Hello all,

I am sitting here replying to more posts than I ever have. My "A" has pur car and is not answering his cell. It could be nothing, or it could mean no good. The last time I talked to him he said don't worrh honey I am not doing anything stupid, hmmmmmmmmm funny I wasn't even thinking he was until he said it.

Tonight is supposed to be our date night, we have dinner together at home after our little ones go to bed. It is almost 9:00pm and have not heard from him. It is so hard, because I know that I am not first in his life right now. I am not even on the top ten.

I am here so I will try not to think about him, but think about me, and maybe help a few people in the process.

I know I will get through this I have faith in my HP and faith in me. I am strong and I have my program and I have all of you. And because of all that I am much better off than he is becauce right now he only has himself, and I know how lonely that is!

Much Love,

You sound good, I can feel your serenity. Even with disappointment I see you using your alanon skills. I hope you will keep busy, don't act like you waited for him. I would not call anymore. He has made his choice. So maybe you might like to have backup things for you when this happens. I know you wanted to be with him. But as time goes on, as they get sicker and sicker, the less place we have in their hearts. This is when we start to really take cre of us and teach ourselve to love other things to do. hugs and i hope you are ok and go ahead and vent some more. I spent so much time here when A first left. I was embarrassed but it kept me alive. Love,debilyn

I know how u feel Mandy & I have been there -- I had and "A" boyfriend, I was so overtaken - by looking out of the window every 3 or 5 minutes & waiting for his return.  Every 3 wekks, maybe 4, he would disappear alltogether until 5 am or 7am or 9 or sometimes 10:30 am....     I had lost my serenity in the program at that time (that was, 18-19 years ago) alanin today, with this Board & the growth of everyone, the love is just amazing & you are not alone!!!!

 

If I had gone to a meeting even once a month, the year I lived with that first "A" ~ so long ago!  I admit, I am old now, I knew about alanon 20 yrs ago and I have slipped for 19 years.  I am grateful that I am here today. Today I can see an addict in pain, clearly and not make excuses for them.  I actually thought my ex husband was manic!    ok, A is an A is an A!!!!     ai guess I was really in love with him... but somewhere loving turns to the killing.  I had to leave him, I know everyone is different, everyone doesn't get to the point where they "have to leave".  

Only I know I did.

What can I say, from studying people & zen over the years...  nature never ceases to amaze & fascinate me.  I love everyone & everything, I am hopeless!  Detachment is foreign & will I ever learn?

 

Enjoy yourself - let loose, open up & experience new things! (or old) I am trying to find myself.