You need it. I need it.They need it. Whoever THEY are. Love brings us to it like a moth to a flame. So, I've been hurt. You've been hurt. They've been hurt. Do not be mean. Don't treat someone in a way you wouldn't want to be treated. Come on now really, would you change for someone who's bad mouthing you? Maybe you would. I would not. I'd feel more like kicking that person in the teeth. Love covers a multitude of sins. It can short circuit a viscious downward cycle. It can make someone want to be better for the Love. I don't have all that love in me. If you do more power to you. MY HP has that Love He is that Love and He can direct me to Love. He can show me HOW. He can open my heart. He can soften my Heart He can fill my heart. Anyone who wants to walk in love go ahead and email me. AND HEY LET's STOP PLAYING THE BLAME GAME. GOD DIDN'T MAKE ME SETTLE FOR AN A OR MAKE MY A DRINK. No one pried their mouths open and poured alcohol down their throats. We're not robots and we ARE responsible for our own choices. So, let's quit being mean, and let's quit blame shifting. Let's be PEOPLE OF INTEGRITY. Because the alternative wouldn't make me want to change. How about you?
isabela40 said
Aug 9, 2005
hvnly,
THANK YOU! This is just the remider that I needed today...
Today, as everyday, husband is a total jerk! It is worse today as he is on vacation for this week, and for him that means drinking 3 gallons of malt liqour a day, and more if he can remain conscious. All of those poisons left over from his body metabolozing all of that alcohol are frying his brain.
Besides all of the horrible emotional abuse I put up with, all of the insults, he is very passive aggresive. He will move slow as a turtle when he is doing the few things he agrees to do for us. He will also talk VERY low so no one can hear him, and pretend like he can't hear. You have to yell at him for him to respond, then he will turn his head so slowly you want to scream. Yet, when he is sick I am expected to drop everything and stay by his side, alert and standing up, every second, I am not allowed to sit down in the waiting room for one second.
I was thinking today, watching his passive aggresive routine, pretending that he has forgotten how to move, that just wait until he gets sick again, or needs surgery for his herniated disk...then it will be MY turn to pretend I am helpless, blind, deaf, and dumb. That is if I bother to go (he would not come to the hospital when I was brought there by ambulance during an asthma attack) at all.
While he went on and on about his monologue about how dumb, stupid, and "lowlife" I am (I am a lowlife in his eyes and beneath him in station since I may have an occasional cat hair on my clothing when I leave the house) and about how "everyone" wonderfshow he puts up with me, I was tuning him out, mentally planning my reveng...when he needs me the most...
SIGH!
That is SO much not like me! That is why I am still with the creep, out ot obligation and sympathy. I can't feel those things when they suit me and not other times.
Thanks for the reminders to not let him bring me down to his level of supreme selfishness, self -centeredness, and cruely...I am going to stay "me" someone who does NOT "return evil for evil".
Isabela
kitty said
Aug 9, 2005
I have learned a lot about love over the last decade. For one thing I had to completely lose myself to find myself again. The moment I realized he was killing me & it was him or me, I had to choose me & walk away from him - love him at a distance.
But I realize now, as an adult... that loving has more to do with what I give than anything I receive. See as a teenager & young adult, I was so concerened with how I was being loved in return & how I was being treated back. Now I know that the love I feel for someone else ~ is the love I feel. It is my love! So it even occurred to me that unrequited love - it is still my love & it doesn't matter if that person ever even knows how I feel, I know how I feel. (that lil gem of an epiphany helped me a lot!)
In the last month I have realised, if I don't 'have this love affair with myself,' put myself first, I will just attract another A. I want to be healthy, I deserve a love that I am worthy of & sacrficing myself for someone else, isn't what love is all about.
God help me to cherish my divine self & to see & love myself like you do!
kismetstrand said
Aug 10, 2005
Wow hvnly! Standing up and applauding! You go Girl!
Took me a good long while in Alanon to truly understand just what you're talking about. I went thru the Stages of Grief in letting go of my old thinking/behavior and replacing it with this new thinking/behavior I have now. Thank God for everyone here who put up with me and helped me in getting through that time. I am sure HP led them to say the things they did, to quote the passages from literature that they quoted, just as he led me into the chat room or into ftf or to read the email shares from another online group at just the right moments to hear what I needed to hear at the time.
You need it. I need it.They need it. Whoever THEY are. Love brings us to it like a moth to a flame. So, I've been hurt. You've been hurt. They've been hurt. Do not be mean. Don't treat someone in a way you wouldn't want to be treated. Come on now really, would you change for someone who's bad mouthing you? Maybe you would. I would not. I'd feel more like kicking that person in the teeth. Love covers a multitude of sins. It can short circuit a viscious downward cycle. It can make someone want to be better for the Love. I don't have all that love in me. If you do more power to you. MY HP has that Love He is that Love and He can direct me to Love. He can show me HOW. He can open my heart. He can soften my Heart He can fill my heart. Anyone who wants to walk in love go ahead and email me. AND HEY LET's STOP PLAYING THE BLAME GAME. GOD DIDN'T MAKE ME SETTLE FOR AN A OR MAKE MY A DRINK. No one pried their mouths open and poured alcohol down their throats. We're not robots and we ARE responsible for our own choices. So, let's quit being mean, and let's quit blame shifting. Let's be PEOPLE OF INTEGRITY. Because the alternative wouldn't make me want to change. How about you?
hvnly,
THANK YOU! This is just the remider that I needed today...
Today, as everyday, husband is a total jerk! It is worse today as he is on vacation for this week, and for him that means drinking 3 gallons of malt liqour a day, and more if he can remain conscious. All of those poisons left over from his body metabolozing all of that alcohol are frying his brain.
Besides all of the horrible emotional abuse I put up with, all of the insults, he is very passive aggresive. He will move slow as a turtle when he is doing the few things he agrees to do for us. He will also talk VERY low so no one can hear him, and pretend like he can't hear. You have to yell at him for him to respond, then he will turn his head so slowly you want to scream. Yet, when he is sick I am expected to drop everything and stay by his side, alert and standing up, every second, I am not allowed to sit down in the waiting room for one second.
I was thinking today, watching his passive aggresive routine, pretending that he has forgotten how to move, that just wait until he gets sick again, or needs surgery for his herniated disk...then it will be MY turn to pretend I am helpless, blind, deaf, and dumb. That is if I bother to go (he would not come to the hospital when I was brought there by ambulance during an asthma attack) at all.
While he went on and on about his monologue about how dumb, stupid, and "lowlife" I am (I am a lowlife in his eyes and beneath him in station since I may have an occasional cat hair on my clothing when I leave the house) and about how "everyone" wonderfshow he puts up with me, I was tuning him out, mentally planning my reveng...when he needs me the most...
SIGH!
That is SO much not like me! That is why I am still with the creep, out ot obligation and sympathy. I can't feel those things when they suit me and not other times.
Thanks for the reminders to not let him bring me down to his level of supreme selfishness, self -centeredness, and cruely...I am going to stay "me" someone who does NOT "return evil for evil".
Isabela
I have learned a lot about love over the last decade. For one thing I had to completely lose myself to find myself again. The moment I realized he was killing me & it was him or me, I had to choose me & walk away from him - love him at a distance.
But I realize now, as an adult... that loving has more to do with what I give than anything I receive. See as a teenager & young adult, I was so concerened with how I was being loved in return & how I was being treated back. Now I know that the love I feel for someone else ~ is the love I feel. It is my love! So it even occurred to me that unrequited love - it is still my love & it doesn't matter if that person ever even knows how I feel, I know how I feel. (that lil gem of an epiphany helped me a lot!)
In the last month I have realised, if I don't 'have this love affair with myself,' put myself first, I will just attract another A. I want to be healthy, I deserve a love that I am worthy of & sacrficing myself for someone else, isn't what love is all about.
God help me to cherish my divine self & to see & love myself like you do!
Wow hvnly! Standing up and applauding! You go Girl!
Took me a good long while in Alanon to truly understand just what you're talking about. I went thru the Stages of Grief in letting go of my old thinking/behavior and replacing it with this new thinking/behavior I have now. Thank God for everyone here who put up with me and helped me in getting through that time. I am sure HP led them to say the things they did, to quote the passages from literature that they quoted, just as he led me into the chat room or into ftf or to read the email shares from another online group at just the right moments to hear what I needed to hear at the time.
Love does work.
Luv, Kis