Cunning and baffling as this disease is, the reality of relapse at any time hit home yesterday. After 22 months clean my addict relapsed into oblivion.

Today was his departed father's birthday. So he had gone to the cemetery to pay respects .... at least that is what I was told. He left the house at 7AM. I got a phone call at **8 PM** with his sob story of how he was drunk and that the car broke down. And he was stuck at a closed gas station waiting for roadside asssitance. 

I was angry , no furious, my blood was boiling with rage. I knew already from my years in the program what I had to do. Get to a meeting, network, talk it out, pray & meditate. The hardest part was consoling my 2 daughters. Making them face the reality of this life long disease and conveying to them that his actions were not their fault.

After several hours had past, and I did what I needed to, to keep my sanity the addict came home. Guessing it was probably 1 or 2 AM. He undressed and slipped into bed. I guess we were both staring at the ceiling in silence. Finally he said he was sorry for all the pain he had caused and finally confessed to what was really going on. No he had not been drinking he went back to his old drug of choice... crack. And no this was not the first relapse. He hasn't been clean since 9/11. Using spoadically , trying to keep it under control.

For me this was the hardest part. How could I be so blind not to see him using again? I did suspect something about a month ago but my own guilt over judging his program got in the way.

It is weird but there is now this sense of calmness, serenity, peace. Ok he messed up and has flaws, but I can accept them. I don't have to condone them. We all have have our own unique individual flaws and we are accepted in spite of them so why should the addict be any different?

Is this the whole truth? I have no idea and using my tools of detachment I really don't care when and how with whom or how much he used. I am just grateful he is home to start another day with a fresh clean slate. Prya for us all.

love & God Bless

lildee

I am speechless. I know that this must be very hard for you . I can not imagine what you are having to deal with. I am new in the program but not to the disease of alcoholism. It really helps those of us who are new to the program see how the veteran Al-anon members handle difficult situations like the one you are handling now. I truely admire your courage. I will pray for you and your family. Be strong. !! God Bless Tammy

I am so sorry you are hurt.  Hang in there work your program.  Know that there are a lot of people that care about you.  Hugs Mary

((((((((((((((((lildee))))))))))))))))))),

My "A" did something similar, but his drug of choice is pot, and when he can't find that he reaches for the meth.

You really are an inspiration to those who read your post. You are telling others how this program really works. Thank you for sharing with us how to work a program.

You will be in my prayers, your girls, and your "A".

Much Love,

 

Hi Dee

I am so grateful for your share.  It sounds like we go through the same things.  When my addict (meth) relapsed this last time I completely lost it.  I became totally depressed and devastated and just forgot all about how to deal with life in a healthy way.

I admire how you handled it.  You are very strong, so be proud of yourself for realizing that tomorrow is another day...

love Julie D.