that my babies are growing up.  In ten days I will bring my oldest child to college.  A week after that my youngest will be starting kindergarten.  As the days dwindle I ask myself what happened to the last 18 years.  I remember all the things that my oldest has witnessed - the fights, crying, rages and so on.  I am sad realizing that she had to experience those things.  Although I am sad about it - I am not beating myself up.  I realize that I was sick as a result of this disease and did the best that I could do in the scope of my illness.  I see how this disease has affected each of my children, as they all have some isms of growing up in an alcoholic home. 

Breaking the cycle of this disease was difficult for my husband and I.  However, we are doing it in our respective recovery programs.  Things are far from perfect - but then again who's life is.  During this bittersweet time of my babies flying from the nest in search of bigger and better things for their own lives - there is HOPE.  I have hope for each of my children that they will never know the heartbreak of this disease any longer.  I know that I can not shelter them - they must live their lives - make their choices - even make their mistakes.  And today I can be the kind of mother that I have always wanted to be as a result of the tools of this program.  I have learned that I can mother my children without smothering them.  I can feel happy for my children moving on in their own directions, I can also feel sad about it.  The point is that I can feel.

This program has given me so very much.  One of the best things is a better relationship with my children.  Also the gift of my children seeing me with recovery.  I truly am blessed and thank HP as often as I can.   And even though my heart is heavy I have hope for each day.  My greatest hope for my children is to spread their wings and soar on the gentlest breezes of life.  And if those winds should change - I will be there for them to share my experience, strength and hope.

((((((((((Karen)))))))),

My oldest starts school for the first time in a few days. , Yes it is bittersweet.

Way to go, I really enjoyed reading your post. You are truly working a good program.

Also a good reminder to cherish our children while they are young.

I hope that my children will benifit from being around the alanon program, and hopefully AA.

I know I am a beeter mom because of alanon.

Much Love,

awwwwwwww karen...what a nice post! First one I read this morning and what a nice way to start the day. Our kids are priceless. I look at my 3 children and I thank God everyday that they are in my life. My oldest is 14 and I swear has the most level head on her shoulder. She reminds me often of the Principles which always amazes me. For never going to a meeting I wonder how in the world she knows this stuff. My sponsor says that she just picked up the alanon leftovers from mom working her program! lol

I dont think your kids will remember what being in a alcoholic home was. Most thing they will remember is that you fought against it and are helping yourself fight the disease. Not everyone finds recovery, my parents didnt my dad is still messed up and my kids see it. I think i would of had much more respect from them had they had the courage to help themselves deal with thier issues instead of living the life they did. But that was thiers not mine. From living in an alcoholic home i can help other teens feel good about themselves even though thier parents drink. I can help them not feel so alone, thats a pretty good thing in my eyes if you ask me and wouldnt be albe to do it if i did not live in that environment. Is a strong passion of mine to help kids be ok so they dont have to go into adulthood fighting against themselves. Give yourself some credit you are a good mom.

 

((((hugs))))))

 

 

Hi Alamom

My baby just started Kindergarten on Monday and I thought my heart would break because I missed him so much.  But I also think about the wonderful time he is having and it makes me smile.  My children are growing up so fast and it reminds me that soon enough they will not need me as much.  But I am happy for them and am grateful that I get to watch them grow and flourish with the clarity of my Alanon eyes instead of eyes full of anger, resentment, and helplessness that comes with living with an active addict.  Being calm and loving is so much better than impatient and tired.  And for this I am eternally grateful to Alanon.  I am happy to say that I can love them so much better this way.

Thanks Alamom, you are great!

Love Julie D.

My Young Son
by Dan Valentine

Dear World,

My young son starts to school today...It's going to be sort of strange
and new to him for awhile, and I wish you would sort of treat him
gently.

You see, up to now he's been king of the roost...He's been boss of the
backyard...His mother has always been near to soothe his wounds and
repair his feelings.

But now things are going to be different.

This morning he's going to walk down the front steps, wave his hand, and
start out on the great adventure...It is an adventure that might take
him across continents, across oceans...It's an adventure that will
probably include wars and tragedy and sorrow...To live his life in the
world he will have to live in, will require faith and love and courage.

So, World, I wish you would sort of look after him...Take him by the
hand and teach him things he will have to know.

But do it gently, if you can.

He will have to learn, I know, that all men are not just, that all men
are not true.

But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero...that for
every crooked politician there is a great and dedicated leader...Teach
him that for every enemy, there is a friend.

Steer him away from envy, if you can...and teach him the secret of quiet
laughter.

In school, World, teach him it is far more honorable to fail than to
cheat...Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone says
they are wrong...Teach him to be gentle with gentle people and tough
with tough people.

Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone is
getting on the bandwagon...Teach him to listen to all men--but teach him
also to filter all he hears on a screen of truth and take just the good
that siphons through.

Teach him, if you can, how to laugh when he's sad...Teach him there is
no shame in tears...Teach him there can be glory in failure and despair
in success.

Treat him gently, World, if you can, but don't coddle him... Because
only the test of fire makes fine steel...Let him have the courage to be
impatient...Let him have the patience to be brave.

Let him be no man's man...Teach him always to have sublime faith in
himself.  Because then he will always have sublime faith in mankind.

This is quite an order, World, but see what you can do...He's such a
nice little fellow, my son!

(((((Karen)))))

Not sure if your kindergartner is a boy or a girl, but you can substitute male/female.  I loved this when my little boys had to leave their little kingdom (our home) and how I cried and cried as soon as the bus pulled out of my driveway with their little faces looking out the window.

Feel free to call me, my dear, if you are struggling on that day and would like to talk to a Mom who understands.

Maria :)

((((((Maria)))))))

What a beautiful poem.  Just what I needed to hear.  I can apply it to both of my children whom are embarking on their own independences. 

Karen