I am really struggling with having any hope for them.
I cannot go there, for hoping for them, is a slip for me. I cannot think about them at all - I have done this for 20 years, I MUST think of myself.
Having hope for myself is a foreign & a new concept. I am trying to grasp that I am worthy, once again (& again) I am at the beginning of it all for me. I suppose feeling suicidal for so long, my mind is very very sick. But I don't hate myself today, I guess honestly I haven't hated myself since I tried to OD in March, I am slowly getting stronger.
I have to forgive myself still, but it feels like I am just over the hump of resenting myself. I am surrendering to the process, I know I am powerless that is evident, of course I want to be saved from myself. Surely my hugest character defect is the reckless abandon of myself.
I truly need to make a list of my character strengths & Blessings. I focus on my weaknesses too much. Today I need to validate & recognize what is wonderful about me. Today I do have a tiny glimmer of hope for me!
Thanks for allowing me to share, I'm grateful for the courage to share, I am noticing miracles in me & I am grateful to be a witness to the truth. Growth hurts so much - like my mother always said, "you choose, will it be pain of growth or pain of decay" she is a wise woman.
megan said
Aug 12, 2005
Oh Kitty I as so pleased for you that you are getting stronger
Growth hurts so much - like my mother always said, "you choose, will it be pain of growth or pain of decay" she is a wise woman
Oh this saying is a keeper and I needed to hear it today
I cannot go there, for hoping for them, is a slip for me. I cannot think about them at all - I have done this for 20 years, I MUST think of myself.
Having hope for myself is a foreign & a new concept. I am trying to grasp that I am worthy, once again (& again) I am at the beginning of it all for me. I suppose feeling suicidal for so long, my mind is very very sick. But I don't hate myself today, I guess honestly I haven't hated myself since I tried to OD in March, I am slowly getting stronger.
I have to forgive myself still, but it feels like I am just over the hump of resenting myself. I am surrendering to the process, I know I am powerless that is evident, of course I want to be saved from myself. Surely my hugest character defect is the reckless abandon of myself.
I truly need to make a list of my character strengths & Blessings. I focus on my weaknesses too much. Today I need to validate & recognize what is wonderful about me. Today I do have a tiny glimmer of hope for me!
Thanks for allowing me to share, I'm grateful for the courage to share, I am noticing miracles in me & I am grateful to be a witness to the truth. Growth hurts so much - like my mother always said, "you choose, will it be pain of growth or pain of decay" she is a wise woman.
Oh Kitty I as so pleased for you that you are getting stronger
Growth hurts so much - like my mother always said, "you choose, will it be pain of growth or pain of decay" she is a wise woman
Oh this saying is a keeper and I needed to hear it today