Today is Friday August 5th and i just returned home from a funeral. My husband is a firefighter and one of his fellow firefighters was killed in a boating accident. You guessed it ALCOHOL was involved. It was pretty gruesome and it was a very sad funeral. I guess, I am more angry than sad. These guys all went out got drunk and did silly chiildish dangerous things that ended up killing a father, and a husband. Now his wife must figure out how to raise a 5 month old and a 3 year old alone explaining to them how their daddy died. Sad right ??? Well, explain to me why after the funeral several of them went to a bar. Yes, my husband included. He just called and said he would be home in an hour or so. Here we go again. I think he just told me what i wanted to hear just so that I would come home. He told me he would get help.. We would go to counseling .. Work on ourselves and our marriage. He promised he would get help,. Here we go again, the merry go round continues. I wish i had the strength to get off. I feel terriible for his loss, It really hit him hard as he was one of the first responders. I really had hoped that this would hit home. That this tragedy would make an impact, ya know change his heart. Someone please explain .. ???? I know Let go and Let GOD.. My head knows it my heart wont let go.... Tammy

((((((((((((((((((Tammy))))))))))))))) I am so sorry for you pain. Alcohol numbs feelings. Maybe they are not able to deal with their feelings without it because that has been their coping skill for dealing with their feelings. Maybe they are celebrating like they think their friend would have celebrated. Maybe they are alcoholics. Who knows? I found it hard when my uncle died of lung cancer from smoking and his son was smoking at the funeral too. Hopefully something will click in some of the men, especially your husband soon, and they will come out of denial and realize how dangerous being under the influence is. Denial is such a strong thing. My father-in-law's friend was drunk and drove home from my father-in-law's favorite bar years ago. His friend was driving on the wrong side of the highway and hit someone head on and he was killed. Did my father-in-law and his friends stop drinking and driving? No! My daughter went to a funeral of a teen who had overdosed on drugs. Did that stop my daughter from using? Well maybe she stopped using drugs but not alcohol. I don't understand this awful horrible disease either. My heart goes out to you tammy. It is hard to be the one that is out of denial and see so clearly. I just keep praying so hard that my daughter's HP/higher power can get her to stop. Keep coming back to alanon and know you are not alone in how you feel. Prayers from me to you and your spouse right now. cdb

Hi Tammy

 

He is coping with the death of his friend the way alcoholics cope with things

They drink.

Take care of YOU Tammy, it is all you can do

 

Megan

Hi Tammy,

Thanks for posting.  First, I'd like to extend my sympathies.  I can only imagine how difficult this is for you.

Second, I'd like to say that perhaps this is the time for YOU to get help.  Keep coming to Alanon.  Seek out meetings if you can.  You can't make your husband do anything, but you can change yourself, your perspectives and directions.  Don't focus so much on marriage counseling -- that takes a true commitment from two.  Use this time, and motivation, to work on yourself.  You'll be glad you did.

Peace,

Jane

 

He is just doing what drinkers do ,  drink.   I bet he couldnt even explain to you why?

He just dosen't think it will happen to him. most think they can control thier drinking and that we are  over reacting. i discovered here that until he says what he is doing is causing him a problem " IT ISN"T " it's causing us a problem. 

I hope you are attending al anon for yourself  there is nothing u can do about him , but alot u can do for yourself. Accepting the fact that he drinks is a big step , you don't  have to like it jsut accept it. you cannot stop him. Threats don't work , tears don't work , pleading dosen't work.  I spent alot of time and effort trying to stop a problem that had nothing to do with me. It simply was not mine to fix, anything I tried to do was doomed to fail because I was not the problem.   good luck take care of you     Louise

Quitting something sometimes can be so hard.  Reading your post and the replies made me think of the Cancer Walk we had here in town not so long ago.  My father died of cancer.  My brother's girlfriend is a nurse, she has friends who have survived breast cancer.  Brother and his girlfriend participated in this Cancer Walk, brother bought a couple of candle bags in memory of dad.  (They lined the track for the walk with these bags - there were hundreds of them!!)  Anyway, we went down there to spend some time with them and look at some of the booths prior to the walk starting.  And there I was in the parking lot smoking a cigarrette.  I know its bad for my health and all that.  (By the way, dad never smoked a day in his life.)  Its just a very bad habit that I am unready to quit right now.  I say "unready" rather than "unable" because I know when I'm ready I'll be able to.  It's just getting to that ready stage.  Hitting my bottom, so to speak.  So when I hear "why can't they see what its doing" ... well I often think of my own vice and how that is for me. 

Hi Tammy. An alcoholic's behavior oftentimes defies logic. Megan put it best: "He is coping with the death of his friend the way alcoholics cope with things They drink." I am sorry for your hurt. (((((((((((((((((((((((((Tammy))))))))))))))))))))) We who are not addicted cannot understand no matter how hard and long we try. Take care of yourself. Diva