My A. comes home tomorrow night after working out of town. I'm not afraid of him drinking (if he does, he does)...here's what I am afraid of. It took so much courage inside of me to go thru what I have the past week. To put my foot down and take care of myself. One of the reasons I left this past weekend after giving him that letter was because I knew if I was in town, let alone in the same house, that I would go running back to him-dismissing all. I've done this before, I know it is a reality for me. So here I am, a day before he comes home. I'm afraid that all it will take is a few loving words, a night of intimacy that I crave so bad to let my guard down and be right back where I was before, only to possibly face this again in the future. I am not at the point where I can take that risk. I keep thinking of the newly sober person who just doesn't feel comfortable around certain situations involving alcohol.....I'm no different other than it isn't alcohol that I can't be around right now. I just feel that us being "close" will cloud our recoveries. The ball is already rolling, in what direction I have no idea, and I don't want to screw it up. He's asking me not to run away this weekend. To be here. Part of me wants to be able to be here, yet part of me wants to be away so I don't have to deal w/anything but my recovery. Does this make any sense?

It totally makes sence to me. (which may or may not be a good thing ) HA!  Recovery is risky at the best of times , people don't like the changes we make but it's important that we stick to our decissions and be consistant with recovery.  I was reminded by a very smart lady many yrs ago to not miss the good days.   When i worried so much about what was to come I missed alot of good days.

If you love this man, work your program and save enough of yourself for yourself, and you will be okay. When making decissions take a look at your motives , are u trying to teach him a lesson? make him pay for past behavior?only u know the answer to these questions.

I don't' like feeling vulnerable but occasionally it's necessary for me to take a risk and grow.Letting someone know my real feelings was foriegn to me I always said what i thought u wanted to hear not what I was feeling.

By practicing the Al- Anon program it is possible to live and be happy with someone who is still drinking detach with love and as it says in the books  Bloom where your planted.!!! If your not ready to leave it , get happy right where you are.  good luck   enjoy your time with your husb and keep your expectations low.   Louise

Wow, Louise's advice was so great.

I just realized that I punish my husband for past behavior because I am afraid of appearing too vulnerable.

He is very loving when he is around.  But I can't get over the fact that he hadn't been around much for the last 5 months.

I just realized that I don't want him to think I love him too much for fear he will leave again.

If they drink they will drink regardless of whether we love them or not.  It has nothing to do with us.

My husband said that to me once---I said "how can you keep doing this to us?" and he said "I'm not doing it to you, I'm doing it to me."  Profound wisdom from an addict.

Can you try to enjoy this sober weekend and not worry about tomorrow?? 

I'm going to try to take my own advice and not worry about the future.

mom to 2

Hi,

One of the things I have learned in the last year has been, once you have unlearned certain behaviors and learned new ones...they are there.  There may be slips back to the old ways but you always come back around and on top.

Stay strong, work on you.  Hugs Mary