Hi, I am new to this. and scared to start. I guess i realize that I have a tremendous amount of work in front of me and the task is overwhelming. I have been coming to this site a lot lately, reading the posts, listnening, chatting etc. It brings me a bit of peace in the midst of the chaos. I suppose up until now I just wanted to blame my A for all the mess, but I realize only I can control my only feelings etc. I know I am rambling but that is just how I am lately. Cannot get a handle on any of it. Anyway, I am scared, lonely, angry all of it and just wanted to say thanks for the moments, sometimes hours of peace just being able to come to this site has given me.

((((((((((((Confused))))))))))))),

Welcome you are in the right place!

When I read your share it took me back to my first meeting. This is what I heard at my very first meeting from the chairperson:

"We welcome you to the 'Friday Night Port Orchard Alanon Family Group' and hope that you will find in this fellowship the help and friendship we have been privileged to enjoy."

"We who lived, or who have lived, with the problem of alcoholism understand as perhaps few others can. We,too, were lonely and frustrated, but in Alanon we discover that no situation is really hopeless and that it is possible for us to find contentment and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not."

"We urge you to try our porgram. It has helped many of us find solutions that lead to serinity. So much depends on our own attitudes, and as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and ou lives."

"The family situation is bound to improve as we apply the Alanon ideas. Without such spiritual help, living with an alcoholicis too much for most of us. Our thinking becoems distorted by trying to force solutions, and we beocme irritable and unreasonable without knowing it."

It goes on from there. I remember being in so much pain that first meeting. But after I shared I felt a weight had been lifted. I cried and cried. I also carefully listened to the Experience, Strength, and Hope that was shared with me from the other people there that night.

I have been in the program for 5 years now (just realized I had an alanon birthday ) and I have learned so much. What really helped me in the beginning was the three "C's". 1) I didn't Cause his drinking, 2) I can't control his drinking, 3) I can't cure his drinking. I also learned to take things a day at a time. And if I felt overwhelmed, i'd break it down into hours, even minutes if I needed it.

Keep coming back. This program works. We are all living miracles that show how this program works.

Much Love,

(((Confused)))

I am happy to have seen you in MIP room, an interactive site has really helped me talk things out with others and learn new things all the time.

I understand and remember those overwhelming feelings but just take it a step at a time, a minute at a time, a second at a time if you need.  This sounds kind of flip :) but it is not meant to be.  When I was frustrated at my progress, my sponsor said to me "Maria, it took God 6 days to create the world, what makes you think you can do better?"  I needed that trout slap.

"The journey of 1,000 miles starts with but a single step."  You don't have to walk the 1,000 miles all at once.

Keep coming, glad to have you,

Maria123

hi confused, The best thing about this program is the slogans and simple stuff. First, "Keep things simple." Wake up take a breath, take a minute at a time. If bad things come into your head, say "stop" and put in, I will be ok today. This is my experience. We learn to do one thing at a time. Do little things at a time. For me, i mean for days, i said the serenity prayer over and over and over and really thought about it, put my life into it. I seriously learned to take one day at a time. It took me a long time to really make it my lifestyle, but it made a difference right from the beginning. Learned to do what i could each day rearranging my life, but also making sure I rested. By the time most of us get here, we are very sick. So listening to your needs, is very important. I think al anon teaches us how to live. It is a way we probably wish we had lived from birth! When ya surrender, let go of that anxiety and pain in your gut, take the deep breaths and trust your hp, life is so much easier. All the worrying and anxiety is not doing any good anyhow. I learned to do the footwork and relaxed to see what the outcome would be. I trust my hp to help me with the outcome. So when I first came here, I did not think about the work at all. I read," Getting Them Sober," and it changed my life. I came here and spent a lot of time in the room, and at the meetings here online. I never used the message board. Now I love it. i didn't really know about it before. It is ok to allow yourself to "get it" as you mature in alanon. There is no pushing no hurry. No one has a time table. I know we want the help so bad, but slow is good. When I surrendered i went to my deck and looked at the mountains. I breathed out a huge breath and let it go. I relaxed and thought about what surrender is, a giving in, an allowing something greater than myself to take over. I love it, I live it. I mean about everything, every decision, every hassel, I take a breath and know what ever happens I can deal with it. I was almost homeless, when i finally said, well if I am supposed to lose my farm I will. IF I have to live in the woods in a tent, I do. I was already living in a room in my barn. Now a few years later, i am living on my farm doing better than I ever have in my life. I had to go on disability, go thru some loss but whatever. I am still here. I just got my SSD so I will be ok financially too. But things still happen, hard stuff, but I give it to my hp, the creator. I know that overwhelming horrible pain. Rarely feel it anymore. I trust my hp with every thing. someone stole my dog. I needed that boy, Fergus. HE was my Basset hound i raised and he got me thru my moms breast cancer and death, my husbands brain surgery and hoorible relapse. Well when I came home and he was gone, I was a horrible mess. I walked up to 7 miles a day for weeks. put adds in papers, pictures in papers fliers, everything someone could do I did it. i was told i Had the most well known lost dog in the valley. I cried and walked and walked door to door. then one day it hit me .surrender, hp will either allow you to have him back, or he will get you thru this pain, someday you will be ok about it. Been over a year now. someone gave me a basset pup when they saw my adds for months. I have gotten a lot better, Tavish my little guy has been such a great bandaid on my heart. hp does help us. He must have wanted me to have my house, my income has been horrible, yet here i am and things are great! Well I hope i see ya hear a lot. take a breath and keep it simple. keep everything in your life simple as you can. Love,debilyn

Hi,

I am sort of new at this as well. I also find peace in this website. Whenever I am think about the A in my life I come here and find support.

It hurts alot to have a loved one be an A. I get so many mixed emotions that it drives me crazy.

If you ever need to talk I am here.

Much love-

Meg

I have learned that confusion can be a friend.....  It typically means that we are searching and with searching comes gained knowledge and wisdom of the truth, our real emotions and the opportunity to face them.  The healing that comes from experiencing our feelings and facing all of our fears with realization of having to resolve these inner conflicts will offer such a huge sense of accomplishment that we become empowered to turn our lives around.  :)

It ALL starts with fear---   because we begin to face things that were buried deep within us.  Hang in there and give all to God to help you through. 

Take Care!

 

Dear Confused,

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results each time. 

One thing I can promise you is after you've given this program a fair 6 months chance online, face to face meetings and you find you don't like it.  Your misery will be fully refunded. 

Allow yourself this choice, this option.  I agree completely with you that it certainly would have been wonderful if all our problems were cured the moment the A stopped drinking. 

Glad to have you with us, keep learning, keep listening, keep posting and know that you are always in control of your own choices. 

Peggy 7