My daughter is recovering and has been sober from alcohol for over 3 months.  She is 21 and also taking a university class.  Tonight she said she wanted to go to family counselling because she said my husband (step dad) is gossiping about her.  She heard a couple of stories that she is convinced my husband started.  She also thinks we have done nothing for her.  We recently spent over 10K sending her to treatment, bought her a car, gave her a place to live that we fixed up, charge her nothing to live here and help support her baby.  Why would we "gossip" about her to ruin her reputation??  This makes no sense but she said we have talked to her boyfriends mother , father, my husbands ex etc.  These are people who we needed to talk to before she went into recovery.  There were issues with the baby that concerned us and we needed to have others imput.  To her this is gossip.  I don't know how to explain it to her.  By teh way this came out of the blue and she yelled at me and called me a bitch etc.  She is staying at her boyfreinds now (tonight) but my husband is really pissed.  I feel like I am stuck between her and my husband.  I want to run away literally but know I can't.  I have attended some meetings (2).  I say one because the first one was not good.  I think these issues have to be resolved somehow.  I can't just say a prayer and hope they will go away.  Any suggestions are welcome.

Hi Iris,

Boy does this sound familiar.  When I asked my husband's family for support in getting him treatment for his alcoholis, he called it "slander" and "gossip", SIGH!

This must really hurt after all you have done for your daughter.

My best advice is to overlook it like water off of a duck's back.  YOU know you did everything to help her, and talked to who you had to. 

She sounds very immature to have so much responsibility (a child) that she has dumped on you (purchasing a  dwelling, car, class, treatment)  THEN to be so ungrateful, rather than be sincerely appreciative to you. As a parent of a dependent 20 year old (for different reasons, she is still in High School after being behind due to surgery etc.), I would never tolerate this, it would be too painful after how generous I am to my daughter.

I am sorry your daughter is not more appreciative of such loving and generous parents, that must hurt.  What a blessing you two are to her, I hope she realizes this sooner  rather than later.

Isabela

 

 

Hello Iris - glad u posted here . Your daughter has not been sober very long still not thinking clearly.  I lovingly call the first yr stark raving sober.  The problem is between your husb and daughter leave them to work it out.

Your daughter may be just looking for a reason to go drink , blaming others etc  is an old trick make it someone elses problem then they have some one to blame. I don't think they know they are playing a game it is the disease raising its ugly head again.  Don't bite and stay out of the middle. they will work it out.   good luck  Louise

Thank you all for your input.  She came home the next day and apologized for her behaviour.  I would not go to her.  I stayed in my room and watched tv until she came in and hugged me.  She knew she really had me upset.  Anyway, she did not go drinking.  She went for coffee with her step dad and all seems to be much better.  Thanks.