My husband (the alcoholic) recently went on a check writing spree.....on my account that I was closing (so I had very little money in the account). He wrote 25 checks in 30 days to the same place - a gas station that happens to sell beer.......Well, all of those checks bounced. Now I received a call from a lawyer saying that if I don't pay $500 (which is actually only half)to cover all of those checks by 5pm tomorrow, he will issue a warrant for my arrest. I am so scared and MAD - I shouldn't go to jail for his stupid actions.
He said that he will find a way to get the money.....but I can't trust what he says anymore.
I know that if I ask my Dad, he would give me the money in a heartbeat, but I hate to do that. I mean, how embarrassing to have to ask for $500 to keep me out of jail because of my alcoholic husband.
Part of me would really like to turn my husband in, but I don't think that that is the answer.
JulieLynn said
Aug 8, 2005
Kellan,
I know what you are going thru. I have had that happen to me before though not that much money. I have only been in alanon for a few months and I know you aren't suppose to give advice but it seems that if you don't turn your husband in that would be enabling wouldn't it. I would not take the fall for something he has done. Good Luck. We are all here together for each other.
Julie
kathy570 said
Aug 8, 2005
Dear Kellan,
You are in a tough spot. As for turning in your husband - ONLY YOU can answer that one. Alanon is about learning that we have choices and also learning to take care of ourselves!!!
Do you have a sponsor? Can yu call her. I live in Canada so our laws are differant here. If it was me, I'd call my lawyer and see what my choices are as far as the money goes. Here we can get 1/2 legal advise for free and have Legal Aid if we can't afford a lawyer.
As for hubby, mine would be out the door so fast his head would spin. I am a recovering A myself and I was responsilbe for my ACTIONS regardless of the results. All A's are. You may be responsible for half just because your married to him. Get your half if you are from your Dad, and only your half. Look after yourself. He is a big boy and obviously take care of himself to get beer then he can take care of himself for this also. If he can't - THAT IS HIS ISSUE NOT YOURS. If you cover for him - it will never end.
This may sound cold and heartless but it is the facts. He could cause you alot more trouble if you don't take care of yourself. No one said life was fair but he made his choice when he bought the beer. Just my opinion....
You are in my Prayers
Yours in Recovery
Kathy570
kismetstrand said
Aug 8, 2005
Just some questions....
Is your husband on that checking account with you? Is he authorized to write checks, withdraw money, put money in if it is just your sole separate account? Or did he commit theft and fraud by using an account that is not his in any way?
I had a roommate once steal some checks and use an old drivers license of mine (funny, she looked nothing like me) to go and cash $100 total. Yes, I turned her in when I found out to both my bank and the police. Would I do the same to my husband in the same circumstances? A part of me says, everyone needs to pay the consequences of their actions, otherwise I end up being an enabler too. Another part of me says, how would this affect my marriage in the long term, would it help or not? I don't believe I would put myself in danger of arrest and jail for something someone else did.
Perhaps, since you say your A says he will get the money and you also say your father would loan it to you....well just thinking perhaps your father could loan it to your A with a signed and notarized loan paper which states your A will pay your father back in whatever time period they agree upon. That would take you out of the loop and put the responsibility back on your A. Just a thought. I don't know you or your A so don't know if that is feasible or not. Only you know your circumstances and what the best thing to do would be.
Good luck to you and keep coming back!
Luv, Kis
abbyal said
Aug 8, 2005
Our detachment pamphlet says to not do for others what they can do for themselves.
To not prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events.
To not suffer because of anyones actions. these are just a few of the suggestions from the pamphlet. call a lawyer for yourself and find out if u are liable since it was your acct. and hubby forged the signature. The lawyer who called is obviously acting on behalf of the people who cashed the checks and if he can collect from you by scaring u half to death he will . he only wants his money. I would find out if the bank has any responsibility for honoring the checks if his name was not on the acct.
Your husb has said he will pay u back , well if thats the case maybe he should talk to the lawyer who called you and make his own arrangements for payment.
I know this is a difficult situation,big decission to make. Do what feels right for you. If you have any literature namley the OdAT our one day ata time daily reader, try reading page on july 14th that may help u make a decission. good luck Louise
Dolphin123 said
Aug 8, 2005
Kellan,
My "A" took money out of my account, but never to the same extent as yours.
I would suggest you pray, lean on your HP at this time. That is the only thing I know to do. And since we don't give advice, the only thing I feel comfortable telling you.
Much Love,
TLC2 said
Aug 8, 2005
Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't that ruin YOUR credit?? my son's credit has been non-existant for 5 years because he trusted a so-called friend. He will still have no credit for at least another 2 years. He has a girlfriend and 2 children to support, and everything he buys has to be cash. Needless to say, thay don't have much! I just bought a mobile home for him, and he will be making the payments. It's just lucky that I could do that.
Personally, I would turn my A in in a heartbeat if he tried to do something like that to me. Ya play the game, ya gotta pay the piper! Love and lots of TLC to YOU.
My husband (the alcoholic) recently went on a check writing spree.....on my account that I was closing (so I had very little money in the account). He wrote 25 checks in 30 days to the same place - a gas station that happens to sell beer.......Well, all of those checks bounced. Now I received a call from a lawyer saying that if I don't pay $500 (which is actually only half)to cover all of those checks by 5pm tomorrow, he will issue a warrant for my arrest. I am so scared and MAD - I shouldn't go to jail for his stupid actions.
He said that he will find a way to get the money.....but I can't trust what he says anymore.
I know that if I ask my Dad, he would give me the money in a heartbeat, but I hate to do that. I mean, how embarrassing to have to ask for $500 to keep me out of jail because of my alcoholic husband.
Part of me would really like to turn my husband in, but I don't think that that is the answer.
Kellan,
I know what you are going thru. I have had that happen to me before though not that much money. I have only been in alanon for a few months and I know you aren't suppose to give advice but it seems that if you don't turn your husband in that would be enabling wouldn't it. I would not take the fall for something he has done. Good Luck. We are all here together for each other.
Julie
Dear Kellan,
You are in a tough spot. As for turning in your husband - ONLY YOU can answer that one. Alanon is about learning that we have choices and also learning to take care of ourselves!!!
Do you have a sponsor? Can yu call her. I live in Canada so our laws are differant here. If it was me, I'd call my lawyer and see what my choices are as far as the money goes. Here we can get 1/2 legal advise for free and have Legal Aid if we can't afford a lawyer.
As for hubby, mine would be out the door so fast his head would spin. I am a recovering A myself and I was responsilbe for my ACTIONS regardless of the results. All A's are. You may be responsible for half just because your married to him. Get your half if you are from your Dad, and only your half. Look after yourself. He is a big boy and obviously take care of himself to get beer then he can take care of himself for this also. If he can't - THAT IS HIS ISSUE NOT YOURS. If you cover for him - it will never end.
This may sound cold and heartless but it is the facts. He could cause you alot more trouble if you don't take care of yourself. No one said life was fair but he made his choice when he bought the beer. Just my opinion....
You are in my Prayers
Yours in Recovery
Kathy570
Just some questions....
Is your husband on that checking account with you? Is he authorized to write checks, withdraw money, put money in if it is just your sole separate account? Or did he commit theft and fraud by using an account that is not his in any way?
I had a roommate once steal some checks and use an old drivers license of mine (funny, she looked nothing like me) to go and cash $100 total. Yes, I turned her in when I found out to both my bank and the police. Would I do the same to my husband in the same circumstances? A part of me says, everyone needs to pay the consequences of their actions, otherwise I end up being an enabler too. Another part of me says, how would this affect my marriage in the long term, would it help or not? I don't believe I would put myself in danger of arrest and jail for something someone else did.
Perhaps, since you say your A says he will get the money and you also say your father would loan it to you....well just thinking perhaps your father could loan it to your A with a signed and notarized loan paper which states your A will pay your father back in whatever time period they agree upon. That would take you out of the loop and put the responsibility back on your A. Just a thought. I don't know you or your A so don't know if that is feasible or not. Only you know your circumstances and what the best thing to do would be.
Good luck to you and keep coming back!
Luv, Kis
Our detachment pamphlet says to not do for others what they can do for themselves.
To not prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events.
To not suffer because of anyones actions. these are just a few of the suggestions from the pamphlet. call a lawyer for yourself and find out if u are liable since it was your acct. and hubby forged the signature. The lawyer who called is obviously acting on behalf of the people who cashed the checks and if he can collect from you by scaring u half to death he will . he only wants his money. I would find out if the bank has any responsibility for honoring the checks if his name was not on the acct.
Your husb has said he will pay u back , well if thats the case maybe he should talk to the lawyer who called you and make his own arrangements for payment.
I know this is a difficult situation,big decission to make. Do what feels right for you. If you have any literature namley the OdAT our one day ata time daily reader, try reading page on july 14th that may help u make a decission. good luck Louise
Kellan,
My "A" took money out of my account, but never to the same extent as yours.
I would suggest you pray, lean on your HP at this time. That is the only thing I know to do. And since we don't give advice, the only thing I feel comfortable telling you.
Much Love,
Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't that ruin YOUR credit?? my son's credit has been non-existant for 5 years because he trusted a so-called friend. He will still have no credit for at least another 2 years. He has a girlfriend and 2 children to support, and everything he buys has to be cash. Needless to say, thay don't have much! I just bought a mobile home for him, and he will be making the payments. It's just lucky that I could do that.
Personally, I would turn my A in in a heartbeat if he tried to do something like that to me. Ya play the game, ya gotta pay the piper! Love and lots of TLC to YOU.