
Ditto,
I went to see a lawyer to "protect" myself. I ended up getting more scared about things.
Don't get me wrong--I'm not saying not to see a lawyer. In my state everything is included as marital assets, regardless of whose name is on the lease, deed, etc. Debts are included--but if you can prove that he incurred debt without your knowledge then you are not responsible for such debt---but it will be deducted from his half of the marital assets. Now, remember that's in my state of NJ. In NJ there is no such thing as legal separation---so I filed divorce in June but papers are still not filed through the court and husband has not been served. And I have the worry about a crazy, lenient judge granting him some sort of custody---he doesn't have a lawyer and I'm afraid a lawyer will make things worse. I have put the divorce on the back burner due to fear and now I'm worried I made a mistake because he is drinking again and has no job and is out of money.
It's a sucky situation. I have yet to determine my best course of action. I hope you find yours.
Well, I don't know what to think or what to do. I have been married to him less than a year and I find out more and more things that upset me and scare me. He is secretive. I have found bills that are in his name that are not being paid. Generally we keep our finances seperately. We have a joint checking account that we fund 50/50 to cover the household expenses. These include rent, utilities, telephone, food, etc. There is never much of a balance remaining in the account because its only purpose is to pay the joint bills. I make sure that every bill I know about is paid and I know about all the bills that are in my name. He signed up for cable TV. I just found bills hidden all over the house demanding payment. He hasn't been paying those bills. The bill is in his name. He had signed up for water delivery at his apartment. When we moved to this rental house he didn't take the water cooler with him. He said that the water supplier would pick it up and that his contract with them had expired. I just found bills from them showing that they have been deducting money from his deposit all of these months. I'm wondering what will happen when his deposit is used up and he doesn't have the cooler to return. All of this is very upsetting to me.
I've tried talking to him about money and bills. Whenever I have brought up the topic he becomes defensive. He will blame me. He will storm off and refuse to discuss it. He will tell me lies. He will tell me that he handled it. It doesn't matter how I broach the subject, he will simply not cooperate.
He has also done things to harm me. He did something that got me in trouble with my licensing board. It was by pure luck that I had kept proof that I was innocent. When I confronted him about his actions he refused to accept responsibility for his actions. He told me that nothing bad had happened to me. He told me that I was blowing it out of proportion. I cannot trust him.
We own a business together. I am terrified he is buying things I might not know about or that we have bills he is hiding that I don't know about. I am terrified he is going to try to harm me through this business.
I told him that I thought we should put the business up for sale in December. He said that we should also get divorced in December. I told him I was agreeable to that. Two hours later he came crying to me and told me he loved me too much and he would never divorce me. If he loved me so much, why is he doing these things?
I'm wondering if I should try buying him out and then put the store up for sale and take whatever losses I incur. I can't handle the store on my own. But, it will probably take at least a year to sell. I'm not sure what I should do. I should probably seek the advice of an attorney.
Does anyone else have to deal with this kind of stuff? How can you detach from a situation that is causing you harm?
Hi Ditto
I am very sorry you are feeling this way, not nice at all for him in his disease to be behaving this way.
My mother always tells me "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PROTECT YOURSELF" by going to a lawyer and having everything separate, even being "legally separated" if you have to.
If the things that he does get him in trouble they wil get you in trouble also. And if something goes wrong, you will be left to pick up the pieces!! I think this is true for the most part....
I think you already know what to do for YOU, take care of yourself FIRST. You sound like a very hard-working and responsible person and won't let yourself go down if you can help it.
Good luck to you and I pray things go well!
Julie D.
Ditto,
I went to see a lawyer to "protect" myself. I ended up getting more scared about things.
Don't get me wrong--I'm not saying not to see a lawyer. In my state everything is included as marital assets, regardless of whose name is on the lease, deed, etc. Debts are included--but if you can prove that he incurred debt without your knowledge then you are not responsible for such debt---but it will be deducted from his half of the marital assets. Now, remember that's in my state of NJ. In NJ there is no such thing as legal separation---so I filed divorce in June but papers are still not filed through the court and husband has not been served. And I have the worry about a crazy, lenient judge granting him some sort of custody---he doesn't have a lawyer and I'm afraid a lawyer will make things worse. I have put the divorce on the back burner due to fear and now I'm worried I made a mistake because he is drinking again and has no job and is out of money.
It's a sucky situation. I have yet to determine my best course of action. I hope you find yours.
mom to 2