I'm dealing w/a lot of anger the past few days-which has surpised me. I've worked the Program for so long, lived w/active alcoholism w/out anger. I have taken care, I thought, of myself the best way I could...and now that my A. wants to sober up I find myself angry. It is like this dam has been open and I am angry at all me and the kids have had to go thru for the past few years and I find myself expressing to him. Last night he asked me..."where did that strong alanon woman go that I married?" and it really ticked me off. I'm still that strong woman. I still work my Program. I felt it a slam to me. I reacted, which I know wasn't good. I wished I would have handled it better. He's only two days dry (that I know of) and has decided that me leaving him is the "catastrophe" that he needed. By all accounts you would think that I would be happy-but I'm not. I feel like I have all this pent up emotions that are coming out all caddywacked. Being w/someone in the early stages of recovery is new to me. Is anger normal from my end? I have been trying to find information on the early stages of families in recovery. Anyone have any information they can give or a direction they can point me in? Anyone have any suggestions for me?

Hi (((sq)))

Have you read Chapter 9 in The AA Big Book "The Family Afterward"?  Not sure if it is exactly what you need, but it has some very good suggestions and information about dealing with the sobering A.

As to your anger, is it normal?  Sure it is!

"It is like this dam has been open and I am angry at all me and the kids have had to go thru for the past few years........"

Notice your own choice of words, using the analogy of a dam.  It sounds to me like you have never fully dealt with your anger in a way that would relieve you of it.  I know I myself was so good at stuffing anger.  Now let me say this, I had a lot of anger towards my A, enough to express some with plenty left over to stuff away for my future use.  A sort of unwanted savings account if you will.

As with a dam, we need to figure out a way to open those flood gates and drain our anger off in a controlled manner, so we don't flood out everything downstream!  But we do have to open those gates, so the hole thing doesnt become overloaded and a catastophic collapse result.

Hope this helps some, and Keep Working It! 

Yours in Recovery,

David

Hi sq!

Anger is so normal in this situation.  But if you want some literature ask you librarian/literature rep for the Al-Anon pamphlet # P-49 entitled "Living with Sobriety: Another Beginning"  And as always Keep Coming Back!

 

Hmmm....no I don't have a copy of the AA big book, but my A does and I'm gonna try to take a peek at it this weekend when he is home. You are right, David, I don't believe that I ever really did deal w/the anger and disappointment w/the several instances over the years where alcohol has been involved. My A. does not communicate whats-so-ever and I learned over time not to even bother trying to talk to him about what was bothering me. In fact, he actually loved that I go to Alanon because, in his words, he knows I can live w/the drinking. :sigh: After careful thought this morning after reading your response to me, I do believe you are right. All that stuff was just crammed down deep inside of me and now is just pouring out. I made a few phone calls this morning, one to my sponsor and one to a family friend who has been in recovery for 20+ years and both told me that it is normal and to remember that I am human. I don't like that side of me. I'm not an angry person typically. Takes a whole lot for me to get upset...which looking back over yesterday's events made me realize just how tramatic this is in my life. Thank you both for your replies. Today my goal is to deal w/my anger in a constructive way.