It really is amazing how much of the program spills into every other aspect of my life, each day it is getting a little clearer & I am happy with my own progress.
Six days ago, my mom sd the A called me unmotivated - it hurt & kinda 'threw me for a loop'. And he wrote back to me (when I e-mailed him a angry & threatening letter) saying over the years he thought I was uninspired & unappreciative. Two days later, it occurred to me that like the simplicity of the Golden Rule (treat ppl the way in which u wish to be treated) - he should have appreciated me then! Just karma, what you give out, you get back ten-fold.
I certainly don't walk around being hateful, expecting to be adored! It is unfathomable to me, that the A's walk around in such deep unawareness & inconsideration.
Three nights ago, while our A went to his daily mtg, I opened up one of his bottles of wine in his collection. When he came back, my mother & I were eating & I left the glass out in full sight. I joke with my mom that I ought to get good & wasted & give him stupid drunk advice, like he always had done to us in the past, we laughed about it!
I did manage to say to him, that it has been very hard to reach out to him over the years but I kept trying anyway, drinking, sober, crying wtvr -- & he never payed attention or even bothered to try to hear me. He just sort of looked into my eyes & nodded (as if to acknolwedge that) and quickly began his nightly ritual of walking all the dogs individually. So he ran away but I was proud of myself to say something truthful for me & not critical of him.
Shortly thereafter, I went home. The next morning my mom said, he said something to the effect that he can see how other's can drink & it doesn't resemble how it is for the A's. That is progress! Maybe tiny bits of the program are sinking in!?
It was a relief to write him all the scathing, angry things I was thinking - it releived me & since I haven't had those thoughts anymore (of wanting to attack him physcially, thank God) and hopefully it touched him in some way.
Today I will appreciate & recognize any tiny hairs of healing & baby angel strokes. Progress is still a forward movement. Today I am in the now!
Tammy said
Aug 6, 2005
Congratulations, WOW... How long did it take you to get to that point ??
You really seem to have it together ..
Kudos to you !
Tammy
dove said
Aug 6, 2005
You are so loving and giving and patient and tolerant.
Thank you for being you.
cdb said
Aug 7, 2005
Hello kitty,
I sure enjoyed chatting with you in the chat room today :) It is so good that your A will at least listen to you and read your letters. Some will not even do that. I am glad you are not feeling so intense with your anger too and that you have chosen to take care of you and appreciate what is around you :) I love the baby angels touching hair part...it gave me goosebumps. your friend in recover, cdb :)
It really is amazing how much of the program spills into every other aspect of my life, each day it is getting a little clearer & I am happy with my own progress.
Six days ago, my mom sd the A called me unmotivated - it hurt & kinda 'threw me for a loop'. And he wrote back to me (when I e-mailed him a angry & threatening letter) saying over the years he thought I was uninspired & unappreciative. Two days later, it occurred to me that like the simplicity of the Golden Rule (treat ppl the way in which u wish to be treated) - he should have appreciated me then! Just karma, what you give out, you get back ten-fold.
I certainly don't walk around being hateful, expecting to be adored! It is unfathomable to me, that the A's walk around in such deep unawareness & inconsideration.
Three nights ago, while our A went to his daily mtg, I opened up one of his bottles of wine in his collection. When he came back, my mother & I were eating & I left the glass out in full sight. I joke with my mom that I ought to get good & wasted & give him stupid drunk advice, like he always had done to us in the past, we laughed about it!
I did manage to say to him, that it has been very hard to reach out to him over the years but I kept trying anyway, drinking, sober, crying wtvr -- & he never payed attention or even bothered to try to hear me. He just sort of looked into my eyes & nodded (as if to acknolwedge that) and quickly began his nightly ritual of walking all the dogs individually. So he ran away but I was proud of myself to say something truthful for me & not critical of him.
Shortly thereafter, I went home. The next morning my mom said, he said something to the effect that he can see how other's can drink & it doesn't resemble how it is for the A's. That is progress! Maybe tiny bits of the program are sinking in!?
It was a relief to write him all the scathing, angry things I was thinking - it releived me & since I haven't had those thoughts anymore (of wanting to attack him physcially, thank God) and hopefully it touched him in some way.
Today I will appreciate & recognize any tiny hairs of healing & baby angel strokes. Progress is still a forward movement. Today I am in the now!
You are so loving and giving and patient and tolerant.
Thank you for being you.
Hello kitty,
I sure enjoyed chatting with you in the chat room today :) It is so good that your A will at least listen to you and read your letters. Some will not even do that. I am glad you are not feeling so intense with your anger too and that you have chosen to take care of you and appreciate what is around you :) I love the baby angels touching hair part...it gave me goosebumps. your friend in recover, cdb :)