this is my first day with miracles, and my first time ever to post a message anywhere..

my A is my husband, he is drunk 2 or 3 times a week, he starts drinking and cannot stop till he falls asleep. he will not go to AA he says its a cult. i divorced him in 98 because i was ashamed and embarrassed by him at all my family gatherings and public places. he has never been physically abusive, but emotionally he is killing me. I remarried him in 2003 , he is ill and had quit drinking for over a year,he has COPD and he was reading his bible everyday and i fell in love with him all over again..now i come home to a house blasting with rock and roll and he is passed out on the sofa ..i work 2nd shift iam 58 years old, and i hate my life. i hate coming home, if i wasn't so close to retirement that i need to stay here, i would just get in my car and drive away. i love him, and this is torture, he is killing him self with alcohol. i pray everyday, and i talk to God on my way to work every afternoon, and i pray all the way home. and i know God works in his own time frame. i live in a rural area, small town. not a real al-anon here. i hoped talking on the message board would help, and maybe i could make a few friends in the process. i think God led me here, I stopped asking him to fix my A and to help fix me instead, help me to understand...why I am here........

I really have no advice or help for you for I am stuck in my own cconfusion right now. But I do want you too know that I have read your post and my heart bleeds for you. I hope someone on here will lead you in the right direction. Hugs, Laurie

Michimoon,

You are in the right place.  Welcome Home. Alanon is all about you.  Change in your life to make it better.  Some times those change even rub off on the A and he may want to get better too.  My best advise is to read the message board learn from other and to go to meetings.  There are meeting here 9am and 9pm on weekdays go to the chat room.  I also don't go to face to face meeting but I find the meeting here are very good.

Best of luck in your recovery, Your new friend NIKKILOU

Michimoon,

I am new to Al anon also but the one thing that I have learned is to try and like myself and to take care of me.  I hate to hear that you are in the situation that you are in.  I felt the same way about my husband.  It was hard for me to watch someone I desperately loved kill himself and our dreams with alcohol.  To be transformed from the most wonderful person I had ever known to the monster I grew to fear.  2 years later, it still hurts.  I hope that you find peace in your life and you are in my prayers.  Always know, that when you feel alone in the world that you have friends here.

Mandi

Welcome, just continue to work on yourself.  Don't let your life stop or wait for changes in your A.  I found that the more I plan for myself and do things for myself I feel better.  There for a long time I was waiting.....waiting for him to fix things, do things, spend time with me....etc.  Now I try to plan a little something every night for me during the week, even if it's crocheting or crafts, weeding the garden.  The weekends are starting to become full for me too....

Hugs Mary

 

-- Edited by marmare at 13:41, 2005-08-03

bless you

i'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face, i never realized there was so many people out there who felt the pain like i do. i haven't any close friends to talk to, i have friends but im afraid they will sit in judgement on me, knowing that i was out of this mess once, and returned first time shame on him, second time shame on me. and if i talk to my family they hold it against him, and that causes me a bigger problem. i think it will be better to talk on line and maybe someday i can be of help to someone else. i do alot of things by myself, and it does get lonely. im afraid i have a habit of watching other couples and wishing i could have the companionship they have.

thank you so much for your note of encouragement..

molly

Everybody here has gone through some aspect of what you are going through. We've all had people say to us "Well, I'd just leave him!" and felt even worse because we still love this person. You are in the right place, welcome. If you read through old threads here, you will recognise some of the things we are saying, I'm sure. I'm in a rural area too, there aren't many meetings, but if you follow the alanon links on this site, you may find a meeting listed close to you. Even if you aren't quite ready yet for a face to face meeting, the contact people of the local meeting can get you some stuff to read, or you can buy it from this site, from ebay or amazon, or borrow from the library (Takes some guts to do this, in a small town library, but boy it feels liberating, too!) There are several threads talking about books we have found helpful. Some of us here have found that this program helps us get strong enough to leave a horrible situation. Others have found that with the help of the program, they are able to ease the stress enough that their lives are not so bad after all. Everybody here works the program in a slightly different way, there's room for all of us.

Welcome Home ((((((Molly)))))) < hugs

So glad you found us and I hope you keep coming back!  Until you are able and ready to attend local meetings (in chat we call them ftf meetings - face to face) I hope you can attend our online meetings.  As previously stated in another reply, we have them twice a day at 9am and 9pm eastern time during the week.  On weekends the time is 10 am and 9 pm saturday, 10 am and 7 pm sunday.  They are held in the chat room which is open for open chat all other times, and you can usually find someone there at almost any hour.  This place has been a lifesaver for me!  Again, welcome to our family!!

Luv, Kis

I to am new to the message board but not new to the disease. I feel your pain and it seems so familiar. There are days that i dread coming home from work. I am lonely too, lonely for my best friend. I attended my first meeing Sunday night and am planning to attned the online meeting tonight. Keep coming, I have talked to so many people who all have felt the same way at one time or another. It does help to know that you are not alone. God Bless Tammy