Let yourself have a good gripe session. From: " Woman, Sex, and Addiction" -- Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D.
Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it's not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really working a good program, we wouldn't need to complain.
######ROSIE.....oh i did that on a ROUTINE basis when i first got into recovery....i needed sympathy i needed validation, and when needed i STILL have a good "bitch session" i call it "discharging feelings" so i CAN think straight.....yeah, sometimes i feel like i am adicted to the griping about my life
What does that mean? We won't have feelings? We won't feel overwhelmed? We won't need to blow off steam or work through some not so pleasant, not so perfect, and not so pretty parts of life?
######ROSIE.....oh i do have feelings, AS i "thaw them out" i see more feelings...and i feel overwhelmed too, like the faucet is stuck on "ON" position.....i notice when i am blowing off steam if it is too big for the current provocation, i know it is OLD anger, and i go beat the chair and give the perp a good "butt kicking" yeah, i let my feelings fly now ...no more stuffing them....
We can let ourselves get our feelings out, take risks, and be vulnerable with others. We don't have to be all put together, all the time. That sounds more like codependency than recovery.
#####ROSIE......i discharge the feelings so i can get a better persepctive as to "whats goin on"....and yep, first i was afraid to be vulnerable, now i take the "plunge" and because it is only honest and its good for me...i get surprisingly good results with it...i mean when you TELL someone "hey you hurt my feelings here, lets talk!!" they just kind of "want to help you"....and no i am NOT all put together....i am a recovering coda, and i have my "good hair days" and my "Bad hair days" "what you see , now, is what you GET"
Getting it all out doesn't mean we need to be victims. It doesn't mean we need to revel in our misery, finding status in our martyrdom. It doesn't mean we won't go on to set boundaries. It doesn't mean we won't take care of ourselves.
#####ROSIE.....no i want to DISCHARGE the feelings so i CAN think whats the best way to take care of me...i don't WANT to be a martyr, i want to take positive ACTION...take care of ME...what steps do i need to do to reach that end...being victim is NOT for me...not any more, past??? yes, NOW??? NO......i set boundaries now as needed and i TAKE CARE OF ME....i am all i have, so i better.....
Sometimes, getting it all out is an essential part of taking care of ourselves. We reach a point of surrender so we can move forward.
######ROSIE....yes, i notice when i "feel the feelings" discharge all the emotion, i CAN , if i have to, give it up....let it go
Self-disclosure does not mean only quietly reporting our feelings. It means we occasionally take the risk to share our human side-the side with fears, sadness, hurt, rage, unreasonable anger, weariness, or lack of faith.
####ROSIE.....oh yeah, these new ones, scared me at first, but now i let it all hang out AS NEEDED....and sometimes it is explosive sometimes it is a steady trickle for a while, but i dont hide ANYthing what i feel.....ok, of COURSE if i am in a bus full of strangers, and i want to do a "primal scream" for SURE i am not gonna scare everyone on the bus....but i WILL make a deal with my inner child like "ok you want to do a 'godzilla' and we can't NOW, but hold on, soon as we can, we are gonna 'let er rip' ok???" that usually placates my IC and i DO keep "our appointment" for raging/ hollaring etc....
We can let our humanity show. In the process, we give others permission to be human too. "Together" people have their not so together moments. Sometimes, falling apart -- getting it all out -- is how we get put back together.
#####ROSIE....yep, i am together in my perfectly IMperfect status.....
Today, I will let it all out if I need a release.
####ROSIE...oh yeah, it is like needing the restroom....i may have to "hold it for a bit" but not for long...soon as i can, i am RELEASING IT>>>>>>>>>thanks , rosie
Dev said
Aug 20, 2005
Ok, super newbie here. I've been reading thru several posts and boards. Just who do you let it all out to? I feel like if I talk to anyone about stuff, they'll just think I'm a whiner. His drinking has left us basically friendless. If we do anything at all, its just going out to dinner every 3 months. We have NO social life at all. We have no friends or anywhere to go to just "hang out" and have fun. I used to go out one night a week. That was girls night out. When he moved in with me, I quit going out as not to risk his wanting to go out drinking. The only people I talk to now are the clients I see while I'm at work. My life has plummeted on a downward spirial and at this point I'm wondering if I'll ever see the light of day again. My days and nights are filled with nothing but negativity and anger. And even when I don't mean to, I find myself directing that anger at everyone that crosses my path. Of course I feel like crap after I do. I've reached the point where I hate the world. Where do I go from here? I'm constantly running on empty and pretty soon I won't even have the fumes left to run on.
rosie light shines said
Aug 20, 2005
hey dev..welcome newbie
for me when i was new...i got rid of ALL toxic relationships and swore off men until i could get into a loving relationship with me....well i have been here 18 months now in recovery and i'll tell ya, even though i am not where i want to be, i am GRATEFUL i am not where i USED to be.....i went to 90 meets in 90 days...in here, everywhere i could find....i shared on group...got a sponser...worked the literature, not just reading it but journalling on it...i gave this program hell for the first 3 months, and i STILL work it in SOME way 2 hours. per day MINIMUM.......i am finding the more you give it/you the more it gives BACK.......DO keep sharing come here and "let er rip" we are listening ok???? you got a start comming here.....you are WORTH it and you are NOT alone....peace/ rosie
jemco518 said
Aug 23, 2005
Hi Dev
Welcome to a new and safe world. Where do you let it out??? First place I felt safe to let it out was in the rooms of Al-Anon. The people in these rooms "get it" No matter what I share or talk about someone is nodding their head or people are laughing(with me) as they remember there own stories. Rosie is right about journalling...I can't seem to do it myself but know many who do and swear by it.
Another place to let it all out is in talking(praying) to the God of your understanding. Your HP will listen and if asked will likely give you answers to the questions you have.
And of course there is always here on the message boards or in the online meetings. Try one or try them all they all work differently for different people...find the one that makes you feel the best and jump in!
Getting It All Out
Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it's not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really working a good program, we wouldn't need to complain.
######ROSIE.....oh i did that on a ROUTINE basis when i first got into recovery....i needed sympathy i needed validation, and when needed i STILL have a good "bitch session" i call it "discharging feelings" so i CAN think straight.....yeah, sometimes i feel like i am adicted to the griping about my life
What does that mean? We won't have feelings? We won't feel overwhelmed? We won't need to blow off steam or work through some not so pleasant, not so perfect, and not so pretty parts of life?
######ROSIE.....oh i do have feelings, AS i "thaw them out" i see more feelings...and i feel overwhelmed too, like the faucet is stuck on "ON" position.....i notice when i am blowing off steam if it is too big for the current provocation, i know it is OLD anger, and i go beat the chair and give the perp a good "butt kicking" yeah, i let my feelings fly now ...no more stuffing them....
We can let ourselves get our feelings out, take risks, and be vulnerable with others. We don't have to be all put together, all the time. That sounds more like codependency than recovery.
#####ROSIE......i discharge the feelings so i can get a better persepctive as to "whats goin on"....and yep, first i was afraid to be vulnerable, now i take the "plunge" and because it is only honest and its good for me...i get surprisingly good results with it...i mean when you TELL someone "hey you hurt my feelings here, lets talk!!" they just kind of "want to help you"....and no i am NOT all put together....i am a recovering coda, and i have my "good hair days" and my "Bad hair days" "what you see , now, is what you GET"
Getting it all out doesn't mean we need to be victims. It doesn't mean we need to revel in our misery, finding status in our martyrdom. It doesn't mean we won't go on to set boundaries. It doesn't mean we won't take care of ourselves.
#####ROSIE.....no i want to DISCHARGE the feelings so i CAN think whats the best way to take care of me...i don't WANT to be a martyr, i want to take positive ACTION...take care of ME...what steps do i need to do to reach that end...being victim is NOT for me...not any more, past??? yes, NOW??? NO......i set boundaries now as needed and i TAKE CARE OF ME....i am all i have, so i better.....
Sometimes, getting it all out is an essential part of taking care of ourselves. We reach a point of surrender so we can move forward.
######ROSIE....yes, i notice when i "feel the feelings" discharge all the emotion, i CAN , if i have to, give it up....let it go
Self-disclosure does not mean only quietly reporting our feelings. It means we occasionally take the risk to share our human side-the side with fears, sadness, hurt, rage, unreasonable anger, weariness, or lack of faith.
####ROSIE.....oh yeah, these new ones, scared me at first, but now i let it all hang out AS NEEDED....and sometimes it is explosive sometimes it is a steady trickle for a while, but i dont hide ANYthing what i feel.....ok, of COURSE if i am in a bus full of strangers, and i want to do a "primal scream" for SURE i am not gonna scare everyone on the bus....but i WILL make a deal with my inner child like "ok you want to do a 'godzilla' and we can't NOW, but hold on, soon as we can, we are gonna 'let er rip' ok???" that usually placates my IC and i DO keep "our appointment" for raging/ hollaring etc....
We can let our humanity show. In the process, we give others permission to be human too. "Together" people have their not so together moments. Sometimes, falling apart -- getting it all out -- is how we get put back together.
#####ROSIE....yep, i am together in my perfectly IMperfect status.....
Today, I will let it all out if I need a release.
####ROSIE...oh yeah, it is like needing the restroom....i may have to "hold it for a bit" but not for long...soon as i can, i am RELEASING IT>>>>>>>>>thanks , rosie
hey dev..welcome newbie
for me when i was new...i got rid of ALL toxic relationships and swore off men until i could get into a loving relationship with me....well i have been here 18 months now in recovery and i'll tell ya, even though i am not where i want to be, i am GRATEFUL i am not where i USED to be.....i went to 90 meets in 90 days...in here, everywhere i could find....i shared on group...got a sponser...worked the literature, not just reading it but journalling on it...i gave this program hell for the first 3 months, and i STILL work it in SOME way 2 hours. per day MINIMUM.......i am finding the more you give it/you the more it gives BACK.......DO keep sharing come here and "let er rip" we are listening ok???? you got a start comming here.....you are WORTH it and you are NOT alone....peace/ rosie
Hi Dev
Welcome to a new and safe world. Where do you let it out??? First place I felt safe to let it out was in the rooms of Al-Anon. The people in these rooms "get it" No matter what I share or talk about someone is nodding their head or people are laughing(with me) as they remember there own stories. Rosie is right about journalling...I can't seem to do it myself but know many who do and swear by it.
Another place to let it all out is in talking(praying) to the God of your understanding. Your HP will listen and if asked will likely give you answers to the questions you have.
And of course there is always here on the message boards or in the online meetings. Try one or try them all they all work differently for different people...find the one that makes you feel the best and jump in!
Keep coming back!