There isnt a second of my life i regret living, Not that i wanted everything that happened in my life to happen. Ive learnt that everything that happens isnt always about you. Everything isnt always what it seems. Things are not black and white and life certainly isnt perfect. Alot of people in life stay stuck and angry and resentful and dont know how to be a certain way or do certain things because fear takes over thier lives. I learnt that just because you are a family doesnt mean everyone in it loves you. Some people which is sad to say even give up on love and friendship for fear of rejection abandonment, not sure what love is except what thier expectations in thier mind is, which is usually a fairytale and some cant let the fairy tale go so they miss whats in front of them I am one of those people all of the above mentioned. . There are people that judge you because they think they know something about you or they have guessed, and those people make me angry, there are people that are so jealous of your success and confidence that they will do anything to take it from you. there are people in life so screwed up themselves that focusing on someone elses life is far more easier than dealing with thier own. . There are times when you do all you can and its never ever good enough. They say that when a door closes in life a window opens, but they didnt tell us that we have to look for the window.

I always thought i was different from other people and still do, because things that doesnt seem right to me seems like the norm for others. My parents were both alcoholics when i was a child, and i never understood what i did or why i was chosen to live in an abusive home i used to get so angry with God and say why me? People act different around me, like they are nervous to be in my presence and when they are in my presence its like they are so uncomfortable it shows even when i was a teen. or they avert thier eyes, and i would swear they feel guilty for the thought they have, thats the look it is? And something im really scared to admit and i know that alot of you cant relate to what im talking about here, there are certain eyes when i meet someone and see someone with a specific kind of eyes i am not able to talk to that person and i cant be polite enough to try to be.and thats what im scared it is with people and me. that i have those eyes! I met someone last year with eyes that right away frightened me and well lets say he hadnt be no angel.doesnt make any sense to me. I share this alot with everyone because it really gets to me and it doesnt stop. They say oh well i wouldnt be afraid and then they try to act normal but they dont. Try to hard. I dont understand this at all. I know that alot of people have problem with me. But for now i like the way i am. Im not sure where i was going with this share as i said was continued today. Im just feeling a little strange. today. I know why though so thats a good thing i hope!

kerry