Hi Everyone,

I had a little thing happen to me Friday that was one of those lightning strike moments for me that I would like to share with you.

On Thursday, I had reason to call a tech support person within the company whom I work for in regards to a problem with a printer.  This person and I have known each other for about 5 years now, and have a very friendly relationship.  When I spoke with him Thursday, however, he was very short and agitated, actually rude to me.  Not his usual self at all.  Well I have learned enough from you folks to know that it wasnt about me at all, and I understood that he was just in the middle of something where he was and that was why he acted like he did.  At the time, I just brushed it off, told him I was sorry to have bothered him and went on with my day.  Didnt give it another thought.

On Friday, he called me back and sincerely apologized for the way he had behaved the day before.  I started to do what I always do when people try to ask forgiveness from me or pay me a compliment and just brush it off.  Make excuses for him why he acted the way he did.

But Al-Anon kicked in!!!!  I caught myself, and just said to him, "I accept your apology".

We chatted a few more minutes, about work stuff and before we hung up, he told me "Thank you so much for accepting my apology, I feel so much better now".

I really got it!  His apology was not just for me it was for him too!!!  He got free of the bad feelings he had because of his actions.  And this incredible feeling of warmth flowed over me. 

What a moment I would have missed had I not just shut up and said "I accept".  We both got free of ugliness, and I know it was a moment of growth in our relationship and has brought us even closer together as friends.  We turned a potential source of future resentment into a positive moment of healing and growth.

We need to remember to honor the giver.  When someone pays us a compliment, just smile and say thank you.  When someone offers to give us a gift of themself, lets not spoil it by not accepting. 

Thank you all for helping me to get to this place I am today.  

I started out this post saying "a little thing happened to me".  I think it wasnt so little afterall.

And thank you for reading.

Yours in Recovery,

David

David

Thank You so much for the share and turning this into a post.

This is something I needed to read and will learn from.

Tea2

 

Elvis,

Thanks so much for the post, this is something I struggle with as well.

I will try and just stop my stinkin thinkin and accept what has been given to me.

Much Love,

david62:

Isn't it GREAT when that happens?   The more I come through my recovery of codependency, the more that all becomes natural.  I've noticed recently that when people have compliments to offer that instead of going into great depth, I just thank them and I know it is sincere---  I also have done the same as you at work the last 4 years, as I have been completely conscious of my reaction to people at work and in doing so, the exact same thing happens as what happened to you-- they call back and apologize.  However, at times you WILL come across people who do not and even if you were nice, they continue to try and disturb your peace--- I have learned that it is THESE people that one has to be particularly careful with..  because there are MUCH deeper things going on inside of them.  ANYONE who cannot feel something after one apologizes to them, even if it is just to be grateful to have heard from that person and move on is definitely someone who is NOT in recovery or even concerned about anyone other than themselves.   :)  The BEST part about what happened to you is that it really does happen more than we are aware if we don't react and it gets better-- happens more and more frequently.  You can be certain when it does that those people are people who truly respect others individuality and have done some self analysis.

Take Care!

 

-- Edited by sanddie at 15:29, 2005-08-14

David,

What a wonderful, inspirational post.  I so agree with you.  Now I love compliments and can easily smile and say thank you.  And amends, I feel really horrible when I have hurt someone and feel so relieved when they accept my apology.  I think relationships blossom with those two tools.

Thanks for reminding me, ;) Maria

Thank you for that post, David. A nice remeinder that alanon tools help us in all parts of our lives, not just the relationship with the A.

David,

Awesome, thanks for sharing that great reminder.

 

Peggy7