Somedays are pretty neat, but then some days are just pretty empty.   Some of my days have purpose enough for me.  Some days I wander.   I know I am waiting patiently for my HP to fill the void.   Patience.  Patience. 

-- Edited by wallsal55 at 18:13, 2005-08-08

Hi Walsa, fill the void ? hmm  Well GOD will help but we have to do the footwork.  You sound as if your sitting in the "HOW DO YOU MANAGE WHEN THERE IS NO ONE LEFT TO MANAGE" part of recovery. We finally learn to step aside give our loved ones back thier lives and mind our own business then , it's like what now? When I asked that question I was told well dear now u get a life.  go figure

I didnt have a clue what I liked so I tried diff hobbies , joined a gym , weeded thru alot of stuff til I found a few things that inerested me, And started to fill up my life, got involved in service work in the program, started to give back a little that felt good.  You will find your way just keep focusing on yourself. good luck  Louise

Hmmm, that's probably a question I'll be asking too pretty soon. So far, I've been seeing my kids a lot. I started cleaning my A's stuff out. I am planning to start a little business. I am a collector, of everything!! I need to weed a lot of my own stuff out, and I have a room in the basement that used to be a garage, so am going to start out with having garage sales, and go from there.. may start up a little used-stuff store? That'll keep me busy for a while, then maybe I'll start riding my horse again. There are quite a few horses and riders in this area. I also have a little boat that I row. I love it! It gives me such peace and serenity, and I feel so close to my HP when I am on the water. I used to work on a lobster boat with my A for 6 years.

Today, I looked at laminate flooring, (real good deal) and my dining room needs to be done. I have gathered material to do sewing projects for years, so may try my hand at that..

I might start going to Alanon meetings here, where I live. I couldn't even let him find out about coming to this board. I have met so many nice people on this board, I figure there must be a lot of  really nice people at the meetings.

It's hard to believe how isolated I have let myself become in the past 8 years. Guess it's time to start living. Wishing you all the best, in filling your void.

I know sometimes I will get depressed and miss him soooo much. I don't know what the future holds for me, or for him. I had never loved anyone as much as I loved him, but the hurt and pain went sooo deep. It looked like the binges were starting up again, and there is NO WAY I will hop back on the rollercoaster. I will never forgive or forget the punch in the face. Since that happened, I haven't felt the same towards him, and don't understand why I took him back. I was so lonely with no friends, and scared to be on my own, I guess. He stopped drinking for 2 years after that. Sober, he is so much a soul-mate and we really enjoyed each other, sigh.

Praying that our HPs will guide us with TLC in our new lives, Love TLC

Void? What void? Was there a void? Did I miss it? When was it? Will it come again? Will i know it when I see it? hmmm love,debilyn who lives in a tunnel of void..... not really void of life? void of laughter? void of love? void of balance? no void here, nope not here. Too full of life and earthy things, and sunshine, dogs and spraying down hot pigs. llamas hopping around like deer cuz they loved the shearing they hated standing still for. Hmmm all i know is the void left when A did. Seemed to live in one then. The disease put me in a void. i allowed it too. Now what void???? thankyou interesting thought.....love,debilyn

wallsal I do know what that void feeling is like. I have turned so many "things" to whom they belong. I've found many things that interest me, work full time and help with the care of my mother. But..... I sometimes have that void feeling. Is it a lack love from my a husband? Maybe. Sometimes it feels more like sadness. I don't know but I think I have fewer of those moments than I used to. Patience seems like it's a huge part of this process we are going thru. I sometimes think I must be missing my HP signals and then something falls into place that I've praying for. Hang in there... Whitie

Dearest wallsal55,

Void.... for me when I feel the void, I get busy. Busy with working my program. busy with the house, busy with the kids. I don't let myself fall into that dark chasm. Fill it with whatever it takes. Clean out a drawer, a closet. Go for a walk. Call a friend for a cup of coffee. Keep your mind busy. Just some of the stuff I do.

Love & God Bless

lildee 

Times like that I have to remind myself, hey...this isn't dress rehersal for my life...this IS MY LIFE.  I have two choices as I see it, one to find myself again or two to mourn what wasn't healthy all those years of trying to make sure everyone else had what THEY needed.

I had to overcome the feelings that this was selfish of me to do.  Then I took an inventory of my life, literally draw a circle on a piece of paper and mark off the slices like a pie.  Then in each portion of the pie I enter parts of my life, spiritual, family, health mental, health physical, career/job, social, personal, recreational, educational, relationships/ friends, sports.  Then I rate myself in these areas to see what is lacking terribly, and that helps me work on myself. 

It gives me a clear view of areas I am putting too much time in and areas that seriously need improved to help me feel healthy and fullfilled and complete.  Hope this helps.    

Hey, the void is thought to be where the new comes out of. Respect its a source of empowerment is a sketchy thought at first, to respect the void as a place where the new steps come out of I mean. I have learned to honor and to love my voids. Oceans of love, \/\/ille

Thank You all for your responses, I find them all very helpful.   Will carry them with me!