What do you do when your A is about to get into a car and drive? I know you can't give advice, but what do you guys do? I offer to take him where he needs to go or pick something up for him. I don't know what the right thing to do is, but I couldn't live with myself if he killed someone if I could in any way prevent it. Also, he's had dui's in the past and they're very expensive and can potentially keep him from jobs that would be important to both of us. I don't know. I can let him do what he likes and disassociate myself otherwise, but this one thing seems an impossible thing to me.

-- Edited by FoggyMac at 12:02, 2005-08-14

nce I called the police and sheriff, told them the direction he went, truck license number, description etc. only two ways out of this tiny town to the next little one they did not bother with it. I have given it to hp. I know he will drive anytime he chooses. i cannot control it. He keeps his keys on his person. I have disabled his truck before. But ya gotta be careful they do not catch you. I sure relate, mine, the day I told youa bout above? ran over a small car in front of him adn took off. He has a huge pick up. so hit and run. the truck is in the previous owners name.. what a mess that must be. Sadly we cannot control everything. If I can I will make sure he cannot drive. but he will just go get his mommies car. Like I said, I give him totally to hp. It is not my job, but if I can safely avoid his being able to drive, you bet I will do it.....love,debilyn

 

Hi

Jeez I wish I had an answer for you.  This topic came up for me and I can tell you what I did.  I called my husband's parole officer and let him know.  But he really didn't do anything except warn him to "be good".  What a joke!!! 

Also, My husband's boss knows when he is high driving the big rig and still lets him do it.  Short of calling the police on him while he is at work  and them having to find him wherevever he is at I don't know what else to do.

But I don't drive with him anymore and neither do my children. 

It just sucks that an innocent person may be killed because of a drunk driver!!!!!!!

I am at a loss, except for doing what you can to prevent him from getting behind the wheel or calling the police.

But only you can make that decision for your family.

I totally understand your situation, hang in there, and glad you are here.

Love Julie D.

Hello,

I just let my "A" go, sometimes I really have to bite my tongue, but I have to let him go.

I offer to drive him or go get whatever he is wanting, with the acception of more alcohol or drugs. If he really wants more alcohol he can stumble over to the store not to far from here. He usually lets me drive him, but sometimes he doesn't. So I pray for him, and the others around him.

I refuse to let him drive me when he is under the influence. And he is not allowed to drive our children around either when he has been drinking/using.

You asked me what I do, I "Let go and Let God".

I hope this helps you.

Much Love,

Coming from a parent of a teenager who is adamant about her choice to live with her alcoholic father whom I along with counselors, doctors of various specialties and school staff members say is going to be detrimental to her emotional, psychological and physical health I would say LET HIM GO and then just pray.  :)

The consequence of his action is EXACTLY that-- His consequence, God controlled, not our control.  I made a choice to let my daughter go to her father who tells her she doesn't need her seizure medication, encourages her behavior to hate me and all the doctors that have stabilized her over the past 5 years, is encouraging her to avoid counselors or ANY other type of support for herself, including Alateen-- Instead, she has chosen to experiment on drinking and perhaps it will progress.  I spent $20,000 this past 45 days for her to be involved in an extensive, awesome state-of-the-art treatment facility, yet she chose the entire time to stay focused on her Dad, instead of her recovery.  She got out of the facility, came home to me and the next evening the police were here.  The next evening after that we were in a counseling session and even the counselor said, you are going to have to let her go, as much as she didn't want to say that either. My daughter has recently been diagnosed with Bi-Polar now with no increase in her medication for the seizures, which could help that condition as well now-- She refused.  Also, she has had suicidal ideation in the past due to her fathers neglect and lack of involvement in her life or previous medical/mental health care.   If ANYONE should try to hold onto someone it should be me-- she is my daughter and for a long time my responsibility.  However, there comes a point that even a child MUST be held accountable for their actions and ultimately we have to let go and allow our children to discover their relationship with God.  Learn their own lessons, whatever it may be that God wants them to learn. 

My daughter has been gone for a week now and each day I just pray that God protects her, guides her and most of all keeps her safe.  He knows my heart and my pain....   AND, that is what is MOST important.  We are NOT responsible for the foolish choices that others make---- Let them go as difficult as it may be. 

Take Care-- my prayers are with you.  :)

-- Edited by sanddie at 14:54, 2005-08-14

You say she's been gone for a week, does this mean that you don't know where she is? How old is she? I am so sorry for what you must be going through, I know I can't even imagine. Good thoughts sent your way.

If you take a look back a few weeks, there is another thread on just this topic. I think we have different opinions on this, and each one of us needs to make up our own mind about what to do.

Hello! I too am new to Alanon and I found peace with myself with the help of my higher power and all these wonderful people on this site who help you find answers and take you through their own experiences.

I have learned that you cannot change a person, they can only change themselves.  You have to take care of yourself!  You are in a tough spot, I've been there.  My boyfriend of 2 years is a police officer, who is an alcoholic, who drives drunk.  I sense your frustration!  I cannot tell him what to do, I ask him before he goes out for a binge if he would call me to pick him up, or have one of his friends drive him home.  It's useless and senseless to try to reason with a drunk, you are only going to frustrate and upset yourself!

Speak with your higher power, stay in touch with your shoulders to lean on with this group here.  It doesn't hurt to voice your concerns, let them be heard.  You are not responsible for another person.  Don't ever feel guilty or ashamed for something they did.  Remember it is not a reflection on you!  Say your prayers, if you can't make it to Alanon meetings in person, join online here, even if you just read what others are saying.  Go to the library and find literature on Alanon.  Believe me, you are ready to help yourself by taking action and seeking advice. 

I wish you the best and hope you find peace.