I have a legal question and I am guessing somebody here has been through something similar and can answer me.

 

I have a friend who is in an abusive marriage. (betings with a belt, black eyes, etc) She asked me a week ago if I'd pick her up today and take het to get a protective order  against her husband and then drop her off someplace. She's leaving him, but does not want him to know until she's gone.

Last night she called and left a message that her lawyer said she needs to take the boys with her as she leaves. 

My question...if I take her and her boys to a motel or apartment or whatever she has lined up, am i an accomplice to kidnapping?  Would it be different if I did not know the boys were coming with us?

LIN

Very simply...NO...you are not "kidnapping" to help mother and children escape from abuse.

Natural Mother has legal right to take children anywhere in country, even across state lines without husband's permission UNLESS there is ALREADY a court order prohibiting that...does not sound like there is.

All you are doing is giving your friend and her children a ride somewhere where they have ASKED you to take them.  Kidnapping involves taking someone against their will.

This is no more illegal than it would be for you to give them a ride to the mall or to the park.  That is all you are doing, giving them a ride and even if you did more to help them, like let them stay at your place, you still are doing nothing wrong.

My EX husband tried to bring charges against my best friend for helping me and my baby escape from him to another state.  At least he threatened her with that.  She saw a lawyer and he said that was the funniest thing he ever heard...it was not going to go anywhere.  Of course, she was never charged with anything.  I could have gotten a ride from her to Alaska!  As the mother I could take my child anywhere in the country I wished, WITHOUT his "permission" this is not the 1700's you know...

If he did not like it he can go to court and work out a visitation schedule, I will have done nothing wrong, and neither did anyone who helped me.  At my divorce hearing, when he had caught up to me and tried to complain to the judge that I "ran away with his baby" the judge told him this is a free country and I could go anywhere I pleased with the baby and I did not need his permission.  I had hospital records of abuse and the judge was not too pleased with EX...

Remember, each parent has equal right to care and control of children until there is a court order specifying differently.  This means that Dad can do same, take kids and hide them...if he finds out what she is up to.  Tell her to keep things quiet, and act quickly and get court order with temporary custody as soon as possible after leaving.  A battered woman's shelter can speed up this process and provide a safe haven until it is completed.

Hope everything works out for friend.

 

Isabela

Lin,

I would consult your local police department or a lawyer regarding any responsibility you may incur by helping your friend.  Some state laws are different.  I admire your compassion in wanting to help this person escape a dangerous situation you must first take care of yourself. 

Another thing to consider is that if this man is dangerous - he may seek you out for revenge for taking away his family. 

I will pray for you and for your friend and her family - for noone should have to live in that situation.  I wish you all the best in your decision.

Karen

Karen makes a good point, you should probably consult a lawyer to put your mind at ease.

Since your freinds already has a lawyer advising her, why don't you ask for his/her number so you can ask them?  Also, many lawyers have 1/2 free consultation.  I have gotten a lot of simple legal questions like this answered for free over the phone also.  Lawyers would rather not give their 1/2 free consultation to really simple one minute questions like this.

I would not bother with the police, they barely know criminal law, and often know little about domestic or family law.

Isabela

Thanks isabella and Karen for the replies. As of right now the plans have changed. Her son had to do somethng at school so she took the other son and took him and jsut did nto go abck hoem,. (the only car is HIS...so for NOW she's just in a stolen car if he reports it.)  She went to the judge and got the order and is waiting for the bank to get her paycheck deposit to a new bank straight and then she will go to a safe place. She said she's is not going back home.

So it appears right now she may not need me to get her away from the house.

I was a bit worried about him coming after me for helping, but she said, he had no need to come after me..that he'd only be mad at her.

It makes me sad that she ahs to sneak away like ths and take the kids and really has no place to go, but she was so tired of the black eyes , bruises and beatings.

 

LINDA

Much luck to your friend Linda......my advice/suggestion is that she seek shelter in a shelter for abused women and children even if only for a day or so. They can not only help her to find housing and whatever else she needs, they can also provide protection. They are experienced in dealing with abused women and the abusers who come looking for them. There should be a phone number for her to call and she will be safe, as the addresses of the shelters are not given out to just anyone. The order of protection needs to extend to her children as well....that way it is illegal for him to grab them at school or anywhere else. I worry about him possibly having her arrested for theft of his car, but a call to an attorney should clear up any questions in that area. If she were to be arrested for stealing his car, he would have free access to her children while she figures out how to get out of jail..... I pray for her safety and the safety of her sons....good luck to her. ~arwyn

Unless the car was purchased BEFORE they married and she has never worked to help with payments OR it was bought before they married and he paid it off before the marriage, she is not stealing "his" car.  Many abusive men ensure that they keep the wife helpless and powerless by putting everything in their name and discourage the wife from working.  This ploy works in the short term, but it does not hold water in court.   UNLESS the property was purchased before the marriage, everything belongs to both in every state I have ever heard of (since I am not a lawyer I hold out the possiblity that there may be one, but I don't know of an exceptions). 

Unfortunately, without a court order, all marital assets are up for grabs.  She can take what she wants (including the children AND car) and so can he.  However, each party should take good care of whatever they take as they are all "marital assets" and each item, down to the smallest thing, such as a toaster, legally belongs to BOTH, so they each own half and are entitled to full usage.  If anything is destroyed, then the party doing the destruction or damage may be liabel to the other party for replacement cost of the item at the divorce.  At a divorce, the judge decides who gets what and how to split marital assets.  Remember though that marital debts are also split...

Usally, if there are minor children involved, in a divorce the wife will get a vehicle, even if it is the only vehicle they own.  The court realizes that a parent needs a vehicle for transporting children to school, the doctor when needed, and for purchasing groceries, etc. for the children.  The non-custodial parent can ride a bike, get public transportation, walk much easier than a child.

However, since this man is dangerous I would be very careful about which items I took for now...until the judge decided who gets what.

I agree that your friend should go to the battered woman's shelter.  They are experienced in protecting women, and often work hand in hand with police departments.  They can facilitate all of the needed actions your friend will need to do to be safe.

Your friend is taking an awful risk leaving one of her children behind.  Her husband may retaliate by "hiding" this child away from her.  He also may take out his anger and frustration on the child, once he realizes that the wife is not coming back.

Please tell your friend to be VERY VERY careful at this tiime.  This is the time when most women are killed, when they finally leave...the man realizes that he has lost control and some can't face this and go berserk.   Now that she has gone, she should not ever ever agree to see him, under any circumstances, without a lawyer present.

I know all of this as I have lived through it myself.  I am convinced I am still alive since I  went to the shelter for help and I took their advice about everything. 

I hope all goes well with your friend.

Isabela