i have learned something about my experience. When i learned to detach it took many' times for me to get it. same with really knowing it is a disease. It was one thing knowing but it took practice and really using the skills to get it into my heart and it becam part of me. now i am learning not to love my A anymore. It is taking a long time. I want to know what makes him not show me any love or attention. I see him married to his mother. sick. he has never been married to me since he relapsed. but i see me going to see him, calling him, giving him my other new phone, and even thinking about getting him a car when i get my money. AM I NUTS?? tonight i asked him what made him not love me. Of course he said my animals. It wasn't leaving the cloths hung out over night, or leaving the water on for hours when i forgot. said none of that bothered him. I did not add animals or start rescue until he relapsed. i went on with my life. And he said he hated it. WEll my attention was no longer ' on him. So anyway, tonight I got a few steps close to letting go of my feelings.i know he is not getting a car from me, and he is not going to move into my rental either. so i see my experience as steps like we learn. I told him it is not being an addict that makes him ignore me. there are lots of addicts that do not ignore their loved ones Maybe they wish they did.... so i am going to put my puffy eyes to bed. love yous, debilyn

(((((((((((debilyn))))))))))),

I really don't know what to say. I just wanted you to know that We all are here for ya, and wanted to give ya a big ole' hug.

Much Love,

(((((((((((((((Debilyn))))))))))))  When I read your post I kept wondering if his not loving you due to the animals was the disease talking. How serious should we take what an active user has to say anyway? And why do we think we need some kind of explanation when alot of the time they don't even know much themselves except where their next fix is coming from? Just thinking out loud. I see your a using the animals as just a selfish excuse from a selfish disease. Time to look forward to that new grandbaby :) So many things in our lives are out of our control. And when it comes to alcoholism/drug addiction with a loved one that really hits hard for us. When we have so much love to give, how can it not be accepted? That is when I let my love show at other places and with other people. You do that so much here too Debilyn and with your friends and animals.

I am so glad you are posting so I feel like I can keep in touch with you. I recently had a major meltdown but am not ready to post about things yet. This situation with my mom/dad has really hit my heart and soul hard. Then there is the other stressers now. I am hanging in and struggling now too. Hang in and enjoy! Your friend in recovery, cdb :)

-- Edited by cdb at 04:50, 2005-08-24

(((debilyn))) no, you aren't nuts. The disease has taken its toll on us too. Your HP is working in your life because you are able to see things a bit more clearly. It's hard letting go of not only a person that we love, but a dream of a life that we no longer have. Want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

debilyn, i know how it feels to be "left out-- back burner"   my mother AND my X husband and my LONG term X b.f.  put the booze FIRST--- my X  b.f. was the only one to treat me sweet,  however he HAD to have his liquor , at night,  no  matter what....with an addictive personality, the mate / child NEVER comes in first.......so i put ME first with ME....i give me the emotional /physical nurturing i need...i look withIN for my needs being met......sad, but thats the facts....unless i find another relationship that is addiction free,  i'll do the same ole thing  "come in 2nd"  and i deserve MORE than that....NEXT time ,  i am priority or forget it.......peace rosie

(((((Debilyn))))))

I just want you to know that I think that you are a wonderful person, so loving and caring!!!  I get so much from your posts and replys and I am greatful that you are on this board!!!

Any way I tried to post and it wouldn't work and I cna't remember what I wrote but at the end I was thinking about "LOVE"

In the closing statment the part that says even though you might not realise it we love you in a very special way.  Well.... this got me thinking that our A's even though they are so neglectful and don't show that they love us that just maybe they do love us in that special way that we don't know just as we love them and at times only God knows why we do love them but we do.

Any way take care of yourself!!  Thinking of you!

Luv YA!!!

JJ

I feel your pain debilyn, and you are most definitely not 'nuts'.  You are a very strong, loving person and I will always be grateful to have you as my friend. 

Your strength and clarity of purpose has helped me so many times in the past.  We are survivors debilyn.  We have to make it whether the alcoholic makes it or not.  And sadly sometimes that means we have to struggle on alone.  But we are not entirely alone, we have our friends.  It's hard.  It's very hard.  You and I love our men, and we will always love them, but sometimes we have to let go.  Admit we are powerless. 

You are a very special lady debilyn.  And don't you ever forget that.  Your strength and humour has helped me time and time again.  And I am privileged to know you. 

I send my very special love to you.    Sheila